My Stepbrother, My Enemy {BL}-Chapter 186: A Break (BC)
The words hung between us like smoke from a fire I’d just started, thick and suffocating, impossible to blow away. Ethan paused, his hand halfway to his mouth, the pepperoni pizza slice drooping slightly, cheese stretching in a thin, reluctant strand. His beautiful blue eyes, usually so warm and easy to read, widened for just a moment before something clicked shut behind them, like a light going off in a room where I’d always felt welcome.
"A break?" he echoed, his voice quieter than I’d ever heard it, almost cautious, as if saying it too loudly could cause it to shatter. He lowered the pizza back onto the paper plate, wiping his fingers slowly on a napkin, even though there was hardly any grease on them. "Noah... what do you mean by that?"
My throat felt raw, like I’d swallowed sand. I focused on the red-and-white checkered tablecloth, tracing its pattern with my eyes because meeting his gaze felt impossible. The pizza place buzzed with warmth and laughter from nearby families, the clatter of trays, the hiss of the soda machine—but everything felt muted, like I was underwater, and he was on the surface.
"I mean..." I began, then hesitated, forcing myself to breathe. "I need some time. Space. To sort things out."
The words felt bitter and wrong, but they were the closest I could get to the truth without completely breaking apart. I couldn’t tell him how my heart raced whenever Adrien walked in, couldn’t admit I’d been pretending not to notice how my eyes followed him when I thought no one was watching. Ethan didn’t deserve that kind of honesty—not when I barely understood it myself.
He leaned back against the red vinyl booth, the playful light that had been in his eyes when he first sat down now completely vanished. His basketball jersey was still damp from practice, hair tousled in that effortlessly handsome way that used to make my stomach flip. Now it just made my chest ache.
"Figure things out," he repeated, nodding slowly like he was testing the phrase. "Okay. So... is this about the party? What happened that night?"
His voice remained even, but I could hear the strain beneath it—he was working hard to keep it steady.
I shook my head too quickly. "No, not exactly."
That wasn’t a lie, and we both knew it. But the party had been the crack that widened into this chasm, the moment I realized I couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine. But I couldn’t say that either.
Ethan’s gaze searched my face, gentle and thorough, the same way he looked at me when I was upset about a bad grade or a fight with my mom—like he genuinely believed he could fix whatever was bothering me if he just tried hard enough. That look made everything worse.
"Noah," he said softly, reaching across the table to cover my hand with his. His palm was warm and familiar, calloused from hours on the court. "Talk to me. Please. Whatever it is, we can work through it together. We always have."
My fingers twitched beneath his, wanting to curl around his hand and hold on, wanting to say I was joking and that I loved him and only him always would. But the image of Adrien’s green eyes flashed behind mine, uninvited and undeniable, and I gently pulled my hand away, folding both in my lap.
"I’m not... I’m not sure we can this time," I whispered. My voice cracked on the last word, and I hated how small I sounded. "I’ve been feeling confused lately. About a lot of things. It wouldn’t be fair to you if I stayed in this relationship while I’m trying to figure it all out."
Ethan’s jaw tightened slightly, and he looked down at the table, thumb rubbing slow circles on the edge of his soda cup. The silence stretched, heavy and uncomfortable, and I thought I might scream just to break it.
Finally, he spoke in a low voice. "Is there someone else?" 𝚏𝕣𝐞𝗲𝐰𝕖𝐛𝐧𝕠𝕧𝚎𝚕.𝐜𝚘𝗺
The question hit me like a slap. I opened my mouth, closed it, my heart pounding so hard I could hear it. I wanted to say no, to assure him there was no way I could even think that. But the lie stuck in my throat, thick and impossible.
"I...it’s not like that," I finally lied, which wasn’t really an answer.
I hoped he believed me, because there was no way I had the strength to get into all that right now...
The silence that followed felt so fragile, I thought it might snap and hurt us both. Ethan’s slice of pizza lay forgotten on the plate, cheese congealing into a pale, waxy skin. His warm eyes, which had looked at me like I was something special for the past four months, were now filled with confusion and something deeper—fear.
"Did... did I do something wrong?" he asked, his voice low and careful, as if afraid of the answer. He leaned forward, elbows on the table, fingers laced together so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Are you sure it wasn’t the party? Because I got there late and left you alone with Jace and those other bastards? Noah, if that’s what it is, I swear—"
"No," I interrupted, the word escaping sharper than I intended. My hands shot up between us like I could physically push the idea away. "No, Ethan, it’s not that...I told you. It has nothing to do with the party or the guys or you being late. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve never done anything wrong."
He searched my face, waiting for more, and I felt the tears I’d been holding back start to burn at the corners of my eyes. I swallowed hard, forcing myself to continue.
"You’ve been amazing to me," I said, my voice trembling despite my effort to keep it steady. "These past four months... being with you has been the easiest, happiest thing I’ve ever known. I really loved it. I really love you."
The confession slipped out raw and aching, because it was still true, even now, even with everything else tangled up inside me. "And that’s why I’m doing this."
