RE: Monarch-Chapter 269: Kholis XIV

The afternoon flew by with reckless abandon. Everywhere we looked, there was something new to see—something rare or unexpected in a vendor's palette or behind a pane of translucent glass. My mind buzzed from the constant stimulation of color, both whirling overhead and threading through corridors and walkways as the wind gusted near constantly.

We spotted a few other Elven mages like the one we'd left behind, and as we explored the city at large, kept watch for anything particularly charming to add to the small baskets we'd purchased from a vendor.

The market was lively and boisterous, even more so than our last visit. Vendors tending stalls argued and haggled with customers, voices raised, gestures wild and emphatic. Gold changed hands quickly and with great velocity. Occasionally, things rose to a fever pitch. In the one instance I witnessed that went beyond that, the guard was called. But it was like there was an underlying understanding that what Kholis had—what it was, beneath the frills and flowers and gentle rustic aesthetic—was truly rare.

And the collective sense that no one wanted to sully that.

"Have you had candied fruit before?" I leaned over and asked Maya.

Her lively pace ground to a halt as she nearly missed a step and caught herself. She blinked several times until recognition lit up in her expression. "That was… disorienting. You asked that very question here on this street, yes?"

"It was here, yes." I looked around for the fruit vendor, searching the lines of stalls. But there was barely any produce to be seen, as it was already later in the season.

"We were such children then." Maya, as she often did, turned around and walked backward a few steps, checking for any unwanted followers, trusting me to guide her. "Gallivanting around without a care in the world, with the mortal enemy you'd only just escaped less than a stone's throw away."

"It wasn't all fun and games." I pointed out, remembering vividly the weight that had settled over me after I discovered it was impossible to tell anyone where my 'visions' of the future came from. That if I even hinted at the nature of my ability, the words would slip from their minds, the memory fleeing altogether. "Especially between us. If you were a little less observant—hells, just generally gave less of a damn—we'd have parted ways and be worlds apart by now."

"I couldn't leave you alone. Even if that might have been the smarter thing to do, given what little I knew at the time. But when your mask slipped, and I saw how scared you were… it moved me." 𝑓𝘳𝘦𝑒𝑤𝑒𝘣𝘯ℴ𝘷𝘦𝓁.𝑐𝑜𝑚

"The sniveling was what moved you?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," Maya repeated, without even a hint of a laugh. "Because I realized how off-the-mark my instincts were. Prince—" She spoke the word deep in her throat, barely audible. "—of Whitefall is a title that held many implications to a lowly infernal. Mostly unflattering. It didn't help that you'd lied to me after I'd given you my full confidence. I'd nearly written you off entirely before our argument, when I realized your possessiveness and attempts to win me over stemmed from loneliness, rather than entitlement."

Even now, the memory of those early days put a lump in my throat. "Still, I'm thankful for that. For you."

Her cheeks tinged dark violet. "We would have been fine if you'd only stopped treating me like a trophy to be claimed."

"I had little expertise in the practice and principles of keeping friends." I grunted, swiping one aster from a bundle in a nearby vase and leaving a silver rod in its place. "And I was only partially wrong."

"Oh?" Her eyes narrowed.

"You can't be bought, of course, nor earned. And only a fool with an ego to rival Thotar's would attempt to claim you. But you are quite the trophy, nonetheless." I slid the flower's stem behind her ear, quite sure of my charm.

Maya stood stock still, mouth working quietly for a few moments until her expression hardened. A thumb, tucked between her second and third fingers, jabbed roughly into my ribs, and I yelped, taking a few wounded steps in retreat.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Because." Maya replied, turning her nose up as she walked away.

"Because why?" I followed her.

"Because you've spent most of the time we've known each other keeping your considerable armaments of charm and seduction pointed firmly away from me, and it's completely unfair to suddenly brandish the entire arsenal in my direction."

"Well—what—you're saying I'm too charming?"

"No. In fact, I find this most recent attempt rather gauche. Entirely unaffecting."

"Well, excuse me... why are you running away?"

"Doing nothing of the sort." Maya said over her shoulder. "Just continuing on in the direction we already were."

"At speed."

"At pace."

I grinned, hurrying to catch up, focus turning to the orange aster still tucked behind her ear. "If that's true, better remove that overgrown weed before it takes root and embarrasses you further."

Immediately her arm shot up, shielding the flower protectively. "It's not a weed. And it has a pleasant scent. It can stay."

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There was a protracted silence that remained as we ventured through the streets of Kholis, lasting long enough to make me wonder if I'd erred. Perhaps it'd been too much, or she simply wasn't comfortable with romantic attentions in public spaces. Many people were like that. Assuming Maya would simply be okay with it was probably short-sighted—

My companion sighed, heel of her boot scuffing the pavement louder than usual as she came to a stop. "Am I being too difficult? You… are making welcome advances. I enjoy the honeyed sentiment and small kindnesses. Yet when it's my turn to respond, despite knowing how I feel and what I want—it is difficult to do so."

"No, that's reasonable." Almost immediately, I could relate. "With the scale of everything else going on in the world, it feels strange to focus on the little things. Trivial."

"Exactly." Maya's face lit up in recognition, immediately plunging back into a scowl. "Damn my mind. I can't stop thinking of all the things I should be doing and feeling guilty. Even though I wanted this. Pushed for it, even." She grew quiet, drawing further into herself.

"I see."

