thief of fate-Chapter 52: On the way back

Valerian climbed into the carriage in silence, his steps slow, like someone still feeling their way through the ruins of what they had endured. The door closed behind him softly, and inside, cold breaths echoed with the scent of fine leather and polished pinewood. A Lockard carriage, like everything that belonged to them, overflowed with order, pride, and secrecy.

Claire was sitting opposite him, her posture upright as always, wearing her dark coat that draped over her shoulders. Her eyes watched him for a moment, but she said nothing, as if waiting for him to look at her first.

He didn’t.

He rested his head against the window, his eyes on the stretch of road slick with mist, the wind-horses snorting green steam like suffocated light. The rumble of wheels.

Moments passed, long enough for him to feel the weight of her presence, but she finally spoke, her composed voice never losing its chill, even when it chose gentleness.

"Valerian..."

He didn’t turn.

She added, more quietly now, as if walking on ice: "Are... are you alright?"

He answered after a pause, his voice hoarse like someone torn from a long sleep:

"I don’t know yet."

Her lips moved slightly, as if she wanted to say something more, but didn’t immediately. He waited, and heard a soft sigh, rare from her, like someone pulling something unspeakable from their heart.

"I should’ve visited you in the infirmary. I know."

He looked at her slowly, his expression unreadable, like he was still measuring the distance between them.

"But you didn’t."

"No." She nodded, not defending herself. "Things escalated quickly, and there were many excuses, but none of them justify it. I’m sorry."

He felt something strange. An apology? That wasn’t like her. Claire was the kind of person who didn’t apologize. Not out of arrogance, but because she didn’t see fault as an individual flaw it was always part of a larger design. And here she was, stripping him of his argument with simple words.

He turned his face slightly, avoiding her gaze, whispering:

"It’s fine. I didn’t die."

"But I feared you would."

Time paused within him for a moment. A quick glance at her, this time not at her cold features, but at the slight tremble in her voice, the hidden cracks in her ice. He said, with a trace of bitterness:

"People feared for the academy, their positions, their reputations. No one feared for me."

"I did."

Silence followed, heavy like gray clouds before a storm. He had no reply, no excuse for doubting her.

"You know..." she said after a moment, her voice softer, as if speaking more to herself. "When I heard what happened, for the first time I felt fear and tried to convince them you’d survive."

A faint gasp slipped from his chest, but he didn’t comment, so she continued:

"I said you’d wake up. I wasn’t sure, but I said it with confidence... at least in front of them."

"And inside you?"

She hesitated, then whispered:

"I was very afraid, Valerian."

He almost smiled, something small stirred inside him, but the pain returned faster. He murmured:

"And now here we are... facing everything as if nothing happened."

She shook her head. "As if nothing happened? No. Everything has changed."

He looked at her for a long moment this time, staring into her gray eyes that revealed nothing, then said in a low voice:

"Did you expect this? That there would be betrayal, that Selina would be... accused, that I would be left alone in the depths of a delayed death?"

"No." She said it heavily. "And I wasn’t ready."

Then she added, her eyes on the scenery outside:

"But I’m learning, quickly, as we were all taught from a young age. To hide the shock, think clearly, and prepare for what’s next."

"Even if it’s at our expense? At the cost of what we feel?"

She looked at him slowly, as if for the first time seeing something in him other than her brother.

"Who said we’re allowed to feel?"

He smiled, bitterly.

"Maybe we gave it up, Claire. From the first time they called us Lockards."

She wanted to respond, but he was more right than she cared to admit. He interrupted her again:

"You know what was hardest? Not the pain, nor the loneliness. It was my fear of waking up... and finding no one there."

Silence.

Then she raised her hand slowly, placed it over his. She hadn’t done that since they were children. Her hand was cold, but her gesture was strangely warm.

"I’m here. And I may be late... but I won’t be late again."

He turned his hand to press her fingers, said nothing, but the carriage had entered the forest, where the leaves moved as if whispering, and the wind passed through the oak branches like old memories drifting through the mind.

Claire said, staring into the void:

"Sometimes... I wish we weren’t Lockards."

He raised an eyebrow, genuine surprise. "You?"

