Save a Failed Idol's Life-Chapter 132:

“…”

After a long and awkward silence, Yu-geon muttered with his head down.

“Maybe…”

I didn’t answer right away, but nodded slightly as if to show that I was listening.

“Never mind, forget it.”

“What is it?”

Why did he stop talking? I answered lightly, clicking my tongue at the bland sentence.

“What do you want to say?”

“…”

Yu-geon looked at me with anxious eyes, as if he wasn’t sure if he could trust me.

“If I was going to cause trouble with my big mouth, I would have done it already.”

Yu-geon’s expression twisted right away. But it was true.

As I kept nagging him with trivial things, he gave a hollow laugh and continued.

“…Do you know who Kang Hee-sung is?”

‘…’

I didn’t expect him to bring up his father right away. I already knew, but it was a name that most people of this generation didn’t know.

“I’ve heard of him.”

I answered briefly, and Yu-geon hesitated a bit before opening his mouth.

“…He’s my father.”

“Hmm…”

I already knew that, but should I act surprised? But it wouldn’t suit me to make a fuss after saying I’ve only heard of him. I quietly closed my mouth.

“People knew him as someone who died of overwork… But when I grew up, I found out that wasn’t true.”

My eyes widened at the unexpected story.

“He didn’t die of overwork?”

Then what was it? Unless he had some kind of grudge or conflict… It wasn’t normal for someone to die suddenly in their early thirties.

“He only had two days off in a year. He was always in a van, going from one event to another in the morning, somewhere else in the afternoon, and three nightclubs in the evening. He had no right to refuse, and if he missed a schedule, he was the only one who was seen as unreliable and unfaithful… He lived like that for years.”

That’s how it was back then. It was a time when night stage singers were in high demand. I nodded slowly, sending him a signal that I was listening.

“If he didn’t follow the schedule, they would bring some gangsters to threaten him, and he never heard anything about the settlement. They would say, ‘How much money do you think you’re spending on your management? How much debt do you still have? You have to work harder,’ and whip him.”

Yu-geon paused to catch his breath, and pounded his chest as if he was frustrated. He wanted to talk, but he wasn’t sure if it was okay to say it, or if it was too late. He looked like he had been agonizing over it hundreds of times.

I felt bad, as if it was my fault that his chest was so heavy.

“When he died, they gave us 1.8 million won as consolation money.”

That could have been possible back then. There was no regulation or management of entertainment agencies, let alone supervision.

I had heard stories of singers who looked like they were making money, but didn’t get a penny from their agency presidents.

‘Not just some average singer, but someone like Kang Hee-sung…’

“I can’t stop thinking about it when I close my eyes. My aunt’s scream… The adults who told me not to come in… The shadow that came down from the ceiling. I, I feel like I’ll end up like that too…”

So this is what it means to not have overwork. I couldn’t think of anything to say to the much more dismal story than I had expected.

Whatever I said would sound like a platitude to Yu-geon.

“I… I like working as an idol. I have confidence in myself. I wouldn’t run away because I hate the stage. So I want it to last long. Not a disposable product that no one cares about, even if I become a wreck after selling everything.”

Yu-geon let out a short breath as if he was overwhelmed, and dropped tears from under his eyes.

“I want to survive as a person. But is that… such a hard thing to do? Am I forcing myself too much right now? I don’t know. I don’t know when the schedule I don’t know will end, and there’s a limit to what I can endure. I feel like these people care more about how much money I make until I break.”

“…”

It wasn’t… an unreasonable logic. People are not things that can be rolled indefinitely without damage.

Everyone does that to some extent. They keep getting numb and numb and endure until they snap at some point.

If that’s the case, even if I looked like a fox, I might have been better off surviving by jumping out and saying I can’t do this.

‘What the hell was he thinking when he punked out…’

It seemed like he was struggling to survive in his own way.

But still, that was a way that bothered many people besides himself. I get it, I get it, but…

The problem was with the company. They forced the schedule against the cast’s will, and if they couldn’t do it, the cast had to pay for their irresponsible behavior.

We “got” the schedule for you. You couldn’t handle it and made everyone in trouble.

I wanted to tell him to rest for a while. But when I thought about the Floss main shooting in the afternoon. I couldn’t say, you can go home.

‘It’s not something I can allow…’

“Did you talk to your manager?”

When I asked cautiously, Yu-geon shook his head and answered.

