The Heretic of Cleric Academy-Chapter 86

When I had evacuated about 8 people, no, 9 people from the building, I looked at my watch. The hour hand was halfway past 1 o’clock. It was already too late to go to the appointment ceremony. Even if I left now, I would be late.

At that time, I thought that there was nothing more important than human life, and that it was right to boldly give up on some appointment ceremony and save the people remaining in the building. What moved my body was my own sense of justice and chivalry. So I rushed into the building through the flames.

There I saw Kim Jin-seo.

I don’t remember the exact situation at that time. However, she was probably crying then. She was crying because she was sad, or tears came out while coughing from inhaling smoke. Whatever it was, the fact that tears were welling up in her eyes was certain.

"..."

I laughed seeing her crying. More precisely, laughter leaked out without my knowing.

Kim Jin-seo is the chairman’s daughter. If I threw my body to save her, I would look good in the eyes of Chairman Kim Chang-won too.

With my body already mangled, if I worked it even harder and made it completely tattered, I thought I might be able to earn some sympathy.

If that happened, wouldn’t they show leniency even if I was late to the appointment ceremony? Even if I wasn’t destined to be selected for the Holy Name of Charity originally, couldn’t I become the Holy Name of Charity through this incident...

With such sordid thoughts, I had laughed while looking at Kim Jin-seo.

"What are you doing? If you keep doing that, it’ll get hot."

Kim Jin-seo poked at me from beyond the blanket. Just like when she bit my wrist earlier, she was acting like a cat begging to be played with.

I realize it now, but I think I had identified Kim Jin-seo with a cat.

I didn’t save Kim Jin-seo because I wanted to save her. It was regret and atonement for the dead cat... To put it more nakedly, I saved her as a substitute for the cat.

I thought that by saving Kim Jin-seo, I could forget about the dead cat.

The complex emotions I felt looking at Kim Jin-seo were none other than guilt, and self-loathing for having saved her as a means rather than an end.

[Look at this bastard fool.]

Legba spoke from the darkness. Beyond the blanket, Kim Jin-seo was still poking at me. The intensity was gradually increasing. Legba continued speaking.

[According to your words, can evil acts done for a purpose be justified?]

"..."

[Whether it’s means or purpose, that’s not what’s important. What’s important is whether the action was ultimately good or evil. Even if it’s an action done as a means, if it’s a good deed, then it’s a good deed.]

But can a good deed done as a means truly be called a good deed? Even if the purpose of the good deed that became a means is not good? Then, if an evil act done as a means has a good purpose, would that be a good deed?

[You are not a philosopher but the leader of a religion. The standards of good and evil are not for you to decide.]

Legba’s tone was somewhat agitated. I silently listened to Legba’s words from under the blanket.

[Whether it’s done as a means or for a purpose, if it’s doctrinally a good deed, then it’s a good deed.]

Legba finished speaking with that.

Even after his voice had completely left my head, I remained staring at the darkness under the blanket for a long while. I didn’t even have the ability to judge whether his words were right or plausible sophistry.

If good and evil are determined by absolute standards regardless of means or purpose, then even if one acts good only as a means, would that become a good deed... Conversely, what about evil acts with good purposes...

My head was complicated. The more I tried to distinguish between means and purpose, evil acts and good deeds, the more their boundaries became increasingly blurred. Eventually, they all seemed to merge into one lump.

I stopped thinking and closed my eyes. Layer upon layer of darkness welcomed me.

"Hey."

Then Kim Jin-seo called me and lifted the blanket. Light suddenly seeped through my eyelids.

"Ah, you’re alive."

"...Of course."

"Then that’s good."

She spoke curtly and turned her head. Even so, she kept glancing at me. It looked like she was constantly trying to check whether I was dead or alive.

* * *

The next day and the day after that, I spent lying only in the hospital bed while hospitalized.

Meals were brought by nurses, but they were incredibly tasteless. I really felt like I was eating just to survive as I forced them into my mouth.

Except for eating or sleeping, I read books or watched TV. This was because I had lost my phone at the fire scene.

I watched the news to see how the outside world was flowing, and studied by reading books and textbooks. Since I had certainly fallen behind others by missing school, I spent most of my spare time studying.

