The Last Experience Point-Chapter 181: Crisis on 10th and Junction
Chapter 181: Crisis on 10th and Junction
“There he is.”
His palm flat, Jimmy raised his hand above his forehead and peered into the distance. Though he couldn’t actually see Zach, he knew that the kid was coming. With the boss having flattened and destroyed what Jimmy estimated to be around ten-thousand acres of land, it was easy to spot the wispy, chalky line that led from where Jimmy currently stood all the way to some point directly southeast of here. And now, he could see another one forming beside it, leading right back towards him just as the other started to fade.
Eventually, Jimmy was able to make out the form of Zach, which was leading up this new, chalky, and contrail-like streak, and he was moving fast enough to blast tons of dirt and soil behind him. Slowing himself, he planted his fiery feet into the ground and skidded to a halt until eventually stopping. Then he marched directly over to Jimmy as well as Kalana who stood nearby. “I’m back,” he said. “Loot.”
Jimmy chuckled, though he did so hesitantly, as something seemed to be off with Zach, though it was so slight he couldn’t really place it. He couldn’t even be sure he wasn’t misreading things or imagining them. With his hood off, Jimmy was able to get a good look at his eyes, and there was just something about them, but it was so subtle that Jimmy genuinely couldn’t be certain if it was real or a trick of the lighting. Before Jimmy could tell for sure, Zach once more pulled the hood over his head, which obscured his face in shadow and gave him that menacing glow.
“Come on. What’re we all waiting for?”
“Zach, don’t be in such a rush,” Kalana said. “We should deal with your exertion debt first. I don’t want anything bad to happen to y—”
“Let’s at least get started,” he interrupted. “I want to see what we’ve got.” More loudly, he added, “Shouldn’t we at least take a peek first?”
The adventurers definitely felt the same way, and so too did the political guild members, and they let this be well known by shouting out their agreement. Jimmy smiled. He then looked directly ahead of himself, to where Zach’s ring had blasted a spiral-shaped trench into the ground, one that ran for several miles. At the very foot of this trench, in the spot where the boss had last resided, there were mounds upon mounds of weapons, armor, golden coins, and other such trinkets.
“All right,” Jimmy said to an applause. “Let’s at least get everything out of there and sorted.”
Jimmy, along with Donovan and Zephyr, walked their way over to the trench. The rest of the raid did not stay put, however. They followed, and now they formed something of a semicircle around the three of them as though excited and wanting to see everything that they’d earned from the boss.
Everyone’s enthusiasm was infectious, and Jimmy, having finally proven his worth, had more than enough reason to join in their cheer. Though things had been a lot closer and more difficult than they should have been, he still considered this whole raid a big “W” on his scorecard: something to erase the stain of the last one. Now, they just had to start taking him seriously. Or at least as seriously as they were taking all this loot.
Is it just me or is there a kind of nervousness about everyone all of a sudden?
It turned out there was, and the reason behind it soon became clear.
“There’s no way I’m letting anyone steal the loot this time around,” Zach said. “Not after what happened on our last big raid. You weren’t there for that, Jimmy, but the Guild of Gentlemen stole everything from us.”
“Fuckers sure did,” Donovan agreed with a grunt. “Can’t let that happen again.”
“Hell no we won’t!” one of the adventurers cried out, his words echoed by dozens of those nearby him. Jimmy couldn’t blame them. Loot ninjas were the worst. Once, back when the DKP system was still popular, his buddy, “Anthraxkillah,” tried to pull that shit. Jimmy managed to talk him out of it, but even still, the fact he’d even tried to ninja the loot got him exiled from just about every guild on the server, and to this day, he was still shunned and known as the guy who tried to steal everybody’s loot. Or…or maybe “to this day” was the wrong expression, as unless scientists discovered a cure for aging, it was safe to assume that “Anthraxkillah,” along with everyone Jimmy had ever played with, had been dead for thousands of years.
Shit, he thought to himself as a chill ran through his body. Every time I think about that, it gets to me.
Fortunately, Jimmy’s attention was taken off the uncomfortable peculiarities of his current circumstance as Zach, whistling appreciatively, pointed and said, “I think something down there is shining silver. And I see a few gold shines, too!”
