The Golden Age of Basketball-Chapter 227 - 113: Bullets and Buttocks
Gan Guoyang trusted Adelman, but it was not possible to come up with a solution right away.
Gan Guoyang knew clearly that this was not his problem, nor was it a problem with the coach’s tactics, but rather issues with growth and gelling as a team.
Kossie and Drexler still needed to accumulate more experience, and Vandeweghe, at only 25, had room to evolve further.
As for Gan Guoyang himself, still a rookie, the entire League had already targeted him, the last person to have this happen was Wilt Chamberlain, and the next would be a shark.
After the team arrived at Washington Airport, Gan Guoyang saw Charles Barkley waiting for him in the parking lot, wiggling his massive behind out of the cramped cockpit of a white Porsche 911, waving at Gan Guoyang.
Barkley had called Gan Guoyang before coming, saying he wanted to pick him up from the airport to hang out at his house, and Gan hadn’t expected him to actually show up.
Since becoming friends at the Olympic training camp, the two had forged a very good relationship. When Barkley didn’t make it to the All-Star Game, Gan Guoyang got him a ticket to come to Indiana and hang out for a couple of days.
"I need to go to the hotel with the team first... Charles, why did you buy a white two-seater Porsche 911? You should buy a truck," Gan Guoyang said upon seeing Barkley with the sleek white 911, feeling a pang of sympathy like a white Toy Poodle being ravaged by a big yellow bulldog.
"You think I didn’t buy a truck? I bought two, but I don’t have a truck driver’s license; they are back in my hometown. You go to the hotel first; I’ll drive there and wait for you," Barkley said, laboriously squeezing into the car seat.
This 911 had been modified, with its seating space expanded to accommodate the huge frames of basketball players, but Barkley still looked like he was sitting in a toy car.
When Gan Guoyang settled in the hotel and rode to Barkley’s home in his car, it became even more difficult to fit the two giants into the small white vehicle.
"Charles, I have a Porsche too, but at least mine is bigger. Why did you buy such a small car? Have you been that successful with your weight loss?"
"Because it’s beautiful! I like it, so I bought it. I have bought a total of nine cars," Barkley replied.
"What? Are you crazy? How big is your rookie contract, and you still have to pay taxes, you fool."
"Contract salary? That bit of money isn’t enough; the bank lent it to me. I will be making more money later on, so what’s there to fear?" 𝘧𝓇ℯ𝑒𝓌𝑒𝑏𝓃𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭.𝒸ℴ𝓂
Barkley and Stockton were complete opposites; Stockton was so thrifty with his salary that he wouldn’t spend a penny, even the car he drove was a second-hand one given by sponsors.
Moreover, Stockton said he forgot to get license plates and didn’t buy insurance, which made Gan later seriously doubt whether the guy was trying to save on registration and insurance costs.
Otherwise, with his meticulous nature, Stockton would not make such mistakes—driving without plates and insurance was surely a risk he took to save money.
Barkley, on the other hand, went car shopping at dealerships soon after getting his rookie contract, not even having started receiving his wages, much like Jerome Kossie.
But Kossie only took out a loan for one car, while Barkley, much bolder, used up his entire credit limit to borrow from the bank and bought nine cars in one go.
Of these, there were four Mercedes-Benz cars, two Porsches, one BMW, and two trucks. Four were kept in Washington because the garage of the house he rented could only accommodate four cars.
The rest of the cars, including the two trucks, were sent back to Alabama Liz, his hometown. As for their use? None, just to have them sit there, as his family didn’t drive them.
Barkley’s residence was located in Likabor, a high-end single-family community near the Capital Centre sports complex in Washington, about a half-hour’s drive from downtown Washington.
In the garage, Gan Guoyang saw the other three cars purchased by Barkley: a Mercedes, a BMW, and another white Porsche 911—astonishingly identical to the one he had arrived in!
"Charles, why did you buy two of the same car?"
"I like them! It’s like women’s breasts; there are two, one on the left and one on the right. Wouldn’t it be strange to have just one?"
Gan Guoyang couldn’t argue with Barkley’s bizarre theory and reminded him, "You really don’t need to buy so many cars. How much did all these cost you?"
Barkley said, "Hmm... including interest, about five million US dollars. But don’t worry, my salary can cover it."
Gan Guoyang, touching these brand-new cars that had hardly been driven, said, "Even if your butt is huge, one car is enough for you. However, these cars might be worth more in the future, so take good care of them. They could bring you a higher value. But as a friend, I must advise you to ensure your financial health, which is just as important as your physical health. You could do well to strike a balance with someone like Stockton..."
"Hell no, I don’t want to balance things out with that hick. Don’t worry, Sonny, I’m confident about my future! I will make it to All-Star!"