"Cult Leader. How is your condition?"

When I was immersed in boredom while looking at the sun high in the sky, Kang Ji-ah came to visit. She was holding a piece of cake in one hand. Although I don’t usually like cake, after eating only hospital food, I missed that stimulating taste of cake.

"Not bad. Thanks to you, my body ended up like this."

I received the cake from Kang Ji-ah and placed it on the shelf while speaking playfully.

However, Kang Ji-ah couldn’t take it just as a joke, and bowed her head deeply with a dark expression.

"I’m sorry. I should have been the one to die. At that time, I was so scared..."

"Huh? No, it was a joke. I was the one who told you to leave in the first place."

"Next time, I will die in the Cult Leader’s place. Or at least die together with you."

"Such ominous words..."

She spoke seriously, but I listened with one ear and let it out the other.

I didn’t want someone else to die in my place, nor did I plan to create such a situation.

Besides the piece of cake, Kang Ji-ah had brought various things packed together - snacks like fruits and cookies.

"What happened to your arm?"

I asked Kang Ji-ah who was peeling an apple. There was some kind of wound on her arm. It looked like a scrape.

"I got hurt when I fell while running away then... Ah."

"Ah, you got hurt then. Doesn’t it hurt?"

"..."

Kang Ji-ah didn’t answer and just kept her head down while peeling the apple skin with a knife. Her hand holding the knife was trembling.

"I should have died then instead..."

"Ah, why do you keep saying such things?"

"I am a disgrace to Voodoo..."

"You keep doing this. But didn’t Uncle come?"

Tired of listening to Kang Ji-ah’s self-deprecation any longer, I quickly changed the subject. Kang Ji-ah nodded while still peeling the apple with trembling hands.

"He said he’s busy with the upcoming executive meeting and will come next time."

"Ah..."

Executive meeting. It’s held around the end of April, July, and November every year, when all the Voodoo executives from each region gather in one place to have meetings on various agendas. Come to think of it, it was about time for the meeting.

"Are you thinking of participating in this meeting?"

Kang Ji-ah was cutting the apple into rabbit shapes and arranging them prettily on a plate. While admiring her craftsmanship, I fell into brief contemplation.

"The executives didn’t like me very much."

"That’s how I remember it."

Kang Ji-ah nodded slightly.

The Voodoo executives viewed me unfavorably. The reason was that my abilities as the 3rd cult leader were too lacking compared to Father, who had been the 2nd cult leader. Not only my abilities, but they said my mindset was complacent beyond measure, and some people had strongly opposed me becoming the cult leader.

Age 15, the birthday when I became a 2nd-year middle school student. I attended an executive meeting for the first time. Then I learned that most of the executives disliked me, and after that, I never attended another executive meeting. I was afraid of the executives’ gazes that viewed me with suspicion.

"Should I go?"

I asked Kang Ji-ah. She stared at the prettily cut apple with satisfaction and opened her mouth.

"The choice is yours to make, Cult Leader, but I think it would be better if you didn’t go."

"What’s the reason?"

"I hear that voices calling for rebellion or impeachment are growing, centered around the Jeolla and Chungcheong branches. These are just messy rumors with unverified facts, but I think it would be dangerous to face them right now."

"...Hmm."

Rebellion and impeachment. Just hearing them made my knees weak with fear. Perhaps at this meeting, the rebel forces might try to kill me.

Considering my safety, it seemed safer not to attend the meeting. That was the case when thinking ’only’ about my safety.

"I guess it’s better to just go."

Still, I think it’s better to just go. She opened her eyes wide in surprise, then returned to her usual expressionless face.

"Will you be alright?"

"I think it’s better to cut off the buds of rebellion as quickly as possible. If we just leave them, their power might grow even more."

"The executives might cast sorcery on the Cult Leader. Or kill you."

"What."

I smiled at her and continued.

"The executives’ sorcery... I don’t think it’ll work anyway. If it seems dangerous, I can just disband them."

Even if the executives attempt rebellion, it doesn’t matter. I’m confident that I won’t be affected by their sorcery, and I’m confident that I can prevent them from even casting sorcery in the first place.