"Yes. I wish I were just a normal person, not someone expected to be a symbol or a light for someone else. But wishes don’t change anything, do they?"

"Maybe they don’t change who we are. But they show us what we want... and sometimes that’s enough to begin."

She laughed softly, her laughter rare and sweet in the emptiness.

"You speak like our father."

"Perhaps he speaks like me."

The sound of the wheels continued to echo in the air, but their conversation had approached a deeper point, where words begin to slip into the heart.

Claire said, after a moment of silence that gathered between them like clouds gathering over the earth:

"I’ve noticed something, Valerian."

He slowly raised his eyes to her, torn between curiosity and doubt, and replied in a low voice:

"What?"

"You..." she paused, as if the word resisted her. "You... are stronger. I don’t just mean physically, but... you’ve become more solid. Your way of thinking, of enduring. Even in how you deal with what you’ve been through. I felt it."

He looked at her wordlessly for a long time. Her words struck deeply, not because they reminded him of the strength he had gained, but because she spoke of things he hadn’t even admitted to himself. He suddenly felt the weight of this strength, as if it were a burden accumulating upon him with every pain he endured.

"I didn’t notice that," he finally said, while staring ahead at the road. "I don’t have the luxury of noticing anything."

But she insisted, even her voice sounded sharper this time:

"No, you don’t understand. You’re not who you used to be anymore, even in the way you walk, in your reactions, even in how you speak to people... You’ve become more cautious, you close your heart more, and you’re drifting away from who you were."

Their words were like thunderbolts striking the depths of a still sea. For the first time in a while, he felt everything around him becoming painfully clear. He had been trying to ignore the transformations he’d gone through, those that had been forced upon him as a result of the inner war he had fought, but deep down he knew they were real.

"I think you’re right." He said it without looking at her. "But that doesn’t mean I’ve become what I’m supposed to be."

"Exactly." Her eyes pulsed with deep sensitivity. "You’ve become stronger, but you haven’t yet reached the level you need to be at. There’s still much to learn... And don’t forget that strength isn’t only of the body."

His voice grew sharper, and he couldn’t hold himself back: "What do you want me to be? Do you want me to become what pleases you? What pleases House Lockard?"

But instead of being upset, her tone shimmered with the calm strength that always characterized her, and she said:

"I want you to be you, Valerian. Not what others want. But you haven’t yet reached your full potential. True strength isn’t just in defeating enemies, but in knowing when to retreat, when to remain firm despite all the raging winds."

Her words began to cut into his depths, each one hitting a point in his heart that opened up a new realm of thought.

"I can’t bear any more retreating." He said it in a weak voice, as if confessing to himself before declaring it to her. "I’ve always lived on hope. But when everyone let me down... I had nothing left to lean on."

"That’s the challenge, Valerian." She answered while staring into the horizon, as if her words were directed to the air itself. "To find strength when there’s nothing left before you but your weakness. And in that moment, you’ll know if you’re truly strong, or if you’ve only been hiding your weakness behind iron walls."

It took him several moments to gather his thoughts, to find himself returning to his old self still hiding in the corners. And despite all he’d been through, and everything that had been taken from him, he knew there was something growing inside him something that went beyond physical strength.

"You’re right." He said it at last, and the tone was more humble than she expected from him. "But I don’t think I’ll reach what you want from me quickly."

"It won’t happen overnight, of course." She replied in a calm tone, but it carried deep determination within it. "But that’s what truth means. To resist, then endure, then begin again every time the ground collapses beneath your feet."

It was a kind of surrender, too but not submission, rather a surrender to reality. Valerian knew well that he wasn’t standing on solid ground, but he was moving, as if every step lifted him higher, just one more step, to build something from a new foundation. 𝙛𝒓𝒆𝙚𝒘𝒆𝓫𝙣𝓸𝙫𝓮𝒍.𝒄𝒐𝓶

"I don’t want to be just a shadow, Claire." He said it in a firm tone, as if it wasn’t a request, but a necessity. "I want to be something more. Something I can’t explain yet."

She smiled, a soft but deep smile, as if she saw something in him he hadn’t seen yet.

"That’s the path, brother. Maybe we need each other more than we think."