Stockton always worried he’d get cut and be out of a job, while Barkley was brimming with confidence, certain he’d become an All-Star.
Barkley’s rented house looked very pretty from the outside, and despite being a bit messy, it was generally clean, with housekeeping services coming daily to clean up.
In the living room, Charles Barkley had placed a huge TV and an immense lazy boy sofa; it was clear that Barkley would lie here and watch TV during his free time.
Next to the lazy boy sofa, a super-sized bag of chips had been dropped, undoubtedly Barkley’s snack while watching TV; his big mouth could never stop moving.
In the evening, Barkley invited Gan Guoyang and his good friend Rick Mahorn to listen to a stand-up comedy show.
If Barkley’s butt could be called the biggest in the League, then Mahorn’s would surely rank second, with the Bullets possessing the League’s top two in terms of sizable rears, their potential in the paint was absolutely massive.
Having entered the League in ’81, Mahorn was already a semi-veteran player, known on the court for his fierce and overpowering style of play, earning him the nickname "Beef Brothers."
During his rookie season in 1982, Mahorn was fined $1,500 for fouls, elbows, fights, and other reasons.
He was particularly good at attacking those smaller guards during help defense and switches; a whole list of names including Morris Cheeks, Andrew Toney, Isiah Thomas, Clint Richardson, Ed Sheldrake, and others had been targeted by Mahorn, who with his gap-toothed grin and the cold look in his eyes, made many small players think twice before charging at the Bullets’ interior.
However, off the court, Mahorn was considered a rather amiable person (at least that’s what Gan Guoyang thought), like Barkley, he was a mama’s boy and would listen to anything his mother said; the two had a good relationship and were birds of a feather.
When Gan Guoyang saw Mahorn, he asked if he wanted to wrestle, just like he had done with Barkley before.
Mahorn quickly waved his hands: "No, no, no, I don’t like fighting; it’s too dangerous."
Indeed, a peaceful man.
The stand-up comedy show that night wasn’t very good, held in an ordinary little bar, the stand-up comic was a black guy named Steve Harvey, with very few spectators.
Midway through, boos could be heard from below, as some audience members recognized Gan Guoyang and Barkley’s party, distracting everyone’s attention.
Left stranded on stage during this awkward moment, the trio stood up and left, allowing Harvey to finish his performance.
Afterward, they went backstage and bought all the unsold tickets, having the owner give Harvey a cut of the profits.
On this issue, the three of them had no disagreement; they all came from poor backgrounds, with Barkley hailing from the impoverished state of Alabama, Mahorn was born when his mother was 16, he also had a brother and a younger sibling, and often went hungry as a child.
Gan Guoyang’s childhood in both his past and present life hadn’t been easy, so they had a special sympathy for those in dire straits.
This young black stand-up comedian named Steve Harvey later achieved fame and success, and he regarded this night in 1985 as a turning point in his life.
Since Gan Guoyang didn’t go to nightclubs to pick up girls, Barkley had no choice but to take him home, as he was hungry and wanted something to eat.
The fridge was stocked with frozen patties, doughnuts, bread, lettuce, marinated fried chicken; Barkley mentioned he would usually hire a personal chef to cook for him.
But it was too late, Barkley said, "Ah Gan, I heard you’re a great cook; make me something to eat."
Gan Guoyang thought to himself, who the hell spread the rumor that I can cook well? It must be Hakeem holding a grudge.
"I’m good at Chinese food; this stuff is all for making burgers, fried chicken, and fries, how would I know how to make that?"
"You can make complex Chinese dishes, you can’t handle fast food? What kind of chef are you, just bluffing?"
Provocation didn’t work on Gan Guoyang, but he couldn’t withstand Barkley’s nagging; the unfed Barkley was like a whining child.
In the end, Gan Guoyang had no choice but to enter the kitchen, open the fridge, and make hamburgers for Barkley, all while silently cursing Hakeem, sure that now the whole NBA knew he could cook.
Yet, when it came to making Western hamburgers, Gan Guoyang really wasn’t too sure; he’d always just buy them at fast-food restaurants, unlike Barkley who stockpiled so many patties and bread to make them at home.
"Forget it, forget it, a hamburger is just about cooking these ingredients and stuffing them together, even kids can do it... hey, is this patty expired? It looks kind of unfresh..."
"Charles! When did you buy these patties, are they safe to eat?"
"They’re newly bought, no problem! Hurry up and cook, I’m starving here!"
Gan Linliang, to think I came to Washington to cook; I should’ve just gone back to the hotel to sleep. Next time we play the Rockets, I’m definitely taking Hakeem down hard."
