Reincarnated As My Husband's Mistress-Chapter 75: [] I want to be your hell

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Noebian's low, menacing laughter echoed through the bedroom as he stared at me like a painting on the wall.

"Have you been stealing letters?"

"..."

"How many servants have you tortured?"

"..."

"Or maybe, with that damned sorcery of yours, you've summoned Adrienne's ghost?"

Noebian lunged at me, his grip on my shoulder bruising. His eyes, bloodshot with murderous intent, seemed to pierce through me.

"...Sorcery?"

"Yes, damn it. You're a sorceress. A savage sorceress from a savage land. Did you summon Adrienne's ghost? Did you summon her to drive me mad? To whisper in my ear that I should love a disgusting liar like you?"

"That's nonsense."

Noebian's eyebrows furrowed at the word 'nonsense'. He seemed insulted. Even though I mocked him, my heart ached. Every word that came out of Noebian's mouth, drunk and delirious as he was, was a shock to me. Yet, it felt like he was finally revealing the things I'd been so curious about.

"Did you summon Adrienne's spirit? That's why you call me Noah. Noah..."

Ah, it wasn't the word 'nonsense' that pained me, but 'Noah'. To escape Noebian's madness, I twisted my shoulder, but his grip wouldn't loosen.

"...So Blie was a sorceress."

"Stop, stop! Stop pretending! How long..."

"Did you love me, Noah?"

"Stop it!"

His grip was so strong, it felt like my shoulder would shatter. But I didn't back down.

"Knowing that I had feelings for Roardnes since I was young, why did you lie and say it was 'An'? How could such a coincidence happen? The 'An' in Roan, Roardnes' nickname, was also in your name, so how could I not believe you? That's why you made me stop using the nickname 'An', right?"

Noebian's flushed face turned pale.

"Why did you marry me if you didn't love me? Was it for the Crown Prince? To give the eastern forces to the Crown Prince?"

I suddenly broke free from his grasp. Noebian had pushed me away as if he'd been struck by lightning.

"What are you?"

"You said you loved me. You could have just treated me decently and pretended. Why did you do that? I didn't love you, and you only needed our marriage for your political goals. Why did you do something so unnecessary?"

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"What are you? What are you, really?"

"Adrienne."

Noebian's laughter, once filled with mockery, had long since vanished from his hardened lips. He stared at me as if I were Adrienne's corpse, which had been buried just moments ago.

"I am Adrienne."

"That's impossible."

Noebian shook his head as if denying reality.

"Adrienne is dead."

"Yes."

"Then how can you be Adrienne?"

"Why did you kill me?"

Noebian's ragged breaths halted abruptly. I was brimming with questions: why he had deceived me, why he had taken Blie as his mistress. But now, having just buried my physical body, this was the question that consumed me the most.

"You lured me in by pretending to be Roardnes, and even married me. You needlessly whispered sweet nothings, shared your heart, and kissed me..."

I took a step closer to Noebian. He took a step back. His eyes, which had been filled with such turmoil, slowly blinked. Even though he didn't want to admit it, he couldn't deny the facts that were spilling from my lips. Things that he, as Blie, couldn't possibly know.

"After all that... why did you kill me?"

And with those words, Noebian Trovica crumbled. Falling to his knees, he wept like a man vomiting, his body heaving. Occasionally, he would mumble and scratch at the floor. It seemed he was muttering about the drug, saying that the side effects were too severe and that he was seeing hallucinations even when he was lucid.

"Answer me."

He looked up at me with eyes as clouded as those countless nights he'd come to me under the influence of the drug.

"Why are you doing this to me? I gave you everything you wanted. I told you I would make you the Grand Duchess."

I didn't answer.

"All I asked was for you to be my sanctuary, a place where I could find peace. Was that too much to ask?"

"You were the one who took everything from me first."

"...Me? What did I take? I took a commoner like you and made you a Grand Duchess. What more..."

Noebian crawled towards me, his hands scraping against the floor.

"Adrienne Pireta loved you. She loved you very much. She cursed her weakening body day and night. She was disgusted by her inability to even swallow a sip of water."

"I loved you too."

He uttered the words with difficulty, as if his throat was constricted. Tears streamed down his hollow cheeks.

"Do you think I'm lying now?"

"...Everything was a lie, wasn't it?"

My own emotions overflowed.

"You never fell in love with me at first sight. You didn't marry me because you truly wanted me."

Noebian, who had been listening to me with trembling body, laughed bitterly.

"...You're right."

My strength suddenly drained. I hadn't realized how different it would be to hear it directly. Tears welled up in my eyes, but before they could spill over, he chuckled and continued.

"It was like that at first."

He knelt before me, looking up. I clenched my jaw tightly, determined not to cry.

"At first, I didn't love Adrienne."

He was looking at me through Blie's eyes, directly into my past self.

"And then, while I was with her, I fell deeply in love."

His face was filled with a dreamy expression.

"My wife gradually colored my world. Brighter and more beautiful with every passing day."