After the succession ritual, I was overflowing with confidence in sorcery if nothing else. My sorcery skills had actually improved that much.

"...That’s true."

Kang Ji-ah also nodded as if agreeing with my words.

After exchanging a few more conversations, Kang Ji-ah left the hospital room. The piece of cake and fruits she brought were piled up densely on both sides of the hospital bed. I didn’t want to eat the piece of cake right now, so I put it in the refrigerator for the time being.

Around 5 PM, another visitor came.

"Do Seon-woo, you, this, thiiiiis...!"

It was Jeong In-ah. As soon as she saw me, she moistened her eyes tearfully and rushed toward me with a deeply furrowed face.

She brought gifts like figs and grape juice, but coincidentally, they were things I didn’t particularly like.

"If you were hospitalized, you should have at least called, you, you idiot!"

As soon as Jeong In-ah put down the shopping bag with gifts, she immediately started yelling. She didn’t seem really angry. She was just forcibly hiding her worried feelings by acting angry.

"I lost my phone so I couldn’t call."

"You could have used a payphone... Ah, you couldn’t get up. Anyway, you should have at least borrowed from a nurse!"

"What kind of unreasonable..."

"It’s not unreasonable. And, hey, do you know how worried I was? Can’t I even be this unreasonable? Huh?"

Jeong In-ah continued grumbling like that for a while. I couldn’t tell if she came to visit or to vent her anger.

"So, is your body okay? Can you be discharged? What did the doctor say?"

The girl whose anger had finally subsided asked. She continued throwing questions at me without even giving me a chance to answer. Instead of answering, I handed her an apple. It was the apple that Kang Ji-ah had cut into rabbit shapes.

"But why aren’t you answering? I asked if your body is okay."

Jeong In-ah looked at me while crunching on the apple. Her eyes were moist but not red. Her lips were sticking out. It was her habit when she was displeased or angry.

"It’s okay now, but they said it’s better to recover for now."

I smiled somewhat reluctantly and told Jeong In-ah exactly what the doctor had told me.

"Really? You’re really okay, right? When can you be discharged?"

"Discharge is probably in three... four days? They said I can be discharged quickly because I have a strong body."

"Strong, my foot. Always getting hurt and hospitalized. Not strong at all. You glass body."

Jeong In-ah scolded me. No matter how I thought about it, my body was indeed strong, but since it was also true that I had gotten hurt and hospitalized frequently as she said, I couldn’t argue back.

"What happened with the appointment ceremony?"

I showed a bitter smile and quickly changed the subject. Jeong In-ah’s expression, who had been glaring at me with sharp eyes and grumbling for a long time, stiffened slightly. Then she moved her lips for quite a while. She seemed to hesitate to speak.

"Well, um..."

"Just tell me. It doesn’t matter what happened."

"Ah, yeah. They postponed it indefinitely. I don’t know the reason, but that’s what they said."

Indefinite postponement. I couldn’t tell what that meant. Positively, it could mean the school would wait until I was discharged. Conversely, it could mean they were preparing a re-election exam to select someone other than me.

"So the results aren’t known yet, then."

"Yeah... Are you okay? You must have prepared really hard..."

I smiled slightly to show I was okay.

Although I wanted to become the Holy Name of Charity, I hadn’t prepared that hard for the exam. Even if Gu Jun-hyeok had been selected instead of me, I would have accepted it calmly. Of course, I would have been a bit disappointed if that had happened.

"...But where’s Gu Jun-hyeok?"

Then I suddenly realized that Gu Jun-hyeok wasn’t here. I had naturally assumed that Gu Jun-hyeok and Jeong In-ah would come together, but for some reason, only Jeong In-ah had come to visit.

Jeong In-ah hung her head with a noticeably darkened face.

"He’s probably at the hospital too. Maybe."

"Hospital? Why?"

"I was going to tell you about it anyway, but, um..."

She remained silent for a long time with her mouth closed. The hospital room filled with silence. The evening twilight was subtly entering the hospital room through the window. The silence was momentary, but that moment felt like eons to me.

"His mother’s condition is, a bit..."

Jeong In-ah finally managed to speak. Her voice was slightly hoarse.