“He’s right!” a woman from Children of Order called out. “Dutchess Darkmae, I believe an artifact-quality item dropped!”
This led to immediate “oohs” and “ahhs” from the entire raid. Only a few artifact-quality items were known to exist in this world, and from what Jimmy understood, one of them actually belonged to Fluffles, the cat. Supposedly, he’d won his artifact-rarity collar during a raid on Earth, and it allowed him to become invisible for periods of up to an hour. Then, of course there was the incredible sword Zephyr wielded, which could change color and element following a multi-hit combination with the weapon—which had actually made it somewhat useless against the Mare of the Primordial Void, as by the time the melee group had been called in, it was already immune to most elements.
“Looks like we got a decent haul with this boss,” Zephyr said, his stance confident, his palms on his sides. “I think I see one Artifact, two Legendary, a handful of Epic Rare, and a slew of Rares: also, plenty of Uncommons and Commons.”
Since they were all in the same raid group, the loot likely shined for everyone. And indeed, there was one silver shine, two gold, about four purple, more than a dozen blue, and then too much green and white to count. But there was something else, too. Something that immediately drew Jimmy’s eyes.
“Wait a second,” he said, his words drawing a bunch of attention onto himself. He pointed. “That’s not shining.”
Buried deep in all the loot, and difficult to see with all the shining, there was a box-shaped object that did not shine at all—and more, it was actually moving! The box, which looked to Jimmy like a miniature Jack-in-the-Box, was actually bouncing up and down off an uncommon-rarity harpoon, clacking against it repeatedly before continuing to jump. And now, having come close enough, Jimmy realized there was a small…wait, what was that?
“Is that a dialogue bubble?” he asked.
“A what?” Zephyr, Donovan, and Fiona all replied.
“Look,” Jimmy said, pointing.
Each time the Jack-in-the-Box-like object bounced upwards, a white, oval-shaped dialogue bubble filled with soundless words would then briefly appear in the air just above it, and each time, the words were exactly the same.
“Let Muk-Muk out!” it read, though there was no noise associated with the box other than the clack as it bounced continuously off the loot.
“Well,” Jimmy said, nodding, “I think we just found the answer to the debuff problem.”
“Wait, seriously?” Alixa asked, not bothering to hide her skepticism. “What makes you think that?”
“Nothing in particular other than the fact that there’s got to be something. And if it ain’t that, then what?”
“Yes, but Jimmy, what even is that?”
“We’re about to find out.”
Jimmy studied its motion carefully, then waited for it to land and pop back up. Then, quickly, he leaned forward towards the trench and went to grab it, hoping to snatch it right as it began to fall back down. But not only did Jimmy miss catching the box, he also almost fell forward and inside the trench. “W-whoah!” he cried out as he slipped and then braced himself to fall face-forward onto a very pointy-looking sword.
“Gotcha,” a female voice said from behind him. Suddenly, he realized he was hanging forward midair, and someone was grabbing the back of his robe. He looked behind himself. “Th-thanks, Kalana,” he said, swallowing nervously as Zach stepped forward and effortlessly plucked it right out of the air with his burning glove. Kalana pulled him back so that Jimmy once more stood on two feet on solid ground, and then Zach handed him the box.
“Thanks.”
Jimmy looked down at it. Much like a Jack-in-the-Box, it also had a wind up on the side. And so, naturally, he began to turn it.
“Wait!” Kalana said. “Shouldn’t we talk this over first?”
“Yeah, this could be dangerous,” Zach agreed. “What if that summons some kind of ancient evil?”
Jimmy, whose hand still gripped the crank, halted a moment. But then he continued. “Nah, it’s gonna be fine.”
Although he could spot doubt in many of the faces around him, no one seemed willing to directly intervene or challenge him. So instead, everyone merely stood by and watched as he turned the crank around and around and around. Unlike an actual Jack-in-the-Box, though, there was no music and barely any sound except for a slight creak. It also seemed to go on for a while longer, but he was persistent, and he continued to turn and turn and turn. “Just get ready for the loud pop,” Jimmy said. “I hate when these things—”
He himself yelped out, startled, as a loud, firecracker-like pop caused him and about twenty other people to jump. Following this pop, the top of the box evaporated, and a mass of white, strangely shaped energy shot out from within. This energy then traveled about twenty feet straight upwards in the air, growing larger and larger as it did, and all while arranging itself into a humanoid shape. Then the light came back down, and when it landed, it was no longer a light at all: it was a massive, muscled-up, dual-horned Orc with a clearly visible name above its head in bold green lettering, indicating friendliness.
