The Archduke's Songbird-Chapter 143: Hidden Pain

"Are you in love with me?"

The moment those words left her mouth, Jessamyn regretted it. She didn’t want him to answer the question again. He had already told her once, and she knew his answer wouldn’t change just because she brought up that night again.

It was not like she could return "love" even if he changed his answer now.

Jessamyn looked at him, her eyes reflecting the moonlight. Jerrick met her gaze, his expression unchanged, his unwillingness to answer her was apparent.

That stubbornness was new to watch. He used to relent at times, but these days, she found herself dancing to his tunes more often than not, more like she was forced to, and at times it was on her own volition too.

She didn’t want to feel bad about it anymore, as he appeared to have changed. Perhaps, his lack of love for her was the reason. So, digging up the past was unnecessary.

Having attained that clarity, she was embarrassed to stay there anymore.

Jessamyn tightened her grip on the reins, urging her horse to move faster. She leaned forward slightly, her body pressing against the horse’s neck. With a gentle squeeze of her legs and a firm command, she encouraged the horse to quicken its pace. The animal responded immediately, its powerful legs stretching out as it broke into a swift canter.

The rhythmic thud of hooves on the forest floor filled the air, and the cool night breeze whipped through Jessamyn’s hair. She hoped the increased speed would give her a moment to collect her thoughts, to push away the awkwardness of her question.

Jerrick kept pace beside her, his horse matching the speed effortlessly. He didn’t answer her question, and she was grateful for the silence. The moonlight bathed the path ahead, casting long shadows that danced with the movement of their horse.

They left the forest and entered the almost empty streets of the city. The silence between them stretched, but it was no longer uncomfortable.

They reached Jerrick’s mansion. It was dark, yet cozy, and Jessamyn found herself more comfortable here than at the Theodulf mansion. Perhaps it was because this place didn’t have reminders of Imogen. And the bathtub; she loved it. More than that, she cherished the little moments they had shared in this mansion—cooking for each other and enjoying a few good laughs.

Jessamyn was about to dismount her horse when she felt a warm hand on her waist. She almost jumped but allowed Jerrick to help her down. Even after she got off the horse, he kept his hand on her waist, his eyes boring on her.

Gathering her breath that was caught in her throat, she looked up at him.

He was gazing down at her, the moonlight casting a halo around his head, making his expression hard to read. He pulled her closer, his hands still firmly on her waist.

The warmth of his chest spread on her shoulders the moment they made contact and his warm breath ignited her earlobes.

"You said his name," Jerrick said quietly, his voice a mix of hurt and accusation.

Jessamyn’s heart skipped a beat. She had mentioned her late husband’s name that night, and it seemed to have struck a nerve. He took a step back, his hands reluctant to let her go. She looked into his eyes, trying to read his thoughts.

"I... I didn’t..." she stammered, feeling a rush of guilt. "It must have slipped out..."

She wasn’t even sure why she felt guilty facing him. She had been out of her mind and thought she was dreaming of her husband. But when she considered it from his perspective, she understood why he was hurt.

No one would like to hear someone else’s name during an intimate moment, especially when the said intimacy was initiated by the other person. He must have felt terrible. She wondered if his previous harsh behavior toward her stemmed from embarrassment and anger.

She didn’t want to feel too bad for him, though. He didn’t love her. If he had, it would have been much worse.

"It was a moment of confusion..." she tried to explain.

"A moment of confusion..." Jerrick let out a deep breath, disappointment clear in his tone. "And then you tried to kill yourself."

Jessamyn turned her face away, unable to meet his gaze. She hadn’t realized he had been awake, noticing everything. She didn’t remember him stopping her.

"Let’s go in. It’s getting chilly," Jerrick said.

Jessamyn nodded enthusiastically, thinking the conversation was over. They entered the house, and the warmth from the fireplace welcomed them. She decided to head to her room and started toward the stairs, feeling exhausted and wanting to rest. But his voice, filled with pain, stopped her as she stepped on the first stair. Along with his voice, the pain she felt around him returned. 𝘧𝑟𝑒𝑒𝘸𝘦𝘣𝑛𝑜𝘷𝑒𝓁.𝘤𝘰𝓂

"I was standing right behind you as you sobbed on the floor... It was... excruciatingly painful... Feeling helpless... wondering if I trampled on you and if you’d accept my comfort..."

"Then you took me to bed again, trying to force..." Jessamyn’s voice broke as she cleared her throat and clasped her chest, the pain becoming unbearable.

"I wanted to hear you say my name..." Jerrick whispered, his eyes burning with a possessive rage. His clenched jaw and tightened fists made her wonder if he was in pain too.

Jessamyn raised her brows, her lips parting as she tried to respond, but words escaped her. Was this all about his male pride?

"It wasn’t your fault," she said, clutching her chest. "I never blamed you, not even in my heart. I was... something happened to me... I was poisoned, by some... aphrodisiac, I think. It was... Anyway, you were there at that time and..."

She let out a deep breath, her eyes filled with a silent plea for understanding. She didn’t want him to bear the burden of feeling responsible for her desperate actions. She wouldn’t wish that pain on him.

"Datura," Jerrick said softly. "Those white flowers with the pods around them. It’s also called the moonflower... very poisonous... definitely not an aphrodisiac."

Jessamyn looked at him, her eyes wide with realization. "Datura? That was what caused it?"

Jerrick let out a deep breath of exasperation because of her comprehension skills. "The amount of datura you were exposed to would have killed a woman of your stature..."

Jessamyn was shocked to hear that. "It is not an aphrodisiac but a poison?"