Tatakau Shisho-Volume 8, Chapter 5: Despair Under the Sun – Part 1

Mattalast was collapsed at the Fifth Sealed Labyrinth. The Power of Tearless Ending made his mind sleep inside the darkness. However, some faint consciousness remained there.

Even now he still had a single hope left. Even if he had collapsed, there was still Hamyuts. Even if it was her, she couldn’t fight Ruruta. However, she knew about the Violet Wish. She was the only person in the world to succeed it.

The only one to possess the possibility of defeating Ruruta and saving the world was Hamyuts.

Mattalast wished that the world would be saved by her.

But that hope would probably not be fulfilled. He knew that as well.

And yet he wished. Please. Fight, Hamyuts.

You’re the only one who can protect the world after all.

The Beasts of the Final Chapter filled the vast premises of the Library. They raised their heads to the skies and sang in a chorus. Making his way through their gaps, Enlike Bishile came running.

“Shit, where are you, Hamyuts!”

Enlike shouted. Until a while ago he defeated the Beasts of the Final Chapter by his own hands, but he realized it was useless and stopped. If he were to fight alone it would be endless. Since they were just singing, it seemed they were not going to harm him.

“…!”

The inside of his head blacked out for a moment. He shook his head as if to chase out the song. Enlike was still enduring the Power of Tearless Ending.

However, he also knew that he didn’t have much time left. One hour would be impossible. He wasn’t even sure about half an hour. If he were to lose focus, his heart might get stolen by sweet resignation in the next instant. ƒr𝙚𝙚𝘸e𝚋𝐧૦ѵ𝒆𝒍.𝒄𝒐m

“Don’t lose focus, hold your mind.”

Enlike told himself.

Right now, two things were supporting his heart.

First, the fact that the world would end if he were to collapse now – the sense of duty that only he alone could save the world. The second was the hope that he still had a way to fight.

The only road for victory entrusted to him by Olivia – the Violet Wish. The sole method to defeat Ruruta Coozancoona saved him from the depths of despair.

Because he knew this, Enlike was able to resist Ruruta’s Power of Tearless Ending and the song of the Beasts of the Final Chapter.

“Ruruta, what’s the cause of your despair?”

Enlike knew everything that the Acting Directors of history knew. However, he couldn’t analyze Ruruta’s innermost depths. He also couldn’t tell what made him despair.

As long as he didn’t know that, he didn’t have any way to fight.

There was only one person who possibly knew of Ruruta’s reason for despair. It was Hamyuts Meseta.

“Hamyuts! Hamyuts! Where are you?!”

He ran to the entrance of the Labyrinth and called inside it. Since Enlike had no information-gathering abilities, he could only find her by running around.

Ruruta Coozancoona was slowly walking through the Labyrinth. Among his multitudes of abilities there were powers of transportation. Using them he would be able to instantly reach the surface. However, Ruruta purposely elected to walk on his own two legs.

He had no reason to hurry. The Beasts of the Final Chapter played their song and the people of the world all lost their wills to live.

But there were probably still some people who resisted the Power of Tearless Ending in the vast world. Ruruta thought that he would wait until they accepted the end.

Releasing the Beasts and killing all people only later would be fine.

“…”

But he also had some worries. It was about the current Acting Director, Hamyuts Meseta.

Although he had sensory organs that far surpassed ordinary human beings, Ruruta couldn’t see through people’s hearts. Even he couldn’t tell what Hamyuts was thinking about.

The premises of Bantorra Library were filled by the Beasts of the Final Chapter. Hamyuts was looking down at the surface from the top floor of the Library, the Acting Director’s Office.

“It’s taking unexpectedly long. Who would’ve thought it would take more than half a day? Really, that Ruruta…”

She could probably not say that the Armed Librarians held out. Neither Mattalast nor Yukizona were able to even hold him off. The other ones were also defeated easily.

It was simply that Ruruta didn’t hurry. After having lived for 2000 years he could spare a few hours.

Thinking of this, Hamyuts drank her coffee all alone. Even though it was Ruruta he was naturally confused. She was drinking her coffee when faced with the destruction of the world.

“…Delicious.”

It was the last coffee or her life, as well as of the world. I’m glad I’ve made it well, thought Hamyuts.

She confirmed with her Sensory Threads that Ruruta was walking through the Fifth Sealed Labyrinth. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry. She probably had about two or three more hours.

“Thinking about it, Ruruta’s never drank any coffee even though he’s lived for 2000 years…”

People started drinking coffee around 200 years ago. Ruruta never left the Labyrinth for the last 2000 years.

