Reborn in Milfloria: The Only Man in a World of Seductive Queens-Chapter 26: Thighs Before Guys

"Turn left at the Tree of Tiddies. Knock thrice upon the trunk, and speak the sacred word: 'Bazongas.'"

Henry stared. "...Bazongas?"

Seraphina pinched the bridge of her nose. "This realm is cursed."

---

The carriage made a gentle turn left, following a trail lined with glowing pink mushrooms and suggestive topiary bushes trimmed into the shape of various buttcheeks.

Soon, they found it.

The Tree of Tiddies.

It stood fifty feet tall, its branches drooping under the weight of two massive, pillow-shaped fruits that bounced slightly in the wind. A low hum of seductive harp music floated around it.

Henry approached reverently. "Do I... do I knock on the nipple?"

Seraphina deadpanned. "Just knock on the trunk."

Henry knocked three times.

Knock-knock-knock.

The tree shivered.

Henry cleared his throat, looked at Seraphina, and whispered, "Bazongas."

Nothing happened.

He tried louder. "Bazongas!"

The tree rumbled, then split open at the base, revealing a spiral staircase that glowed with pink neon light.

A sign above the entrance read: "Welcome to the Library of Lewdness. Shhh. Moaning allowed, but keep it classy."

Henry clapped his hands. "I've found my homeland."

---

Inside, the walls were lined with books bound in silk, velvet, and the occasional fishnet.

A librarian ghost floated by, wearing glasses, high heels, and absolutely nothing else.

"Welcome, travelers," she said breathily. "Please refrain from licking the literature."

Henry already had his tongue out.

Seraphina dragged him by the collar.

They approached the main desk where a massive magical tome rested. It glowed with ethereal light and the faint scent of vanilla-scented body lotion.

Henry read the cover aloud: "The Lusty Lore of Milforia: Volume 69."

Seraphina opened it to the bookmarked page.

A glowing map projected into the air, showing a temple in the middle of a heart-shaped lake.

Next to it, bold letters read: "The Temple of Rizzurrection. Here lies the Pantywhisper Portal."

Henry leaned in. "That's our destination!"

The librarian ghost coughed politely.

"Beware," she whispered, floating closer. "To enter the temple, one must pass the Trial of Maximum Rizz."

Henry raised an eyebrow. "Define 'Maximum Rizz.'"

She looked him up and down. "It's like normal rizz... but shirtless, oiled, and emotionally vulnerable."

Seraphina smirked. "You're doomed."

Henry put his hand on his chest. "I'll have you know I cried during a shampoo commercial once."

The ghost nodded approvingly. "That counts."

---

Back in the carriage, armed with directions, oil (again), and the encouragement of at least three flirty ghosts, Henry and Seraphina rode off toward the heart-shaped lake.

The road narrowed into a shimmering causeway made of rose petals.

Henry looked over the side. "That's a lot of water."

Seraphina pointed. "That's not water. That's..."

Henry dipped his hand in. "...Body lotion."

The Temple of Rizzurrection rose ahead of them like a giant pink castle carved from marble and estrogen.

Pillars shaped like thighs framed the front entrance, and a fountain of sparkling lube bubbled joyously in the courtyard.

Henry stepped out dramatically. "Time to rizz up and roll out."

Seraphina groaned. "Try not to get us kicked out by flirting with a statue again."

Henry saluted. "No promises."

---

The temple door opened with a puff of glitter.

Inside, dozens of statues lined the hall, each more thicc and seductive than the last.

A voice echoed: "To proceed, you must pass the Trial of Maximum Rizz. Pick your partner."

Henry turned to Seraphina, eyebrows raised.

She raised hers higher. "Oh hell no. Pick a statue."

Henry sighed, then approached a marble goddess with heart-shaped pupils and an hourglass figure that defied geometry.

He cleared his throat. "Hey. You, me, candlelight dinner, followed by intense therapy and maybe some consensual cuddling."

The statue glowed.

Voice: "Acceptable level of emotional intelligence. Continue."

Henry grinned. "Still got it."

Next, a row of doors appeared. Each had a symbol: A bed, a book, a whip, a crying emoji, and a bowl of ramen.

"Choose your test," said the voice.

Henry pointed at the ramen.

The door opened into a room with a giant bed and a woman made entirely of noodles.

"Welcome," she said seductively. "Your final challenge: cuddle without catching feelings."

Henry froze. "...I'm gonna fail."

He jumped onto the bed.

Ten minutes later, he stumbled out of the room, noodle strands tangled in his hair, and eyes misty.

"She said I made her feel warm inside..."

Seraphina patted his back. "You simp."

"She was delicious," Henry sniffled.

The temple's central chamber opened.

Inside was a swirling portal surrounded by thrones made of lingerie and lava lamps.

A final scroll floated before them.

Henry grabbed it.

It read: "Beyond this portal lies Chapter 27. Proceed only if you're sufficiently moisturized and emotionally damaged."

Seraphina looked at him. "Well?"

Henry cracked his neck. "Moisturized: check. Emotionally damaged? Baby, I write poetry about my exes."

She sighed. "Then let's go."

Together, they stepped into the Pantywhisper Portal.

The llamas cheered.

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