There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)-Chapter 775: Side Story 4. Endless Journey - 58

When Byul got home, Kar was in the kitchen, cooking their dinner. It made his heart waver a little bit. Questioning someone this sweet and kind and affectionate felt cruel, no? It made Byul feel kind of guilty.

"You’re here?" Kar greeted him with a charming smile and a glance. "You haven’t eaten yet, have you?"

Byul took a deep breath, steadying his resolve. It was because of how wonderful his hyung was that he shouldn’t keep the questions hidden. Byul didn’t want to go on having curious thoughts that might turn into accusations in the long run because he decided to keep it to himself.

Yeah. Let’s not waver now.

How should he go about it, though?

"Byul?"

Hearing no reply from the actor, Kar was about to turn his head when he felt a weight on his back. A pair of arms circled his waist, and the tip of the curly hair tickled his nape. Kar chuckled and patted the hand around his waist.

"What’s wrong?" he asked gently. "Something difficult with your training?"

Byul tightened his hug, feeling both nervous and determined. "Hyung, can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Sure--"

"I wanna sleep in your bed..."

There was a pause from the esper; even the hands holding the pan and spatula stopped. "...my bed?"

"Yeah," Byul loosened his arms, looking up to observe the esper. "Can’t we?"

In another pause that ensued, Byul thought he could hear the sound of gulping--but he didn’t have an esper’s sharp hearing, so it might be his imagination. What wasn’t his imagination was the sound of clearing throat and how the esper turned off the stove.

"Sure, why can’t we?" Kar said while wiping his hands and shifting away toward the fridge to get cool water.

Yeah, that was suspicious. Byul might not be an esper with a heightened sense, but he was an actor who learned about expression. He knew when people were avoiding him, and having his hyung avoiding him on the spot felt uncomfortable.

Biting his lips, Byul chased his hyung and grabbed the man’s sleeve. "Hyung...when I said I want to sleep with you, you know I didn’t mean just sleeping...don’t you?"

Because if it was just a regular sleeping, there was no need for Kar to make that reaction. After all, the esper sometimes slipped into Byul’s bed and hugged him to sleep. Ever since that graduation night, however, Kar never did it again, and it just felt suspicious. Also frustrating, because despite clearly thinking about it earlier, Kar quickly deflected it.

Kar frowned slightly as he turned. "Byul..."

Clutching the front of the esper’s shirt, Byul asked quietly. "Can’t we?" he asked, almost in a whisper. Being determined didn’t mean he wouldn’t get embarrassed. "Do you...not want to...Hyung?"

"That’s not--" Kar quickly said, and also quickly stopped to wipe his face. "I..."

Byul looked up carefully, clutching the black shirt even more. "So...you want to?"

Kar pressed his lips before crouching with clutching his head, groaning. Byul had to let go of his grip on the black shirt, and his hands hung in the air in confusion. "H-hyung?"

"Of course I want to!" Kar lamented on the floor. "How could I not? You’re just so cute, so pretty, so enticing..."

Byul could barely stop himself from screaming at the sudden barrage of flustering adjectives. But it was also the first time he saw his prim and proper hyung looking like this, so his attention was focused on that. He crouched too, full of confusion. freewebnoveℓ.com

"T-then...why, hyung?" Byul asked, hugging his legs. "Is it...is it because I’m too young?"

But...he was already an adult, though? Besides, for all he knew, people his age already had experience--some even had a lot of it. Especially in showbiz, when people even use that kind of thing as a ’currency’ of some sort--for lack of a better word.

But the esper shook his head. "That’s not it, Byul..." Kar held his bowed head, still couldn’t seem to meet Byul’s eyes. "I...I’m scared."

"...yes?"

It took Byul a few seconds to digest that word. Scared? Kar was scared? Of what? It couldn’t be the sexual act itself, right? Looking back on how smoothly the esper flirted with him after they got together, it was rather unbelievable to think that Kar was scared of having sex.

In that case...

Byul frowned slightly. "Because...I’m just a normal person?"

"No!" Kar looked up quickly, and again, quickly wavered. "I mean...yes, but that’s not..."

"So it’s true," Byul bit his lips, hugging his legs tighter.

"No, baby!" Kar swiftly cupped the younger’s cheeks, sighing heavily as he pressed their forehead together. "It’s not because I think you are weak, but..."

Byul pressed his lips, trying to quell the uneasiness in his heart. He had tried hard all his young life to accept the fact that he was different from his family and childhood friends. He didn’t want it to be something that could disturb his relationship with the man of his dreams.

"But what?"

Kar exhaled again, pulling back with a deep frown. "But...I’m scared I won’t be able to control myself and...end up hurting you."

As an esper, Kar has heard all kinds of stories about his own kind, including the unsavory ones. He had heard stories of guides passing out from sexual guiding, or espers acting violent during sex. There was a significant difference in strength and endurance between even the lowest rank esper and civilians, and horror stories about espers--especially those focusing on strength like warriors and defenders--causing harm during sex with non-awakened existed out there.