He has received the Books of people who drank coffee, so was it the same as him drinking it? She was somewhat curious about that.

“I wonder if there’s coffee in the ‘new world’. If not, I think it’s quite the big loss.”

Hamyuts kept rambling to herself. She didn’t think she’d have this sort of leisure before the end of the world.

She wasn’t affected at all by the song of the singing Beasts of the Final Chapter. She didn’t even try to withstand it, but simply kept calm.

This was because she had wished for death in the first place. She had neither the will to oppose Ruruta nor the will to preserve her life. The attachment to life couldn’t be taken from those who desired death.

“I feel bad for Matt, but I really have no will to fight. Frankly speaking it’s meaningless, so I don’t feel like it.”

Hamyuts, the only person to know the Violet Wish. Hamyuts, the only remaining possibility to save the world. Mattalast bet on that hope in the end. However, that last hope was useless in the first place.

She had already accepted her death.

Desire for her own death.

This wish had always been inside Hamyuts’s heart. Both during the fight with the Indulging God Cult as well as during Olivia’s rebellion afterward.

However, that didn’t mean that she has always acted accordingly. Rather, looking at her from the side, one would probably think that she was shirking away from death and it couldn’t look like anything else.

If she only wished for death, it would all be over in an instant with poison.

If she wished to be killed in battle, she shouldn’t have had subordinates. The world’s strongest warriors were fighting in order to protect Hamyuts as a result.

Even more, if she wished for defeat, she should’ve been weaker. If she was about as strong as Mirepoc, Hamyuts’s wish would have probably been granted without any issues.

She desired defeat yet was the strongest.

Hamyuts’s life was full of inconsistencies. She herself understood this well.

“In the end I will be killed by Ruruta.”

Hamyuts muttered.

If she was to be killed, it should have been a different opponent. There was the unforgettable Colio. There were those who had cornered Hamyuts like Cigal, Mokkania or Kachua. There were also those who wrung out their courage to rebel against her like Volken and Olivia.

These beautiful, sparkling memories were revived. If she had been killed by them, just how happy would she have been? In exchange, now that she was going to be killed by Ruruta, it would be so dull.

She would simply be killed without a fight expending his desperate efforts, without any life-risking plan, without any sharpened murderous intent, but simply killed as if stepped on. How boring.

“Why couldn’t anyone kill me, I wonder. Even though I always asked everyone to kill me and kill me…”

Was I doing this half-hearted? I should’ve been more evil. I should’ve thrown away my work as an Armed Librarian, throw away all comrades and subordinates, anyone and everyone, and just fight with everything I laid my eyes on.

I should’ve been a monster that does nothing but fight and become the enemy of the entire world.

However, she had chosen a different path. She lived as an Armed Librarian. Although she did evil, she also lived as a protector of the world.

Was that decision mistaken or not? Even Hamyuts couldn’t tell.

“…No one could have killed me, huh.”

She complained in a lonely voice.

Oh well, she reconsidered.

Even if I start having regrets for being half-hearted now it makes no difference. I will be killed just as I wished to. That’s fine.

Hamyuts placed her half-empty cup on top of her desk and looked up at the ceiling. She then spoke as if talking to someone.

“…Right, Chacoly?”

The person she called was not there. Neither was she anywhere in the world. Without even a Book behind she lived only inside Hamyuts’s memories.

“Your wish didn’t come true after all. Did you lose because of my victory? Or perhaps we’ve both lost?”

Although there shouldn’t be any voice to answer her, Hamyuts kept asking.

“What is it, Chacoly Cocot? My lifetime friend.

If you were alive right now I wonder what would’ve become of you. I can’t imagine you as thirty years old, but then again I also can’t imagine myself as being thirty years old.”

She closed her eyes while feeling nostalgic. Her memories from when she was a young girl were clear as if it were they happened yesterday.

In the southern part of the Ismo Republic was a desert belt.

This was currently the only place in the world people didn’t live in. Visiting it were only a few researchers, criminals who escaped after committing serious crimes, or perhaps recluses who abandoned the world.

Which of them was he? Wondered the fourteen years old Hamyuts while looking at grave. Both his corpse and his Book were buried inside.

By his actions he would be a researcher. If he were found out, since he had committed questionable acts around the world, he would also be branded a criminal. His way of life was throwing away everything like a recluse.

No name had been engraved on the grave. They couldn’t do that. In the unlikely event that someone visited it and read the name it would become a serious affair.

The name of the deceased was Makia Dexiart. It was the name of the Acting Director three generations ago.

Three people were in front of the grave. Two of them were adolescent girls, and the final one was a bald, old man.

The old man then spoke.