“I can’t. He’ll want to make a documentary out of it. He’s the kind of person who plans anything that makes money.”

I couldn’t say, well, you’re in a group, you can’t do that, in this situation.

“I don’t know. Wow, I’m really going to die. I might die. What if I kill myself before I die? What it feels like to be choked. Idol activities are hobbies. They support me from behind.”

Yu-geon suddenly said something unexpected with a long sigh, as if I could never understand.

What are you talking about? I get that the situation is bad, and you’re pushed to the edge, and you can’t see others objectively, and they look better, but.

I wasn’t a spoiled brat either. It might look like I was just releasing failed albums and got lucky.

But in the meantime, there was the real death of Cheon Ise. If it weren’t for the system or something, it would have been announced as an obituary.

I listened quietly all the time and then opened my mouth to refute.

“I get what you think of me, but that’s not it.”

“Then what? You’re right.”

Yu-geon asked me as if to tell me not to lie. It’s not a lie. Have I been fooled?

“I had a car accident earlier this year.”

“…?”

Yu-geon looked up at me with a frown, as if he didn’t know.

“I’m a lot better now after rehab, but I can’t do the impressive dances like before. I have iron rods in my back.”

I didn’t mean to have a miserable battle. But somehow the situation went that way and I sighed long.

“Every album I release fails. My family tells me to quit and mocks me for ruining the family name. I almost killed myself too.”

I had succeeded in trying, at least.

But I wasn’t throwing a tantrum because Yu-geon didn’t understand me. People judge each other based on the information they know.

If you don’t tell them, they won’t know. If you don’t communicate what you’re thinking, they’ll keep misunderstanding you.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking or how you feel, because I’m not in your position. You don’t know mine either. It’s the same for the others.”

I’m not asking you to reveal all your secrets. But you should at least tell them enough to make them understand.

That guy always knows nothing but himself, and he should avoid getting into fights.

“Talk to them. It’s better to try to persuade them than to be a lunatic for no reason.”

“…”

Yu-geon stared at the floor silently for a long time, then muttered quietly.

“That’s why I envy you. You can think that persuasion will work.”

“Even if it doesn’t, you have to try. You can’t stay as a crazy, antisocial, and ignorant bastard forever.”

“…”

Yu-geon didn’t answer right away. If that’s what he really wanted, he could live like that for the rest of his life.

But if not, he had to find a way. There was no problem that could be solved by hiding and avoiding alone.

“I don’t know. What I should do and how.”

His slumped shoulders looked more pathetic than when I looked up at him from below the stage. He still looked drained, but he had calmed down a bit. I answered firmly.

“Apologize to the members and finish the stage properly today. Think about whether to talk to the members or the agency after that.”

“…”

He didn’t answer properly again. I sighed inwardly and urged him.

“Are you really not going to do the stage?”

“Do you really want me to?”

Why are you asking me that? I just thought that finishing the stage would be the best way to prevent the situation from getting worse.

If he was still in a panic and couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t help it. He would have to cross the river that he shouldn’t cross with the members, but…

He seemed to have recovered a bit from arguing with me.

“That’s not the point. It’s better to be a jerk with a story than a trash who shuts up and runs away.”

To be honest… It would have been a benefit for us if Yu-geon left Floss. So I didn’t care if he stayed or left. Or if he got along with the members or not.

If I were that kind of person, I would have quit being an idol and gone another way!

“…”

I blurted out and regretted it without knowing it.

It’s his life and he should live it himself. And even though we’re in the same agency, we’re still competing groups.

Was I being too harsh to him, who said he was in pain, by telling him to do the stage for a moment? I felt sorry.

But he had been avoiding everything all this time, so I thought it was okay to tell him not to run away for once.

“I’ll take responsibility somehow if it doesn’t work out.”

In the end, I couldn’t stand the brief silence and blurted out again.

“How?”

Maybe there was a way to use Yu-geon as a solo artist. He was one of the top contenders for individual activities within Floss.

If the label separation went well in the upcoming negotiations with the agency. It wasn’t an immediate matter, but it wouldn’t hurt to recruit Yu-geon later.

It was only a hypothetical scenario, something I would only use for the climax.

“Please. Just go and apologize to him. Tell him you were too shocked earlier and you didn’t know what to do. Tell him you’re sorry for not saying anything and running away.”

Yu-geon looked at me silently. I had no choice but to wait for his decision.