To Love A Villain-Chapter 194: Merely One Moment

>>Amber

The bright lights of the talk show set faded behind me as I made my way backstage, my heart still racing from the events of the Pocky Game. The laughter and cheers of the audience were fading away, but the warmth of Hael’s breath against my lips lingered in my mind, overwhelming me with a mix of excitement and confusion. I needed space to breathe, to gather my thoughts, but it felt like the walls were closing in as I tried to distance myself from him.

Just as I reached the end of the hallway, I felt a gentle but firm grip on my wrist. I turned, startled, to find Hael standing behind me, his expression a mix of concern and curiosity. "What’s wrong?" He asked, his brow furrowed.

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came. Instead, I simply stared at him, my heart pounding. I wanted to say something, to explain how I felt, but I couldn’t find the words. The memories of our past life rushed through my mind, overwhelming me. It was as if I were drowning in a tidal wave of emotions, and I needed to escape.

He stepped closer, the warmth of his presence enveloping me. I felt an irrational urge to pull away, to create distance between us, but I was rooted in place, torn between wanting to be close to him and the fear of what it meant.

He didn’t remember me—he couldn’t. Or could he? Did he have any inkling of who I truly was? The questions whirled in my mind like a storm, each one more turbulent than the last.

What if he had some vague memories that he hadn’t connected yet? My heart raced at the thought. I bit my lip, weighing the pros and cons of confronting him. The anxiety gnawed at me, the fear that he would see the truth in my eyes, that he would know how much I longed for him to remember.

"Amber?" His voice broke through my thoughts, pulling me back to the present. I glanced up at him, his expression a mix of worry and something deeper, something I couldn’t quite place. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. "I..." I started, but my voice faltered. I was overwhelmed, the weight of my emotions pressing down on me like a suffocating blanket.

It was a mere moment we shared on stage but it woke something inside of me.

A realization

Was it worth it to stay close to him? To endure the pain of his lack of recognition? My heart ached at the thought, and I felt a sharp pang of longing wash over me. The memories of our past life were vivid, like a beautiful painting, but here he was, a stranger wearing the face of the man I once loved. Could I bear the agony of being near him, knowing he would never fully grasp the depth of our connection?

"No," I whispered to myself, shaking my head slightly. I had to make a choice. I couldn’t keep playing this game of pretend, pretending that I could simply enjoy being with him in this new life. I needed clarity, a resolution to the confusion that swirled in my heart.

I looked into his eyes, searching for answers, but all I saw was a kind of innocence that made my heart ache even more. The Hael I knew was lost, buried under the weight of a different life. But should I really confront him? Should I risk exposing my heart when I had no idea how he would react?

Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself. "Do you remember me?" The question slipped out before I could stop it, and I felt a rush of vulnerability wash over me.

"What?" He asked, clearly confused. His brows knitted together, and I could see the gears turning in his mind as he processed my words.

"You said you were looking for your wife from the past," I pressed, my heart racing. "Do you remember me?"

There was a moment of silence, the air thick with unspoken words. He blinked, the confusion deepening in his gaze. "Amber, I..."

It looked like he had no idea what I was talking about. My heart plummeted. I had hoped, even in the back of my mind, that he would recognize me, that a flicker of memory would spark to life behind those dark eyes. But the way he looked at me, as if I were a puzzle he couldn’t quite fit together, sent a wave of disappointment crashing over me.

I turned away, the sting of tears threatening to spill. "Forget it," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Amber, wait!" He reached for me again, but I stepped back, the space between us feeling like an insurmountable chasm. "What are you talking about? You can’t just—"

"I can’t just what?" I shot back, my emotions bubbling to the surface. "I can’t just pretend? I can’t just act like we’re living in a fairytale where everything is perfect and you remember me?"

His eyes widened, a mix of surprise and concern flooding his features. "What are you saying?"

I paused

RIght

What am I saying? Anything I say to him will make me sound like some delusional person. He might even think I’m some extreme fangirl. The realization sent a wave of extreme humiliation inside of me.

Shit

I turned away again, the ache in my chest growing sharper. I felt so lost, so overwhelmed by the weight of my emotions and the reality that I was standing here with someone who looked like the love of my life, yet was, in many ways, a stranger.

"I’m sorry," I said, my voice breaking. "I just... I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t."

"Amber, please—"

But I couldn’t hear him anymore. I needed to escape this moment, this suffocating feeling that threatened to swallow me whole. I started to walk away, but he stepped forward, grabbing my wrist again.

"Don’t go," He pleaded, desperation tinging his voice.

I glanced back at him, seeing the genuine worry etched on his face. It made my heart ache even more. "You don’t understand, Hael. You don’t remember me, and it’s killing me."

His grip on my wrist softened, and he searched my eyes as if trying to find the missing pieces of our puzzle.

"Do you know how it feels to stand next to someone you once loved, someone who was your everything, and to have them look at you like you’re a stranger?" He opened his mouth, but I cut him off. "I can’t keep pretending that everything is fine when it’s not! I can’t keep playing the role of your manager when my heart is screaming for something more!"

"Amber, I—"

"Stop!" I snapped, frustration bubbling to the surface. "Just stop. I need time to figure this out, to see if I can handle being around you. It hurts too much."

I just told myself I was being an idiot for saying stuff he can’t understand, yet I went ahead and said more stuff. I guess this is the final decision and a warning that I can’t do this.

"Where are you going?" He said

"I’m quitting," I said, "I can’t work for you." With that, I turned and walked away, not looking back, "I can’t even look at you."

The tears streamed down my face, each step feeling heavier than the last. I was making a choice, a decision to distance myself from him for my own sanity, and as much as it hurt, I knew it was the only way.

"Amber, wait!" I heard Hael call out behind me. My heart raced as I felt him closing the distance between us, his footsteps echoing in the hallway. Just as I reached the exit, I felt a firm grip on my arm, and he spun me around to face him.

"Let me go," I said, trying to pull away, but he held on tightly, not allowing me to escape.

"Not until you hear me out," He said, his voice a mix of urgency and sincerity. I searched his eyes, trying to gauge his feelings, but all I saw was a determination that made my heart flutter despite the chaos within me.

"Why?" I asked, my voice trembling. "What do you want to say now?" Maybe he wants to tell me how crazy I am, because that’s the only normal response.

"Because you matter to me," He said simply, his gaze intense. Then, in one swift motion, he pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around me as if he were trying to shield me from the turmoil of emotions swirling around us.

I stiffened at first, feeling the warmth of his body pressing against mine, the familiar scent that brought back so many memories. It felt so comforting, yet it only deepened my internal struggle. "Hael, let me go," I insisted, my voice muffled against his shoulder. 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶

"No," He replied, his voice steady and unwavering. "Not until you understand." I squirmed slightly, trying to break free, but he held me even tighter, as if he feared I might vanish into thin air.

"Why are you doing this?" I hissed, frustration spilling over, "Let me go,"

He released me just enough to look into my eyes, his expression a mix of concern and determination. "I know I went overboard," He said, "I didn’t think you’d get this emotional."

I stared at him with a pause

"What?"