"..."

"I've never seen the world so beautifully before."

He took my hand tightly. I didn't try to pull away; I simply stared at his lips. His mouth, which had been twisted in a mad grin, contorted.

"You asked why I killed you."

"No, no, I... how could I kill Adrienne?"

He repeated the same words like a madman. Tears streamed down his face incessantly, as relentless as his words.

"I did everything to save Adrienne. To keep her by my side for just a little longer!"

He pulled my legs towards him and shouted.

"But she died. She just left this world. Without a moment's notice. Like that... like that..."

He buried his head in the voluminous dress and mumbled like a madman.

"She didn't even give me a short amount of time..."

And then he began to repeat the same things he always did.

"It's as if she was saying I was never hers. She just left me."

"..."

"What was I supposed to do? I didn't belong anywhere in this world. I couldn't even blame anyone."

It was exhausting. The same old excuses, over and over again. Whether he was under the influence of drugs or not, it seemed there was nothing new to hear from him. A crimson glow illuminated the darkening window outside, and I looked up, mesmerized.

"!"

A red flare shot up into the sky. As if under a spell, I watched it. It was the signal of the end.

"Adrienne wasn't mine, so I was in despair every moment."

My heart pounded in my chest, momentarily drowned out by Noebian's mournful voice.

"...Noah."

I finally opened my tightly sealed lips.

"There's something you don't know."

"..."

"Adrienne Pireta was yours."

Noebian, who had stopped crying and was rubbing his face against the hem of his dress, looked up blankly.

"Adrienne Pireta loved you sincerely. Until the day she died, she read the newspapers, searching for news of you. She was worried you might get hurt on the frontier, and that she had kept the news from you, all for the sake of her weak self..."

"...You..."

"So Adrienne Pireta was yours. Even if you couldn't have everything in the world, until the moment of her death, Adrienne Pireta considered herself your wife and called your name. She died calling your name."

Noebian's wet face twisted in sorrow.

"In her final moments, she wished to see you, not those damn maids. Do you know what she thought in her dying breath?"

Tears streamed down my face as I thought of Adrienne on that foolish day.

"I thought, 'What will Noah do when I die?'"

"You, you... how dare you..."

"I said that if I died, I would die with you. I meant it..."

Noebian's head bobbed as he began to sob, a harsh, wet sound as if blood was coming from his throat.

"She pushed aside the image of her sick, withered self and wished for a healthy, new wife."

The sound of fireworks seemed to be getting closer.

"She wished for that, Adrienne Pireta."

I swallowed my rising tears and scoffed.

"Even if you hadn't deceived and betrayed me so much, I wouldn't have let you go. If you hadn't killed me. You killed me and then shamelessly tried to take this woman. You wouldn't have gotten away with it."

It was true. No matter how it started, no matter how my first love was tainted, I had truly loved him during those moments we shared. If he had only apologized once before I died, if he had begged me, if he had whispered that he loved me. If he had sincerely begged for forgiveness, things wouldn't have ended like this.

"If I wasn't yours, then whose was I?"

That was why it had been so painful.

"Adrienne thought of herself as yours until the very end, but you say she was never yours? So you were miserable because you couldn't have her?"

"I... I..."

"So now you can have nothing."

I pushed Noebian away, who was still kneeling and clutching at my skirt.

"You couldn't even keep what was yours."

He looked up at me, pushed back weakly. His black hair was wet and disheveled. His wet eyes, devoid of any movement, followed only my moving lips.

"Isn't it a beautiful fire?"

I ignored his drenched face and turned up the corner of my lips, gesturing towards the window.

"You'd better come to your senses, Noebian."

I gathered all the dirty emotions I had and spat them out.

"That fire is a signal that the Crown Prince has abandoned you."

As soon as I finished speaking, the sound of clanging weapons outside broke the short silence.

"The east won't support you anymore. I sent a letter to Gregory and Bianca."

But Noebian, as if he didn't have the strength to stand, mumbled, as if he couldn't believe my words about him being mine.

"You made a mistress even before I died, and she's living in this house now."

The clanging of iron armor was getting dangerously close.

"The criminal, Noebian Trovica, obey the command of His Highness, the Crown Prince!"

A deep, masculine voice from outside echoed through the mansion.

"His Highness, who needs the power of the east, has finally decided to abandon you."

Noebian blinked slowly, as if he had been hit on the head by the news of the Crown Prince's betrayal. The light faded from his eyes, unable to believe any of it: that I was Adrienne, that he had been deceived by Blie, and even that the Crown Prince he trusted had betrayed him. I imprinted his face, that of a man whose mind had snapped, into my memory.

"...Why?"

Noebian muttered blankly. Was he talking to Blie? To Adrienne? It no longer mattered.

"...Did you think I'd be your sanctuary?"

I mocked him openly.

"Absolutely not. I wanted to be your hell."

Just like you did to me. I, who had always had to smile like Blie in front of you, could finally smile genuinely for the first time.

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