Substitute Wife for the Mafia King R18-Chapter 363: Acknowledging My Feelings
My body reacted purely on instinct as I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer to me so that I could kiss him back even more boldly than before. The moment of realization felt so certain that it shocked me and scared me at the same time. I asked myself what would happen if I was wrong about all this, but the answer that I received was that there was nothing to fear because I truly didn’t believe that I could ever get it wrong this time around. The sweet and endearing kiss that we shared felt like that first kiss that we shared, and it felt like I was finally getting what I had always hoped for. I knew without a doubt in that moment that I wanted him so desperately that I probably couldn’t go on living if I couldn’t have him.
Bradon pressed his lips roughly against mine as our kiss quickly deepened. I parted my lips invitingly, and he slipped his hot, wet tongue into the depths of my mouth without hesitation, as if he had been eagerly waiting for my approval. His heat filled my mouth, and I found myself moaning sweetly from the exquisite pleasure. My need for him burned like a flame, consuming every fiber of my body as our tongues danced in a passionate tangle. I kissed him back as aggressively as he was savoring my taste, and my hands inched up so that I could run my fingers through his wet hair.
I desired him so badly that I could no longer take it, but at the same time, I knew that there were things that we needed to talk about. Even though I felt so sure about the ridiculous idea that had formed in the back of my mind, I knew that I would never rest in peace until I heard it directly from his lips. With painstaking effort, I turned away to break our kiss. Bradon looked quite confused at my sudden change in reaction, and I hated myself for having to put a stop to what we had just started. 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝘦𝘸𝑒𝒷𝓃ℴ𝑣𝘦𝑙.𝒸ℴ𝘮
"Why didn’t you tell me?" I asked as I heard my voice crack with emotion.
Instead of looking confused, I could tell that Bradon immediately knew what I was referring to. I pleaded with him silently with my eyes as I stared deeply into his. Slowly, I reached out a hand to cup the side of his face so that he wouldn’t look away from me. At that moment, I felt like I could bring myself to believe whatever he told me, even if there was no proof. I had already decided that I wanted to believe in him and place my faith in him.
"Would you have believed me if I told you?" he asked in return, instead of answering my question directly.
The troubled and sorrowful look in his eyes made me feel so hurt because I realized that he was hurting, and I was the one responsible. I couldn’t bring myself to respond to him in any reassuring way because I realized that I wouldn’t have believed a single word he said prior to this. Even if he had told me the truth and begged on his knees for me to believe him or take him seriously, I knew that I wouldn’t have believed him in the least. Our relationship started out in a very complicated and twisted way. I would be lying if I said that I trusted him enough to believe in something that would sound so impossible and crazy.
The sudden realization of the feelings that I harbored for Bradon hit me like a big yellow school bus. I should have seen it coming, and perhaps deep down I had already realized how I felt for him, but my fears and whatever complicated feelings I had made me try my best to avoid and ignore acknowledging it. However, the way that he looked so openly hurt brought a stabbing pain to my chest that I could no longer ignore. I knew without a doubt in that moment that I was truly in love with him to the point where I could no longer control my own feelings.
I probably cared about him so much that seeing him hurt became absolutely unbearable for me. Teardrops streamed down from my eyes and trickled down my cheeks as I kept on staring at him while I was lost in my own thoughts. This was probably what my dear sister wanted me so badly to realize. A very bittersweet feeling came over me when I finally admitted defeat because I realized that struggling against my own feelings and trying to control my heart was like fighting a losing battle in a war that I could never win.
Perhaps Diana understood how I felt towards Bradon much better than I was willing to admit to myself. Perhaps to her, my feelings for him were laid bare for her to see, and she must have felt quite frustrated that I wasn’t doing anything about those feelings even though Bradon was always by my side. Every small piece of the puzzle slowly fell into place, and everything started to make sense. Although the rain was falling down from the dark sky and there wasn’t a ray of sunlight in sight, suddenly the world felt clearer than ever before to me.
Everything seemed to make sense to me now, including my own feelings and the direction that my heart had already headed. Unlike my mind that seemed to struggle to take everything in, it seemed like my heart had made its decision a long time ago, and there was no turning back. I had no idea when I fell in love with Bradon, and perhaps it didn’t matter. What I was certain of was that I had been in love with him even before I learned that somehow he was the Anthony that I remembered from my past. Unknowingly, I had fallen in love with him again even without making the connection to who he was in the past.
–To be continued...