We strode down a long path lined with fruit trees. Whirling gusts overhead, influenced by the Elven magic, sliced through the joints and stamens of gnarled branches and immature growths, ferrying their contents in gentle swirls to the grass below.

"It's a struggle." I finally admitted. "From a purely rational perspective, you're right. Parts of this are practical—reuniting with Lucius and reaffirming that childhood connection, getting a glimpse at how a unified society might function in the greater scheme of things, and so on. If we were being efficient, that would take up only a day."

The silence dragged on as I worked through what I wanted to say.

"'An undefeated commander is a valuable boon. He should be lauded, and his vices soothed. An undefeated commander with no vices is more dangerous than a three-front war. Because in place of drink, or whoring, or family, his vice is conflict. And in times of peace, when there is no campaign to advance or battle to fight, you will instead find him pounding on your door with closed fist and stone heart.'"

Maya breathed out slowly, showing a shadow of a smile. "Please tell me the king didn't say that?"

I snorted. "Gods no. My bullheaded father retains some degree of self-awareness. That's uh, Fen Wi'rell. Lightly paraphrased and embellished. The printed translation is very literal."

"So…" Maya mused over it, her expression coy. "You've decided my lack of vices is a threat with the potential to lead to something between light treason and the complete destabilization of the monarchy, and thus have spirited us away to a quiet place to defuse and corrupt me."

"And that translation has far too much embellishment for my liking, thank you." I replied dryly, then stroked the scruff at my chin, rather unhappily finding it absent, shaved off earlier in the morning. "To be clear, I'm not worried about any sort of betrayal. You've never acted in anything other than my best interests—even when you believed me dead, which is more loyalty than anyone could reasonably expect." I paused, a flicker of movement drawing my attention to the treetops above, where a cardinal darted between branches, chirping a loud song, then stopping, waiting to hear if it was returned. "But we've both glimpsed the madness that strides lockstep with obsession."

"Digging a hole, while losing any sense of how deep you've gone, how long you've been digging, and where the surface is." Maya recited, her visage cold.

I paused, not sure whether further discussion of the topic was a good idea. "When things… were at their worst, what did you think about?"

Her mouth thinned. "Mostly I spent a great deal of time trying not to. Think, that is. Hiding from memories even as they haunted me, their faces scribed into cave walls, lying in wait, weathering random ambushes of remembrance. When that failed… I tried to focus on the good times, I guess. Living under the same roof with my family, and you, studying, practicing magic together. Dreaming, together. It… warmed me… even though it was a reminder of what I'd lost. I never wished it hadn't happened. Just cursed that what came to pass was so fleeting."

"Those days brought me great comfort as well." I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. "When I was tortured—for however long that lasted, it's difficult to say—it was like a part of my mind took up residence in the recollections. You've seen for yourself, there weren't many happy memories from my first life. Without those quiet, happy times we lived together, I'm not sure I would have made it. I barely did."

"They gave us solace." Maya observed quietly. "In our own way."

"Motivation. Reasons to keep going when rational thought and reason had long since fled, substantial enough to sustain our faculties until higher reasoning returns." I took her hand, doing my best to banish the doubt that remained, nattering in the recesses of my mind. "So even though we're both here because we want to be, and that feels strange, as selfishness is a luxury rarely afforded to our station, you can tell the guilt-tripping voice in your head to kick rocks. Because it serves a practical purpose. We have to live, to know what's worth living for."

Seeming to accept that, she squeezed my hand. The shadows from the canopy vanished, nothing overhead but clear sky.

I wasn't sure that I'd convinced her. Or even myself.

After all, there was still a part of me—an ancient part, though that was beyond my awareness at the time—that was understandably wary of any meaningful connection. It felt a little like falling back into old patterns, partaking in a portion of life that eventually yielded great hardship.

Because whether this was what I hoped it to be or not, it would, inevitably, end.

All things did.

And sure, that is the nature of life. Death lingers over the existence of every mortal, its presence ignored, overlooked, shunted to the side, until all that remains is a shadow. But day turns to dusk, and the sun dwindles to its nadir, golden crescent struggling for purchase until its celestial fingers slip, swallowed by the waiting darkness. Then the shadow prevails.

Lillian was an all too recent reminder of that.

Maybe it was better to never truly connect. Accept love where it was given, and show that love in return, but never allow the vulnerability to spread deeper than that. To always be prepared for the worst possible thing to happen, so when it does, it's easier to simply pick up the pieces and carry on.

"Is that living?"

"Sorry?" I blinked several times.

"Nothing. You just looked a thousand span away." There was a slight chill as something cool and organic nestled behind my ear. Maya's arm lowered as she inspected me with amusement. "Much better."

My mouth quirked. I'd been too preoccupied to see what she'd placed there, but the feel and slightly florid scent gave it away. "Cairn, Prince of Whitefall, heir to the throne, prancing around with flowers in his hair. Gil would lose his mind."

"Flowers, perhaps not. But a single flower has never harmed anyone."

"Pretty sure there are some convincing arguments to the contrary growing in Lucius's medicinal garden." I joked. "Does it suit me?"

Maya nodded definitively. "Complements your eyes."

A wave of smoke passed between us, stinging our eyes and lungs, as the sound of hammer striking steel rang, radiating throughout the clearing.

I turned toward the direction it came from, feeling a spike of nostalgia. "I think we found our blacksmith."