“Let us say that Makia-sama’s Book has been offered up to Heaven. After all, the current Director Photona is not a man good with bargaining or lies. He was probably deceived.”

“Yeah. Whatever, Lascall.”

Hamyuts said. If she was a normal person, she would’ve probably been sad. But she was Hamyuts Meseta. She didn’t harbor such feelings.

“Are you sad, Hammy?”

The girl standing behind her said.

“I’m not sad at all, Chacoly.”

Hamyuts said, and the girl behind her – Chacoly – spoke.

“But daddy’s dead, Hammy.”

“I know that. Hammy’s not sad. It’s because dad made me this way.”

She kept speaking without turning around. Chacoly persisted.

“You’re lying, Hammy, you’re sad.”

“You’re the one lying, Chacoly. I’m not sad at all.”

Hamyuts said to her.

“No, Hammy’s lying. Chacoly can understand. Because that’s her ability.”

Saying so, Chacoly pointed at her own hair.

Looking at her face, Hamyuts thought she was beautiful. Every time, no matter how many times one would look. The only ones whose faces she saw every day were Chacoly and her father Makia. And yet, no matter how many times she saw it, she wouldn’t get tired of her face.

She was a tiny girl two years her senior. She was small and had short legs, and of top of that her back was slightly hunched.

She couldn’t be called pretty even as a compliment. She had drooping eyes and a mouth that was too big. Her nose was large with round contours.

Her skin, exposed to the sandy wind and sun, was dull brown. Her face was full of freckles. The clothes she wore nowadays were so tattered that even vagrants didn’t wear them, and on top of that she wore a thick linen cloth on her shoulders.

So why was she still beautiful? The answer was simple.

It was due to the color of her hair that didn’t fade no matter how much the scorching sun shone or it or even if sand clung to it. It was the proof she was born with a Magic Right, a color different from ordinary people.

It was a bluish deep purple. Also, only her forelocks were as white as snow. That idiosyncratic hair was braided. Her yellow ribbon looked like a bee resting on a petal. Her father called it violet hair.

She had never seen the flower called a violet, but using her hair as an example she thought that it was probably beautiful.

“Have you forgotten Chacoly’s ability?”

Chacoly grinned, exposing her teeth. Recalling that hiding things from her was impossible, Hamyuts sighed.

“I’ve forgotten. I acknowledge it. I’m just a little bit sad.”

“Yeah.”

Chacoly’s smile soon vanished. The grief at having lost her father spread on her face again.

Lascall spoke to both of them.

“Well then, I shall now leave you two. I pray that your future will come to an interesting conclusion.”

Lascall’s body sank inside the sand. Chacoly waved her hand to see him off. Hamyuts made no farewell greetings.

“We’re out of things to do. What shall we do from now on, Hammy?”

“Just like we were told. We’ll leave this place and go somewhere. To wherever we please.”

Hamyuts pointed at the camels tied near their house. Their entire luggage had been loaded unto two camels. They were water and food to cross the desert as well as clothes and daily necessities for when they reach a town. On Hamyuts’s camel there were also the string of a sling and many stones.

“Where will we go?”

“For now, to the town. There’s no other place to go to.”

“Yeah, Chacoly thinks the same.”

They got on the camels. Then, they slowly went through the desert.

The camels were walking in the desert. The pair barely spoke these last several days.

“Say, Hammy. Will you please always stay with Chacoly?”

Chacoly said.

“Don’t wanna.”

Hamyuts answered curtly. They sank into silence again. Chacoly tried speaking to her and Hamyuts rejected her. This was repeated.

After a long time, Chacoly spoke again.

“Have you decided what to do afterwards, Hammy?”

“I have. I’ll get killed by someone somewhere.”

Chacoly made a sad face.

“It’ll be sad if you die, Hammy.”

“But there’s no choice. I was born like that.”

“I don’t want that to happen. Go with me.”

“Not a chance. No fight can happen near you. So I won’t be killed. Besides, when you’re there I become unlike myself.”

“Can’t do anything about it. It’s because Chacoly has this ability. But she wants to be with Hammy.”

“I’ll say this as many times as needed, but no.”

“…Really.”

Some anger seeped into Chacoly’s voice. Her violet hair swayed.

“…!”

Hamyuts grimaced. In an instant she pulled out a stone from her waist and flicked it with her thumb. The pebble grazed Chacoly’s face. Blood flowed from her cheek.

“Chacoly! You’ve promised not to use your ability on me!”

Unusually, Hamyuts shouted. Both now and later, it was rare for her to get angry and lose control.

“Sorry, it wasn’t on purpose. I activated it unconsciously.”

“…Don’t do that again.”

