My Wife is a Dead Villainess, and I'm Her Living Weapon-Chapter 163: Alive

CREAKK!!!

The skies were filled with the echoes of trees bending. Like the ominous sound from old doors being slowly pushed open. Loud crashes and leaves rustling with the wind. Yes, it was the melody of the forests coming alive.

Along with the scents of cedar, sap, and vegetation, this was truly a world of nature. That was if one discarded the giant beings fighting in the heart of the forests.

A pair of giant 18-meter humanoid trees was attacking their opponents.

Low groans of twisting branches brushed past the trespassers as the trees swung their limbs like arms. Mighty stomps of tree trunks thicker than a house fell like thunder. Yet despite all that, the giants of nature failed to hit their opponents.

There were not alone; hundreds of smaller humanoid trees all similarly uprooted themselves from the ground to join the fight, yet it did not make a difference. The entire forest was in chaos. And at the center of it all were just two people.

A ghost who flew around sniping with her rifle and a golem who blew everything in his way apart.

***

"Greatest pet peeve?"

"Definitely overgrown nose hair. You could be an absolute goddess but would lose all my respect if I saw hair sticking out of your nostril."

"Are you serious? You call someone an absolute goddess yet a few inches of hair in the wrong spot makes you hostile? What would you do I had overgrown nose hair? Ah! Jump, Elian!"

A black figure leaped up at the command. A flurry of branches shredded even the dust as they passed like a wave of sharks.

"Huff! I would probably push you and forcefully stick a nose hair trimmer to clean your nostrils. Same thing if you had overgrown armpit hair," Elian joked. "Ah, behind you, Bianca."

Low groans resounded as large humanoid trees kept chasing after a speeding figure. Her platinum blonde hair danced like a mesmerizing river of silver as she evaded. With relaxed movements, she darted around the monsters coming after her all the while pouting.

"You would dare push me down for such a reason! The nerve of this brat! Who are you to chastise someone’s personal hygiene? What if I want my nose or armpit hair to be long?"

Bianca’s complaints were directed to the ’beetle’ speeding on the ground. Their two giant opponents were trying to stomp him flat like a cockroach. She didn’t have it any better as they were also trying to swat her down like a fly.

"Why are you angry, you spoiled little penguin? You asked! And if you dare to grow nose hair, I am leaving!"

"What?! How could you? Just for that? YOU CAN’T! I FORBID IT!" Bianca shrieked.

"Oh, stop! You would do the same if I grew long toenails, wouldn’t you?"

"THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE DISGUSTING!"

Elian braked just before a giant foot fell in front of him. Bracing his core, he opened the panels in his shoulders and whispered in a low voice.

"Blockbuster."

Fifty baseball-sized spheres exploded outward like an angry swarm of bees. Each projectile had momentum greater than a cannon and simultaneously smashed into the wooden leg in front of him.

Despite the giant tree’s foot being harder than average, it couldn’t bear the kinetic energy and disintegrated under Elian’s assault. The torn limb set the giant hurtling to the ground. It screamed and waved its arms trying to catch itself. Only it was bound to fail.

"Bianca!"

"Okay!"

Bianca positioned herself between the sun and the giant and spun her sniper rifle, then aimed. Dozens of floating mirrors formed a glowing array behind her, channeling a beam of sunlight straight into her rifle’s buttstock.

With her eye in front of the scope, a bright light rose from her gun barrel as she exclaimed in excitement, "Fralhame Lance Mode E! Firing!"

The flash of light raced and impacted on the humanoid tree’s face like a mop; it wiped the monster away. Each part that the light touched turned to ash, and those just beside it caught fire and began to burn the tree alive.

SCREEE!!!!

Loud screams came from the giant as it immolated; a sharp hum came from its body as it crashed with devastating force. Its allies raced to attack the witch in the sky and the golem on the ground.

Yet they too could not stop, either.

They were either torn apart by the metal or burned alive by the light of the sun. Their death throes filled the air until none of them remained.

However, against Elian and Bianca, even dying was not the worst thing to happen.

"Enslave." "Soul bind."

With just two commands, an army of trees rose up from the black lake surrounding Elian and Bianca. Their eyes burned like small fires as they lugged bodies now made of steel.

"Hmm, why call these bastards Ironwood Giants? They are basically just huge freaking trees."