HP
???/???
Name
Muk-Muk <Shaman>
Level
950
At once, every adventurer stepped backwards and away from this scantily clad, massive Orc, which wore nothing but a loincloth, a belt, and a decorative shawl over its shoulders. The Orc, though clearly friendly, looked incredibly vicious, and it had a massive axe attached to its belt on one side of its hip and a club on its other side. Its teeth were also yellowed except for its two large, very sharp tusks, which had little cloth emblems attached to each displaying some kind of war pattern such as a skull on the left and a crude illustration of meat on the right.
“Thank you free Muk-Muk, adventurers,” the Orc NPC barked. It then began to do an incredibly stupid-looking dance, shifting its weight from its left foot to its right then back again. It was actually kind of hilarious. “Hurray! Muk-Muk the Shaman free. Muk-Muk captured by war horse. Now Muk-Muk do battle and war again!”
As it continued to speak, something very strange began to happen to the raid: a divergence of sorts. Kalana’s entire body seemed to tighten with disgust, and so too did most of the other adventurers. But not the political guild members. Their mood was closer to Jimmy’s: amusement. And this really came into focus as the Orc unsheathed its club, roared out victoriously, and then threw its own club at the ground, causing it to bounce off the dirt, rebound, and hit its own self in the head.
“Owie, Owie! Oops! Muk-Muk big stupid!” the Orc barked out.
Jimmy, loving every moment, burst straight into laughter, and so did every single member of the political guilds including Duchess Fiona Darkmae, who applauded. At the same time, Kalana, Zach, Rian, and even Lienne—along with every other adventurer—began to shake their heads in utter disgust and revulsion—and they directed a lot of this at him, too.
“Jimmy!” Kalana snapped.
“The fuck’s wrong with you, kiddo?” Donovan demanded.
“Who, me?”
“Yeah, you.”
Utterly confused, Jimmy stared back at them blankly. “Huh? What’s…what’s with this crazy reaction?”
“Are you for real?” Kalana asked, pointing her finger at him.
“I don’t have any idea what you’re mad at me for. I didn’t do shit. Why the hell is everybody—”
Jimmy’s words cut off as he caught sight of the Orc accidentally banging his head into his club again, and he burst out laughing a second time. “Oh, damn! Look at him go.”
“That!” Kalana snapped at him. “That’s why we’re mad.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Umm, it’s ‘cause you’re being, like, super racist. I can’t believe you’re laughing at something so disgusting.”
“Disgusting?” Jimmy said, repeating the word in a much higher-pitched. “Yo, this is hilarious. What are you people talking about? This is amazing.”
“It really is,” said Nimona, the woman from Children of Order who had earlier summoned the huge man in the sky that had launched ice spears down at the boss. “Ha-ha-ha! This is fantastic.”
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“It’s not!” Kalana shouted at her, angrily.
She responded by narrowing her eyes at Kalana, which caused Trelvor and Seiley to make their presence known. “Excuse me for having a sense of humor, Elf.”
“Sense of humor? That’s not a sense of humor. It’s racist.”
“She’s a hundred-percent right,” Maric said. “Everything about this is incredibly dated and hateful.”
“Yeah, this is all kinds’a fucked up,” Donovan growled.
The NPC continued on, clearly not sentient. “I am healer Orc! Muk-Muk do the healings! Haha! And the wars!” It then began another very stupid dance, spinning itself in circles until it got dizzy and collapsed. Jimmy couldn’t help it. He clapped and laughed. And now, even Zach began to glare at him. He was so confused.
“I don’t get it,” he said. “Why are ya’ll acting this way? Just enjoy the cutscene, shit. The hell has gotten into everyone all of a sudden?”
As the adventurers lit up with even more ire, it was Tena who jumped in front of Jimmy and extended her arms as though shielding him from their anger, and with a sincere, but firm voice, she loudly said, “Jimmy doesn’t know any better! He doesn’t even understand that what he’s doing is wrong! So cut him some slack!”