“It’s a promise.”

They went silent again.

Along the way there was only one time when Hamyuts spoke up to Chacoly.

“Chacoly. From now on, no matter who we meet, you can’t reveal my identity.”

“…I know that.”

“If I’m revealed, no matter by what means, I will kill you.”

“I know that.”

“If my identity were to be revealed, my wish will never be granted. They will confine me and I’ll spend the rest of my life in prison.

They’ll pour all of their energy so that neither the Armed Librarians nor the Indulging God Cult can kill me.”

Hamyuts got goosebumps while talking. Just imprisoning her wouldn’t solve anything. They might take her memories away and make her live like a living corpse. She would spend the rest of her life tied to a bed.

“…That won’t happen. Chacoly will defeat Ruruta after all. If she does that, Hammy will be free. You’ll be allowed to live.”

Chacoly said, smiling.

“…It has nothing to do with Ruruta. Wanting to be killed is my own will.”

“You want to be killed no matter what?”

“Obviously. I was born like that.”

There always was some sorrow inherent to their conversations. While their relationship was the closest and they both shouldered the same fate, they were different like day and night.

Chacoly was born to be loved, and lived to be loved.

Hamyuts was born to be killed, and lived to be killed.

The roads they walked in were cruelly different.

Before long they approached town. They time for their final farewell also approached.

Hamyuts was thinking that from this point on she would never meet Chacoly again. She would later end up meeting her once more, but she had no way of knowing that at the time.

“Since it’s our last time, let Chacoly try to predict what happens to you from now on, Hammy.”

“Do you have calico hair?”

“No, but Chacoly can tell even without any Predictive ability.”

“What’ll happen with me?”

“You will go to town, find a normal job, fall in love with a normal man, create a normal family, with kids as well, and then, either by some disease or your life span, you will have a normal death.”

“Impossible.”

Hamyuts shook her head.

“It is possible.

Hammy will not be killed by anyone. You will always, always, want someone to come and kill you, but no one will. That’s how things will be.”

“Because I’m strong?”

“You’re definitely the world’s strongest, Hammy. But that’s not all.”

After a short while of silence, Hamyuts replied.

“Not gonna happen. I will definitely be killed by someone. Even if no one kills me, there’s still Ruruta. If he makes a move, he will definitely come and kill me.”

“That won’t happen, either.”

“Why?”

“Because Chacoly’s here. Chacoly will win and save Hammy.”

“…”

She didn’t tell her she couldn’t. Since it was Chacoly she might win against Ruruta. Hamyuts could understand that.

Before long they could see a town. Chacoly opened her own luggage on her camel. She brought something from inside of it.

“Hammy.”

Chacoly threw an object. It was a stuffed doll. It was an animal Hamyuts had never seen before.

“What’s that?”

“A present. Take it. Daddy gave it to Chacoly, but you don’t have one right Hammy?”

Hamyuts stared closely at the doll. It was a strange animal with long ears. It didn’t look like anything that existed in this world.

“It’s called a rabbit. Daddy said it’s the cutest animal in the world.”

“What’s with the long ears, it’s disgusting.”

“Chacoly also thought so at first, but now Chacoly likes it. You’ll definitely come to like it as well, Hammy.”

“…Even if you ended up liking it, I hate it.”

Hamyuts thought about throwing it away. But it was fine doing so after separating from Chacoly. Thinking so, she put it inside her bag. She couldn’t even imagine that she would end up keeping that doll even when she was thirty years old.

Neither the fact that just like Chacoly said she would end up loving rabbits.

Hamyuts put the doll inside her luggage. She then silently pulled the camel’s reins. It bent to the left. She bid farewell to Chacoly at her back. Without pursuing her, Chacoly kept advancing straight ahead.

“Hammy! Take care!” 𝘧𝚛𝗲𝘦𝚠𝙚𝙗𝙣o𝙫𝗲𝚕.𝐜o𝓂

“Don’t wanna!”

Hamyuts found out with her Sensory Threads that she was waving her hand. She advanced without looking back.

“I love you! And I always will!”

She didn’t know how to reply. Should she reply ‘me too’? Should she reply ‘only you’? Since both were true and both were a lie Hamyuts hesitated.

So she answered the following.

“You may read my mind only this once!”

“Okay!”

Hamyuts felt the violet power reaching into her mind. What did Chacoly read from her current mind?

“Chacoly got it, Hammy! We’ll always be friends!”

She laughed inside her mind. So these were my feelings? Hamyuts hanged her head so that she wouldn’t be seen smiling. Her camel kept walking and before long she couldn’t see Chacoly’s figure even if she turned back.