Omega's Rebirth-Chapter 836: Failed ()

The doors to Jian’s study creaked open and Cassian and Imagor strode in. Their arrival went unacknowledged, their gazes were hesitant and they exchanged a look before Cassian broke the silence.

"There are three new sightings of Forlorn today." Cassian reported grimly. "Their numbers intensify by the day. The third battalion has it under control, but their hands are full. An elven forest was attacked and suffered great casualties. They request dragon aid."

Jian sat behind his desk, head hunched down. He didn’t glance up. Not when the door opened, not when they stopped by his desk and not even when the report was given and they awaited his response.

And for a long moment after, he was silent. When he finally did respond, it was to scoff beneath his breath. A dark, derisive sound.

"Dragon... aid?" He repeated the words. His voice was hoarse and cracked from disuse.

"We should dispatch the second squadron." Imagor suggested. "Withdraw them..." He trailed off when Jian glanced up, eyes red and rim.

"Withdraw them from searching the dark lands for Veah?" He asked slowly, his eyes dark and his tone was bitter. "Is that what you ask of me...?"

"I..." Imagor stuttered, he lowered his head, eyes pained. "Forgive me, My Liege."

A month had passed by in the blink of an eye.

A month!

Since Neveah’s fall.

Since the only woman he had ever loved disappeared into an abyss of darkness, damning him to a pending fate of a life without her.

And all he could think, the only sane thought his mind still seemed capable of...

’She should have let him die.’

’She should have let him die out there in cursed territory.’

’She should have let the world fall to ruins.’

’She should have...’

If saving him meant he had to endure this emptiness, this hollow feeling...this pain that ripped through his heart and froze his blood,

If saving the world meant he had to exist for a single day in a reality without her...

’She should have let it all crash and burn.’

He had watched it happen. Watched her fall. Heard Kaideon’s roar as he dove after her.

He had watched his entire life shatter in that exact moment.

But it was too late...it was all too late.

His heart had constricted into a painful knot that hadn’t found relief, even a month after.

He couldn’t think...he couldn’t sleep...he couldn’t breathe...

He didn’t want to live. But he didn’t dare die either. Because what if... she was still somewhere out there?

He had waited and waited for the severing to hit and put an end to his misery. But he realised at the crack of dawn each day, that he was still alive.

It was a bitter feeling, not knowing what was true. Did it mean she still lived? Or did it mean his fated death alongside her had somehow changed?

The first stirred a measure of hope in his worn heart. The second...it was a curse he fervently hoped fate had not dealt him.

He had already died once. He hadn’t asked for anything to change! He hadn’t asked for a different fate!

If she had to die, he wanted to be damned with her! He was meant to be damned with her! He couldn’t live...he couldn’t live like this.

And so each day, as grief clawed through him and sorrow lacerated his heart, he waited. Each day, he waited for death.

For that feeling of drowning in his own grief, for the sudden, searing pain that had neither name nor title, that chilling cold pain that froze up his muscles and slowed his heart,

That gut-wrenching pain that burnt his blood and twisted his veins... that throbbing pain that left him gasping for breath he would never find again.

But it never came.

It had come before! Instantly!

But this time...it just wouldn’t come.

And he hated himself, he hated each day that he lived. Each devastating breath without her...he hated it all.

"Then... the elven forest..." Cassian asked slowly.

Jian wished he could damn it all. Damn the stronghold and every other thing along with it.

But she had given everything for the stronghold... for his people. For him...

While he lived, he wouldn’t dishonour her.

"Send Verothrax." Jian murmured absentmindedly.

Cassian and Imagor exchanged another look.

"My liege, Verothrax returned from the Mer Seas only this mornin..." Cassian’s words died on his tongue when Jian’s gaze found his. The temperature dropped even further, it shouldn’t have been even possible.

"Send Verothrax." He said again, each word enunciated. His tone was calm and cold enough to be felt. But his aura, it was something else entirely.

Cassian winced visibly. "Understood."

Jian’s gaze returned to the file on his desk and he didn’t lift his head again. Not even when the door opened and then went shut again.

Jian remained in that position for what must have been hours. And finally, he got up to his feet and strode out to his balcony.

For a moment, he stood in place. Staring out at the Citadel. It was beautiful, as it always had been.

But this time, he felt nothing.

He let himself fall forwards, tumbling off his balcony. His hair came undone, the wind whipping it into his face as he fell freely, gravity tugging him to the rocky earth far below.

He could almost picture the crash when he hit solid ground. Picture how his bones would snap in odd angles. How he would bleed out...

Death might come swiftly if he damaged a few important organs. Or it may be drawn out and excruciating if he just bled out.

It was difficult to know till it happened.

So this was what it felt like...

This was what she must have felt...

Twisting around in the air, his shift rushed through him. With a beat of his wings, his fall broke and he hovered above the ground.

He didn’t linger. Flying straight for Mount Edar.

The mountain had been warded on all sides by a magic barrier. It was a familiar sight that ached Jian’s heart.

But it was different in a way that was more excruciating.

It was different because this barrier wasn’t erected to keep anyone in. It was meant to be the opposite.

He had known Xenon’s experience in the shadow tower when he let him see into his mind.

He had known when Xenon defied the laws of the dream plane and aided them in the battle circle from an entirely different dimension.

But Xenon had been opposed to the abilities he now had within his reach. So much so that the rest of the King’s guard only realised Xenon could now wield a measure of magic when he set up a barrier to shut himself out from the world.

And so Mount Edar had been, for the past weeks since he regained consciousness.

Guilt churned within Jian’s heart. He had watched it happen and had done nothing to save her,

While Xenon had been helpless, fighting for his own life.

Waking up to Neveah’s disappearance, the look of horror in his eyes at that moment still tore at Jian’s eyes.

He had barely spoken since, and hadn’t left Mount Edar since he became conscious.

He wasn’t in the state to either. Even now, he slipped in and out of consciousness multiple times in a day.

He couldn’t fly. His wings lay limp like they were frozen too stiff to move, yet they looked just the same as always. Whether it was an ailment of body or mind, Jian couldn’t tell.

Misha’s return... Neveah’s fall, Verothrax’s betrayal, all that had happened was too much, even for Jian.

Xenon...it seemed he had finally cracked.

Everon had said there was nothing that could be done. His recovery would be slow and dependent on his will to fully return to himself.

Jian knew had Xenon been fully conscious and capable of deciding for himself, he would never have returned without Neveah.

He would have flown out to the dark lands and scoured every end of it till he found her, or died trying.

And that made him feel even more tortured.

He hadn’t just lost the woman he loved, he feared he had ruined Xenon for life. And without Veah... there was no salvation.

Jian shifted back to his human form. He hesitated for a long moment before he ventured into the cave.

Xenon was in dragon form. He often was recently. Like the form was the closest thing to flight he had left, like it was the only thing keeping him sane.

And maybe it was.

His black scales gleamed in the darkness. His amber orbs opened tiredly, turning to Jian, and then they went shut again.

Dismissing...Pained...

Jian wished he would get furious and yell, curse at him or even hit him.

Anything but this silent dismissal.

But Xenon barely looked at him these days...

Jian didn’t have to search his mind to know his thoughts.

’You were right there... and you let her fall...’

’You did nothing...’

’You failed her...’

The same thoughts replayed like a mantra in his head. Over and over again.

And even he, could barely stand to look at his own self.