This caused the eye of almost every adventurer to turn on her as she continued, “You guys already all know he wasn’t was born here and he’s from one of the last human colonies on Earth, right? So, he doesn’t understand that the Orcs are different today. He doesn’t even know he’s doing anything wrong. Please don’t hate him or think he’s a bad person. Jimmy’s never even met an Orc or seen one. He doesn’t know anything.”
“Oh, that’s right,” Zach said, confusing Jimmy even more. Kalana nodded as well.
“I get it,” Kalana said. “Jimmy’s just confused.”
“Okay, will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?” Jimmy demanded.
Tena lowered her arms and turned around. “Okay, so you might not know this, but Orcs are extremely sensitive, kind, sophisticated, and educated people,” she began. “And if any Orc in Galterra was here right now and saw this, they would be brought to tears and would probably never adventure ever again. You can’t even understand how much this caricature would hurt them.”
Jimmy opened his mouth to reply, but the words that came from his lips differed from those he planned on speaking. “Actually…I think I might, believe it or not.”
“Huh? How?” Kalana asked him.
Jimmy refused to get into that topic. Not here. Not now. That was thousands of years behind him. So instead, he looked again at Muk-Muk and said, “Wait, but if this is so offensive, then why are they shown this way?”
This time, it was Zephyr who answered. “This is how Orcs behaved many, many thousands of years ago. I suppose this was considered socially acceptable at the time. But it isn’t now. No one finds this funny except them,” he said, his voiced laced with bitterness as he gestured with his chin at the political guild members, all of whom reacted indignantly and with a degree of plain hostility to Zephyr’s tone.
“Guys, lighten up,” Duchess Darkmae said.
“Fi!” Kalana yelped, almost as though wounded. “I thought you were better than this! You’re being so mean.”
“Kal, you know I love you, so don’t sour our friendship over some laughs. Look, whatever ‘Great Ones’ made this mob clearly intended for us to laugh at it.” She threw out her arms as though outraged. “That kind of makes it okay, no?”
“Nah-uh!” Kalana said defiantly. It’s really, really mean and hurtful and I don’t like it.”
Zephyr nodded. “Agreed.” The other adventurers voice their own agreement as well.
Jimmy, finally understanding the nature of things, stopped laughing. He now found it much less funny himself. “I just wanna say I had no idea that…you know, that this was how it was.”
“No, no, it’s okay,” Lienne said to him. “We know you didn’t understand. Right?” she asked, causing adventurers nearby to nod. “It’s them who are the problem. I stand with the non-human races!” Nervously, she looked over to Trelvor, who nodded at her with approval, and then she smiled back at him. Jimmy had no idea what that was about. “I used to…feel the same way,” she explained, “but I know better now, and they should too.”
Fiona shook her head dramatically. “Gods, you guys, nobody here is actually racist. You know that, right? We’re just enjoying the show: just like Jimmy said. Can’t we all just lighten up and have a laugh?”
“No, we can’t,” Alixa said, glaring at Fiona. “Not if it’s at the expense of the Orcs or any race of people. How would you feel if the Orcs thought about humans this way?”
“They probably do,” Nimona argued, speaking up for her guild leader.
“They don’t!” Alixa shouted angrily. “And you know damn well that they don’t.”
As the Orc, “Muk-Muk,” continued to bang its own head, fall over, and speak like a cave-man, a vicious political debate began heating up between the adventurers and the Children of Order, with the latter claiming that the former was “ruining the fun” of the moment, which was strange, because from what Jimmy had always heard, it was the adventurers who loved fun and the political guild members who behaved uptight.
Watching this all go down, Jimmy suddenly felt kind of dirty for all the laughing he’d just done. He reflected upon his own experiences growing up and realized he’d really come down on the wrong side of this. But how was he supposed to know? To him this really was the standard Orc behavior in all the games and movies and TV shows he’d ever encountered. Feeling self-conscious, he decided he wanted to again reassure everyone that he had no idea that what he’d said was considered unacceptable by Galterran standards. But thankfully, someone else spoke up first on his behalf.
