Pretending to Be an Untouchable Crime Boss-Chapter 58: The Choice You Made.

"I killed him… because of me, he died… it was me."

"No, James, it—" Bella stopped talking as soon as James’ face slowly turned to her. His eyes were wide open, but they were not just empty and hollow…no, they were without a drop of life.

It was like a dead man stared at her, so empty and dark.

She didn’t continue but slowly stepped back and turned to leave the room. She couldn’t do it.

She couldn’t allow herself to see James like that.

But James’ mother was still there, unmoving, without saying anything. Her breath was fast, controlled now, but she was still firm, her nails digging into James’ skin.

Anger.

That kind of anger that was controlled, the worst one. She knew, she knew that it was all James’ fault, that Rafael died because of him. She wanted to tear him apart, her own son, the cause of another’s death.

James knew it too. He knew that his mother was not going to look at him the same way as she did before.

A murderer of his own little brother. A traitor of their bloodline. A failure.

He couldn’t cry anymore. There were no tears left in his eyes. He was swallowed by guilt, the consciousness that Rafael’s blood would stick to his hands forever.

"James…" She whispered in his ear. "He is not coming back anymore." She started crying, her tears rolling down James’ neck, then sniffed, trying to control it. "He was shot… in the neck." She stopped again, now her voice filled with anger. "Can you imagine the feeling? That you’re choking on your own blood…?"

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James slowly turned his head as his mother leaned back, now looking into his eyes.

"He tried everything…" She bit her lip. "Tried to stop the blood that was gushing out with his own hands…" Her look wavered for a second, then locked again into his eyes. "He suffered and tried so hard, James. That little Rafael that you swore to protect, to be a role model for, a brother."

"Mom—"

"I can never hear his laugh, James… his eyes will never look at me." Her grip tightened more. "When did you become a monster…?"

There was silence, then she continued.

"I don’t know who you are anymore." She whispered again, her face twisting with a sorrow so deep, so raw. "I lost both of my children."

James’ breath hitched, but he couldn’t say a word. His mother’s fingers pressed harder against his skin, her nails digging in deep, but he didn’t flinch. He deserved it. Every bit of pain, every ounce of hatred in her eyes, he deserved it all.

She stared at him, her lips trembling, her chest rising and falling with heavy, ragged breaths.

Then, suddenly, she laughed.

A broken, bitter laugh that held no joy, only agony.

"Tell me, James, how does it feel?"

James had no answer.

"Does it hurt? Does it tear you apart inside, knowing that Rafael’s last moments were spent drowning in his own blood?"

His mother shook her head. "You were supposed to protect him, James. You were supposed to be his big brother. He believed in you. He loved you, adn now…I will never see him grow up. Never hear him call my name again." She took a shuddering breath. "Because of you."

James felt something inside him crack.

But his mother wasn’t done.

"I lost my baby." Her voice broke, raw and full of pain. "But not just Rafael."

She lifted her gaze, and James saw it. The emptiness.

"I lost you too."

A silence louder than any scream, heavier than any grief.

James opened his mouth, but no words came out. There was nothing left to say.

Because he knew, he saw it in her eyes.

She would never look at him the same way again.

"Mom..."

James finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper, full of guilt and fear.

She didn’t respond at first. She just stared at him, as if she was trying to make sense of what had happened, as if her mind couldn’t quite grasp that the boy she had raised, the boy she had loved, became something that she hated.

"I-I didn’t want this.." he pleaded, his voice cracking. "I never wanted this….." His words tumbled out in a broken mess, but nothing he said could fix what had been done.

"But you did it, James. You did it. The choices you made…the choice that killed him. And now look at us. Look at me."

It hurt. It hurt in a way he couldn’t explain, because it wasn’t just the guilt eating him alive.

She slowly stood up and said. "You’re not the son I raised. You’re not the boy I loved."

The words wrapped around him, over and over, until he could no longer tell where his thoughts ended and the guilt began. It was true. He could feel it deep in his bones, he had failed Rafael.

And worse, he had failed his mother

I didn’t mean it….I never wanted this.

But no matter how many times he whispered it to himself, it didn’t change the truth. The truth was that Rafael was gone, and he had been the one to push him into that darkness.

What did I do? How did it come to this?

He could still see Rafael’s face, the trust in his eyes, the way he had looked up to him, always believing in him.

I was supposed to be his protector…. I promised him that.

But promises didn’t mean anything when you failed to keep them.

His mother’s face, her eyes cold and empty, haunted him. He could still hear her words in his mind, each one laced with such finality.

You killed him. And for that, I will never forgive you. Never.

His hands curled into fists.

What’s left for me now?

The tears streamed down his face now, unstoppable.

He could hear his mother’s voice again in his mind, the weight of those words..

Everything I touch dies…I can’t protect anyone. I never could.

There was a part of him, deep down, that wanted to believe this wasn’t his fault, that there had been something else he could have done. But that part was fading, slipping away with each tear that fell, each wave of guilt that crashed over him.

And he had killed the last piece of his mother’s love.

He wanted to end it. End everything.

And maybe that was the worst part of all, but he was pulled from his thoughts by his mother.

"Kill all of them." She said while looking back at him one last time before leaving the room.

James stared at her, his wide eyes still locked on her.

"They took both of my sons…let them suffer the same way I suffer."

She stood there for a moment, waiting for him to respond, but he was frozen in place. He couldn’t find his voice, couldn’t speak.

"You owe it to him." She added, her tone low, seething with an intensity that made his blood run cold. "To Rafael. To me. Show them the choice you made, and the man you become…"

She turned and left the room leaving James alone and his mother’s words became his own.

The darkness that had been swirling within him for so long now surged forward, taking control. His mind, once sharp and calculated, was now clouded with bloodlust.

He could almost hear the screams in his mind, feel the heat of the fire as he watched it all burn. Their suffering would be his release. Their pain would be his redemption.

He would tear through the world, leave nothing but destruction in his wake. He would remind everyone that James Bellini was not a man to be forgotten. Not a man to be crossed.

The thought surged through him like a wave of dark power. The guilt, the grief, it all slipped away, replaced by a singular focus.

He had become the monster they had feared all along.

The only thing that saved him in the last moment before he fell into the darkness was that touch.

James didn’t even notice Charlotte coming in. The only thing he was focused on was the darkness, the anger, the guilt, all of it swallowing him whole, forcing him to finally accept it.

A touch. A soft touch that carried innocence, a touch that came from a pure soul.

James turned his head slightly, his hollow eyes landing on Charlotte. She stood beside him, her small hand resting on his arm, her expression filled with quiet concern.

There was no fear in her gaze, no judgment, just the silent understanding of someone who saw beyond the anger and pain.

"James…" She whispered it quietly yet it carried enough weight to pull him back, even if just a little.

His fingers twitched as if wanting to hold on to something, but what? Redemption? Forgiveness?

He didn’t know.

All he knew was that, in that moment, Charlotte’s presence was the only thing keeping him from falling deeper into the void.