"Stop being so condescending. You could say that same thing about the snow wolves being just giant dogs," the witch countered.

"But they at least used mana attacks. These treats just swing their arms and move like lanky beanpoles. I was expecting more."

Bianca approached one of the small treats and touched its metallic bark. "I would say that it’s because of what we are."

"Huh? What do you mean, Bianca?"

She looked to the skies and sniffed the air. "I think the fact that neither of us is alive makes things easier. There seems to be something mixed in the air. Something I cannot figure out. Maybe that is what they use their mana for?"

Elian thought for a moment and nodded. Even the two dungeons they cleared had their own gimmick. The curse of compromise intentionally lobotomized the Flame Swallows into obedience. For the Snow Wolves, there was a curse that halved their stats.

"Then whatever is in the air is supposed to affect us? Like pollen or an aerosol poison of some sort?"

"I have never been here, so I wouldn’t know. We should have brought someone else. Like Yearns or maybe Mom," Bianca added as she placed her fingertip on her chin.

However, Elian shook his head.

"Nah, that is fine. We can learn. Besides, I want to be alone with you. I miss the times when it was just the two of us."

The witch blushed and turned around. Elian made a small chuckle and shifted from his golem form to his human one. In a moment of tenderness, he gently wrapped his arms around Bianca’s waist and kissed her neck.

"Mmm..."

Rather than shout and scream like before, Bianca accepted Elian’s advances and shivered under his caress. She held Elian’s arms around her waist while touching his cheek with her fingertip.

"You are becoming more lecherous by the day, you horny beast. You’re going to pounce on me while I sleep, aren’t you?" she whispered with pursed lips.

But the Tyrant nuzzled his face into her hair and answered, "Not until I secure a body for you. Once I do, forget about being able to rest."

"Oh, my. What do you intend to do to this poor little me?"

Elian turned Bianca’s body and raised her up by her waist. Looking into her eyes, he kissed her softly as he challenged, "What do you think?"

Bianca said nothing and only bit her lip. The two were about to continue locking lips when the forest of steel trees around them moved. Like warriors prepared for battle, the ironwood treants walked wobbly toward the intruder.

"Uhm, should I come back again?" a young voice chirped.

Elian raised his hand, and the sea of trees all knelt. A beautiful woman with pink hair and risqué armor that left hardly anything to the imagination appeared.

It didn’t take a moment for Bianca to raise both her hands and cover Elian’s eyes. At the same time, there was a freezing layer of frost that suddenly covered Golem Lake.

"Bianca?"

"Look at her and you’re in trouble," Bianca snapped. "As for you, you scantily clad, bark-infested tramp. Cover up before I set you on fire."

The woman gasped, "Ah, my apologies, I will do that now." Like flowers budding from a ripe seed, the intruder’s feminine parts were covered up by bushes that sprang out of her armor. While it hid her modesty better, it still was quite lewd compared to Bianca’s outfit.

"Tsk. I guess that will have to do. Who are you, and why are you here?"

Elian slowly lowered Bianca’s hands and saw the pretty female in front of him. Knowing that her irritation probably stemmed from jealousy and possessiveness, the Tyrant hugged his lover from behind.

She can be butt naked, and I will still find you sexier, Bianca.

Her angry, telegraphic reply came soon after. "Hmph! Do you really expect me to be threatened by this over-sexualized garden plant? The nerve!"

Yet Elian felt her hands grip tighter around his arm and shoulder. Her ears also grew flushed, and her heartbeat drummed faster. Unable to stop himself, Elian drew nearer and planted a soft kiss on her right ear.

If you say so, my love.

"Uhm, my name is She Who Blooms in the Summer. Please call me Blooms, as I know humans have difficulty with long names. I am a Dryad of Karnathi. I have come at the command of our Tyrant; he wishes to meet you."

At the newcomer’s reply, Elian looked at her and grew surprised.

"You, you were among the spies I killed a week ago, right? How are you still alive?"

Blooms frantically nodded her head and apologized.

"Ah yes! I am sorry for not dying! That was my offshoot! It would be similar to my hair or nails in human terms. It was part of me but doesn’t actually have sentience."

At her answer, Elian tightened his hug around Bianca. "It seems we have much to discuss."

Updated from fr𝒆ewebnov𝒆l.(c)om