“Clearly, Jimmy is blameless in this,” Lord Oren said, “and I honestly think he now understands the situation much better. But I just want to add that I—and my guild, Lords of Justice—firmly oppose and condemn the mockery and shameful conduct being displayed by Children of Order. There is no universe in which this kind of disgusting racism is acceptable, and Duchess Darkmae, while I respect you and your guild, I do feel that it’s unbecoming of a young guild leader such as yourself to not only condone this kind of laughter, but to promote and spread it.”
With those words, for the first time today, Lord Oren earned himself nods instead of contemptuous glares from his former fellow adventurers. This, as the argument began to heat up—or at least it would have if Jimmy didn’t happen to hear something of extreme consequence from Muk-Muk: something so important he shouted out and interrupted everybody.
“Guys, quiet!” he yelled. “What did it just say? Everyone, shut up! Seriously, shh!”
Thankfully, they all did, and every eye once more went back on the Orc NPC, who was still speaking. “Adventurers worry? Not worry! Muk-Muk not be gone! In ten minutes, he relocate to Shadowfall Coat. Muk-Muk cure boss curses up to T3! First time free!”
Upon those words, a silence seemed to settle in, one that Jimmy could sense was laced with fear and uncertainty. It was an “oh shit” kind of silence. And this, like everything else, confused him. Because to him, the significance of the Orc’s words were clear: they had ten minutes to speak to it and cure their Curse of the Void or else they would have to get up and trek their asses all the way down to Shadowfall Coast and do it there. And that was what made it so important. But to everybody else? There seemed to be a whole different meaning. Something far, far graver in consequence.
“Guys, what’s wrong?” Jimmy asked. “Why’s everybody looking like the world just ended?”
Nobody answered him. Instead, Zach and Kalana exchanged a wide-eyed, terrified stare, and then both turned to Lord Oren, who appeared equally disturbed. “It’s going to appear in Shadowfall Coast?” Lord Oren asked with a gasp. “C-can we stop it?”
“I don’t think so,” Fiona replied, no longer looking as though she found any of this entertaining.
“Oh, Gods,” Rian said, visibly shaking. “Oh no, no, no!”
Something really bad must be going on if even Rian doesn’t find this situation funny, Jimmy realized.
Jimmy asked again what was going on, and it was Tena who filled him in. She grabbed his arm and pulled on him so that he crouched, lowering himself down a bit until his ear was level with her mouth. “The people of Shadowfall Coast are going to become apoplectic if they see an Orc,” she whispered. “It could disrupt any chance the Royal Roses have of bringing peace to the city. They’re not ready for this yet.”
“How come?” Jimmy asked.
Tena began whispering animatedly to him, describing a tense regional situation that involved a culture known for intolerance of non-human races. This was exactly the kind of shit Jimmy had deliberately avoided learning about until now, but he supposed it was inevitable he learned more about this world at some point.
“Well, look,” Jimmy said, speaking loudly enough now so that everyone could hear him. “Muk-Muk isn’t even a real Orc, so I think ya’ll are overthinking things. We should all just get our debuff cured, and then uh, you know, let whoever’s in charge over there worry about it.”
“Agree,” Donovan grunted, to which Zephyr and a great many of the adventurers nodded. But not all the adventurers. And definitely not any of the former ones.
“Unfortunately, that’s not a liberty I have,” Lord Oren said, turning around and showing his back to the raid. “I’m afraid I must skip loot and return immediately. I wish all of you the best of luck.” Following those words, he hurried off. At the same time, Fiona began fumbling with her phone, and so too did Kalana and even Zach.
“Hey, uh, Vim?” Zach’s nervous voice uttered. “We got a situation here.”
“Mom?” Kalana said into her own phone, sounding very, very nervous. “Yeah…there’s something you should know,” she said.
“Hello, High-Lord Besh,” Fiona began. “Yes, this is Duchess Fiona Darkmae of the Children of Order. I have some information I feel I must share with you.”
Jimmy scratched his head. What the hell was going on?
****
“You fucking did whaaaaaaaaaat?” Vim shouted into his Comm with such anger and intensity that he could feel blood vessels popping into his face.
“It’s going to be there in like five minutes.”