Of course, some of it was intentional and avoidable, but some were also accidental. It could happen even without intention, and Kar definitely didn’t want to do anything that could harm Byul--even if it was by accident.

Byul blinked, staring at the esper’s deep concern and shaking eyes. Even the fingers on his face were slightly trembling. It seemed to be a more serious concern for Kar than for him.

Okay, so he finally got his answer--which was a legit one, if he must say. Byul also understood why Kar couldn’t say anything, perhaps to avoid hurting his feelings. Byul himself was aware that he still had a complex about that, however small.

But that didn’t solve the problem at all.

Byul sighed, holding the hands cupping his face. "Then...are you going to keep avoiding it forever?"

"No, I..." still with a frown, Kar let go of the younger’s face so he could hold Byul’s hands instead. "Until I can be confident enough to control myself..."

"And how will you know that, Hyung?" Byul asked, a bit sharper than he intended.

Unless he did it, how would he know how he would react during sex? It would be a new sensation, just like their first kiss. Byul also had no idea he would catch a fever because of that.

While Kar was looking at him in confusion, he asked again. "Are you going to practice with a guide or something?"

"Gods, no!" Kar denied it vehemently. He even looked offended at the thought. "How could you think I can do it with anyone but you?"

"Well..."

Kar sighed and massaged his suddenly throbbing temple. "Besides, Asa is my only guide."

"Then?" Byul did not relent. "How will you know you’ll be able to control yourself already?"

"That’s..."

Kar frowned again. Byul was right. It was one thing to control his power or mana on the battlefield. But what about controlling himself on the bed? In front of this pretty, enticing, adorable creature that could light his desire with just a kiss?

"You can’t, right?" Byul pursed his lips after the long silence.

"That may be the case, but..."

"Hyung," Byul grasped the older’s face this time. "I’m saying that since you won’t know, let’s just do it."

"...what?" the blue and amber widened in shock.

"You can practice with me."

That didn’t make Kar less bewildered. He knew this was how the conversation started earlier, but...he never thought he would hear Byul giving him such a scandalous invitation.

Perhaps because Kar looked so surprised, Byul started to get flustered again, lowering his hands and fiddling with his fingers. "I--I mean...we can t-try? And, umm...go slowly? I mean, figuring it out together?"

"But what if..." Kar frowned again, although it wasn’t as deep as before. "What if something goes wrong?"

"Then we figure it out together?" Byul shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "We can prepare potions or something for me if you’re worried, and...well, I heard it wouldn’t hurt if we, umm...prepared thoroughly."

"Oh..."

Byul swallowed and looked at Kar carefully, "What do you think, hyung?"

"...can I, really?" Kar muttered while taking the younger’s fiddling fingers on his hands. "Will you really be okay? It might hurt, and..."

Kar paused, seemingly falling into deep contemplation. Byul waited patiently, wondering what the esper wanted to say.

"Maybe you should be the one to--"

"Nope," Byul shook his head quickly and cut the esper with a brief kiss. "I want you to embrace me, Hyung."

Kar inhaled sharply. "You really are..."

He grasped and held the actor tightly, kissing the smiling lips like he was thirsty for them. Perhaps he was. Unconsciously, Kar had been limiting himself from touching Byul too much these days. It put him in relief when he felt Byul laugh into the kiss, chuckling against his lips when he pulled the actor to his lap.

"Haa..."

In the end, however, he had to stop again. He didn’t run away this time, though, keeping Byul on his lap.

"Why?" the curly head tilted.

Kar smiled wryly. "Need to buy some stuff first."

"What stuff?"

Byul shuddered when he felt a finger rubbed his backside. Kar whispered in his ear. "To prepare thoroughly."

"Oh," Byul exclaimed softly and giggled, closing his eyes to enjoy the warm hand caressing his face.

"Thank you, Byul."

"Huh?"

Still with a wry smile, Kar let out a sigh. "I felt so pathetic, making you worry like this."

"It’s...it’s not exactly a worry," Byul muttered. "I was just...confused?"

"Yeah, but you managed to bring it up to me," Kar explained. "I was just full of hesitation and avoiding the problem."

Yeah, even with this relationship, it was Byul who brought it forward. How funny--Kar thought. This adorable little thing had more courage than him, a Saint-class esper.

"Truly," Kar smiled helplessly, stroking the young man on his lap. "You’re the strongest."

Byul tilted his head. "Not Lucy?"

Kar threw his head back and laughed until he stumbled back again, bringing Byul falling with him on the kitchen floor. The actor couldn’t help but laugh too, lying on top of the broad chest. A playful peck along the esper’s jaw turned into a breathless kiss, and Byul gathered enough courage to whisper.

"But, Hyung..." with reddened ears, he spoke at the esper beneath him. "Can I...can I at least touch you tonight?"

If Kar was blushing hard like a virgin that he was, that was a secret.