Taming the Beast World with a Frying Pan-Chapter 255: Gospel of the Prehistoric Panda Cult

Ren’s knees completely buckled beneath her. She had to slap her wet hand over her mouth to keep from screaming out loud, her heart dropping straight into her stomach as she stared over Kaelen’s broad shoulder.

It wasn’t a landscape.

It wasn’t a majestic portrait of a roaring tiger.

It was a vagina.

Her vagina.

Using only crushed berries, fat, and charcoal Kaelen had somehow managed to create a terrifyingly hyper-realistic, anatomical masterpiece right on the pale white birch bark.

He had perfectly captured the delicate, intricate folds, the soft pink hues, and the glistening, slick dampness with the skill of a seasoned Renaissance master. It looked like it belonged in a high-end medical textbook, or perhaps a highly exclusive wing of the Louvre.

Right at that very moment, Kaelen was delicately using the sharp tip of the bird feather, dipped in a mixture of dark charcoal and crimson berry juice, to meticulously add the finishing touches to the fiery red pubic hair framing the glorious centerpiece.

"It is your vagina," Kaelen casually responded, not even pausing his delicate brushstrokes.

Ren was absolutely mortified, but a traitorous, highly objective part of her brain couldn’t help but admit it: Kaelen was really, really good at painting. Even using these crude, primitive tools, the shading and the lighting were absolutely perfect.

Georgia O’Keeffe had absolutely nothing on this white tiger.

"Why in the world are you so obsessed with my vagina?!" Ren whisper-yelled, her face burning so hot she felt like a furnace. Before he could even open his mouth, she frantically waved her hands. "Never mind! Don’t answer that! I don’t want to know!"

Kaelen calmly dipped his feather into the berry juice, completely ignoring her request to drop the subject. He explained anyway.

"I have traveled to many territories," Kaelen began, his deep baritone voice calm and reflective, as if he were recounting a spiritual pilgrimage. "Far in the eastern bamboo forests, I met a dying clan of panda beastmen. There was only a single female left in their entire clan."

Ren blinked, temporarily distracted from her outrage.

"They worshipped her," Kaelen continued, his golden eyes filled with profound reverence as he looked at his painting. "More specifically, they worshipped her vagina. They built a shrine for it. They taught me that a female’s vagina is the absolute greatest thing in the entire world."

Ren’s jaw slowly dropped open.

"Not only does it give a beastman the best comfort and pleasure after a hard, grueling day of hunting," Kaelen explained smoothly, "but it is the sacred gateway that brings forth new life. It is the center of the universe. I have grown a deep, unwavering devotion for the vagina ever since."

Ren just stared at him with a completely blank expression. Her brain was furiously trying to process the sheer absurdity of his explanation. Was she deeply, horribly disturbed by this prehistoric panda cult? Or did she actually feel incredibly empowered by the feminist undertones?

Honestly, it was a very confusing mixture of both.

Kaelen finally lowered his bird feather. He turned his head, his striking, serious golden eyes locking onto her flushed face.

"I want your vagina, Ren," Kaelen told her with absolute, bone-chilling sincerity. "I want you to give birth to my cubs. I promise you, I will not lose to my brother in the competition."

Ren’s face went from cherry red to a brilliant, glowing tomato. She thought this guy was definitely, undeniably insane. The feral madness wasn’t his only mental problem.

"You can’t do that!" Ren tried to argue, desperately grasping at straws. "Kael is my mate! You are his brother! We are basically siblings! We absolutely cannot have that sort of relationship!"

Kaelen furrowed his thick white brows in genuine, profound confusion.

"How can we be siblings?" Kaelen asked, tilting his head. "You are not a tiger. You do not even have fur. We were not birthed from the same mother. There is no blood shared between us."

Ren grabbed chunks of her own red hair, screaming internally at the top of her lungs. ’Are in-laws not a freaking thing in this world?!’

Kaelen gracefully got up from the grass, carefully holding the finished birch-bark masterpiece by the edges so the wet berry juice wouldn’t smudge. He towered over her, his imposing figure casting a long shadow.

"Wait for me," Kaelen told her, his voice a low promise. "Even if I lose the contest, I will never give up on your vagina."

With that incredibly unhinged vow, Kaelen turned and walked away into the dense forest, taking his sacred painting with him.

Ren slumped forward, letting out a massive, exhausted sigh of pure despair. All these beastmen were so unbelievably, terrifyingly strange. She felt like she was losing her grip on reality.

Ding!

[System: Congratulations, Host! Kaelen has been registered as an official Harem Candidate! Based on his unique religious affiliations, the System has awarded him the title: The Pussy Worshipper.]

"Nooo," Ren whined out loud, burying her face in her hands, practically begging the System to stop. "Please, God, no."

THWACK.

A hard, heavy walnut suddenly flew out of the bushes and hit her squarely on the top of her head.

"Ow!" Ren yelped, rubbing her scalp. She quickly looked around the secluded waterhole, but she saw absolutely no one.

Before she could even stand up to investigate...

THWACK.

Another walnut bounced directly off her forehead.

"Hey!" Ren growled, her annoyance instantly flaring up. She narrowed her green eyes, scanning the dense foliage across the pond.

There, poking out from behind a thick, leafy green bush, she saw them. A pair of large, incredibly fluffy orange fox ears twitching with barely contained amusement.

Ren groaned loudly, letting her head fall back in defeat. She suddenly remembered her annoying encounter this morning, and Vex explicitly telling her with that sinister smirk that he was going to come see her later.

"Why?" Ren sighed deeply into the quiet forest. "Why can’t I ever get a break?"