Vim wiped his forehead, ridding himself of frustrated sweat. He began pacing back and forth at the foot of the war-torn street, where armed, level-1 troops were racing past him on both sides. “You…you fucking imbecile! How could you do something so stupid? Were you dropped on the head as a baby? You were, weren’t you, Zach?”
“Oh, fuck you, Vim!” Zach shouted right back at him. “We didn’t know that something like this would happen. So stop acting like it’s our fault!”
“It is your fault, Zach! Do you have any idea what is about to happen now? They say bird brains are the size of walnuts. Yours is half the size of that!”
“Your entire body is the size of a walnut, Vim!”
“Ohh, real funny, Zach. But I doubt anyone will be laughing when you have to explain to the world how you fucked up and summoned yet another NPC into another city and caused another major disruption! You brain is a burned-out lightbulb, you daft fool!”
“At least I’m tall enough to change a fucking lightbulb, you two-foot-tall bitch!”
Vim actually clapped with anger. “Too bad nobody would trust you enough to change one, you incompetent fucking brat!”
“I didn’t do shit!” Zach growled into the Comm. “This isn’t even my fault! I was just there helping. Jimmy led the raid, not me. I had, like, nothing to do with it. And that’s the truth!”
“Yes, and? Is that supposed to matter? Try to remember, Zach, that this ‘Jimmy’ you speak of is just a random adventurer with no responsibility. You are now one of the highest-ranking human officials in the world! And one with a preexisting reputation for causing this kind of mayhem. No matter what, the responsibility will fall on you! Which means me. Which means us! You and your girlfriend will—”
Vim was unable to finish what he’d been about to say as Fylwen chose that moment to chime in. Given the nature of this “incident,” it seemed more sensible to have everyone of high standing on the same call, and as a consequence of that, it seemed they had to take turns shouting at the kids.
“Kalana, this is the second time you’ve done something like this!”
“Mom, this had nothing to do with me and Zach!” she yelled back angrily. “We were just helping!”
“Oh? Just helping? Well, that’s not how the world is going to see this, you foolish little girl! I want you over here immediately. I am profoundly upset with you right now!”
“But mom, we didn’t even do loot yet!”
“I DO NOT CARE, KALANA! YOU GET OVER HERE NOW!”
“You too, Zach,” Vim added.
A derisive laugh came from his Comm. “Haha, yeah, because I’m totally going to miss out on loot. Suck my dick, Vim.”
“Wh-what vile language!” Fylwen growled, tearing down Zach before Vim even had the chance to do so. “You will not speak that way, boy! Not if you wish to be part of my daughter’s life!”
“Th-that was kind of mean and bad to say, baby,” Kalana chirped in agreement. “My mom’s right.”
Vim braced himself for the blowup he knew would be coming. But Zach actually surprised him as he audibly sighed. “You’re right. That was a childish and inappropriate response, and I shouldn’t have said that. Okay, let me be clear but respectful. I’m not coming. I’m rolling on the loot, and then I’m going home to sleep. That’s my decision, and my therapist stands by it.”
Both Vim and Fylwen shouted at him as he disconnected off the Comm line, but he was gone too fast to hear any of it. It was at this point that Lord Oren chimed in. “Let him rest,” he said. “We don’t actually need Zach to be present. It’s Kalana the people want. Also, I will claim full responsibility for this incident and get ahead of it. I will take as much heat off the Royal Roses as I can.”
“Like hell you will,” High-Lord Besh angrily said over the Comm. “Our guild is barely holding together as it is. We’ve lost more members in one day than at any point in our history. We cannot be held to account for something like this right now!”
“I understand that, High-Lord Besh, but clearly, I cannot put this all on Lord Calador and Princess Vayra. I suggest a joint press conference expressing equal responsibility among the Lords of Justice, Royal Roses, Elvadin, and the Children of Order.”
“That could work,” Vim said, “but how will we explain it while hiding the fact that a boss spawned?”
“We shall do no such thing!” Fylwen said, her voice heated. “My people tire of these lies. And while I can agree to a statement expressing mutual responsibility, what I cannot do is continue this pattern of perpetuating more ridiculous, self-serving human lies. Much as we have done in warning our human citizens of the imminent Leviathan spawn, the people of Whispery Woods shall be told the truth: that there was a boss spawn in Faded Island, that all human lives were saved with minimal and minor injuries, and lastly, that in the process of defeating this boss, an Orcish NPC was released. I will not tolerate more lies!”
“B-but wait a second,” Duchess Darkmae said urgently over the Comm. “We haven’t even told our own people about that, and they were the ones to endure it. We’re actively suppressing it!”
“Well, then, I suggest you get ahead of it, human girl. As for myself, I am ordering all news agencies operating out of Whispery Woods to tell only the truth and to begin covering the story honestly.”
Vim moaned. “Abram Gespon is going to have a fucking fit if you do that, Fylwen.”
“Good. Let him. I do not care. As I said, I tire of these human lies. And what’s more, I will no longer be a part of them. I will no longer be convinced to lie just so that the human guilds can continue their—”
Vim’s eyes widened as he looked ahead of him. “Wait, hold up! Ah, shit! It’s here. I see it.”
“It’s where?” chimed in Lord Oren, his tone serious. The sound of running footsteps could be heard in the background of his Comm.
“It reached you guys already?” Kalana asked.
Vim stood on his tiptoes to get a better view. A commotion was forming here on 10th and Junction Street. The Lieutenant in charge was shouting at him, but Vim ignored the man’s words, as he did not need to hear them to know what the man had to say. It was obvious just from a cursory glance.
Halfway across the block, with bold green letters above its name, there was now an extremely happy-looking Orcish NPC named Muk-Muk, and it was dancing and shouting something about curing boss curses.
“Oh, fucking shit!” Vim hissed. “Oh, no. We’re about to have a major situation on our hands.”
“What kind of situation?” Lord Oren asked, sounding panicked.
“Mass casualty event.”
“No!”
It began as anyone could have predicted it would. A citizen leaned out of his apartment’s third-story window and screamed. “Those Royal Roses mother fuckers! They’ve already brought Orcs here! Orcs! On our homeland!”
And then he did something so stupid it caused Vim to hold his breath. From out of his window, he threw a glass bottle at the NPC: one that exploded into fire and dealt exactly 0 damage. Having been aggroed, the NPCs name turned red, its body spun to the left, and it ran—and then smashed—through the nearest wall before disappearing inside the building. What followed were the sounds of men and women screaming and dying as they were presumably chopped in pieces. Gunshots were followed by more cries, and then there were more bangs as the NPC began knocking down any wall in its way as it eliminated each and every person foolish enough to attack.
“We have a mass casualty event in progress,” Vim whispered into his Comm as the NPC reappeared out of another, fresh hole in the wall covered in human blood.
“Muk-Muk cure boss curses!” the NPC said, its name very briefly turning green. “Adventurers say hi to Muk-Muk!”
Across the street, four ordinary, unarmed level-1s who weren’t even guerilla fighters began shouting at it, then one ran up and slapped the Orc with her purse. The orc responded by biting her entire head off. It simply opened it mouth and chomped down, causing a mass of blood and several visible pieces of lung to rain down on the pavement, along with a significant amount of it to be swallowed down the Orc’s throat.
“No!” another, younger woman cried, slapping the NPC. “Vicious, vile, Orcish animal! You killed my mother!””
Gunshots rang out from the window of the apartment behind her. And so, as the Orc bludgeoned the young woman over the head with his club, killing her instantly and causing her brains to leak out of her ears, it happily marched its way through another wall, its name once again red. It was obviously going to kill each and every person who had aggroed it, no matter how mildly or innocently. Even just throwing a pebble at it would likely result in a person’s slaughter if the NPC interrupted it as a deliberate hostile action intended to inflict DPS.
“This is going to be really, really bad,” Vim said. “I can’t stop it. It’s assassinating humans one by one. Most of them innocent civilians.”
“No!” Lord Oren yelled. “I’m hurrying as fast as I can!”
“Same!” Kalana added.
Vim rubbed his eyes, which suddenly felt heavy. This was going to be a political nightmare. Into his Comm, he said, “We need CC. Lots of CC. Nothing damaging. I think we need to put an entire city block to sleep before everyone on this block is dead. That’ll look terrible on the news.”
“How can that be what you’re worried about?” Kalana shrieked at him.
Vim knew better than to respond to her harshly, as he would suffer the wrath of her mother, so he said nothing.
Gods damned Zach!
