My Fated Mate Can Have Her-Chapter 257: An Uncomfortable Realisation

Violet

I sat very still, my mind racing.

It was very hard for me to accept what she was saying, but the more I remained in my thoughts, the more it spiralled. I never thought anyone could read me that easily, and just how much exactly had I let show? I thought I had been careful.

But if Bei and Ana and Corin could see it...

"I might sound presumptuous," Nessa continued, her voice softening. "And I don’t pretend to know what is happening in your life, or what burdens you carry. But not bottling everything up like this would help you to ease in a while." She gestured vaguely at the pond. "Especially in a place like this. You should let yourself relax. Stop stewing in your thoughts and feelings so intensely."

She turned to face me fully, and her expression was earnest now, stripped of its usual playfulness.

"I truly would like to be friends with you, Violet." She paused, and a hint of her usual smile returned. "And as Rowan’s mate, you would be our future ruler. It would be wise to get into your good graces early."

The words suddenly made me uncomfortable.

Future ruler and Rowan’s mate...

Kael’s face surfaced in my mind, and something in my chest twisted painfully. I wasn’t... I hadn’t chosen anyone yet... And I wasn’t even sure who’s future I would be a part of.

Nessa noticed the shift in my expression and I felt uncomfortable seeing her knowing smile.

She rose from the bench, smoothing her skirts with practiced grace.

"I will be available if you ever wish to talk," she said. "About anything. Or nothing at all." She tucked her fan into the sash at her waist. "And if you would like, I could introduce you to some of the other young ladies of the capital. There is a whole society here you haven’t seen yet. Both within the castle and beyond its walls."

She inclined her head slightly, a gesture of respect that felt oddly genuine.

"Think about it."

Then she turned and walked away, leaving me alone to stare at the pond.

The water was calm and reflecting the leaves and sky above.

But inside me, everything was churning.

[ - ]

I had a restless night, and when I woke up, it was still pitch dark.

My chest felt tight and my eyes were burning.

I laid there for a moment, staring at nothing, my heart pounding with a heaviness I couldn’t name.

I sat up slowly, my legs swinging over the edge of the bed.

I leaned forward and cradled my head in my hands.

My chest felt so heavy and hollow at the same time.

Nessa’s words wouldn’t leave me alone, and it was only worse with nothing else to keep me occupied.

And I felt too drained to focus on the documents earlier.

I didn’t understand.

She said a whole lot of nonsense even if it sounded reasonable, but I knew deep down she was telling the truth.

I had built walls without even realising I was building them. But how was that any fault of mine?

I had grown up living in survival mode.

She knew nothing about what I have been through!

A bitter taste rose in my throat.

I resented her for this.

For making me aware of something I barely even noticed. It had never bothered me this much.

The fact that I had always been so alone.

Even when surrounded by people who cared about me, I had been alone. By choice. By habit. By fear.

The tears came before I could stop them.

They slipped down my cheeks silently at first, then faster, blurring my vision until I couldn’t see the floor beneath my feet. A sob caught in my throat, and I pressed my hands harder against my face, trying to hold it in, trying to keep quiet.

But it wouldn’t stop.

The hollow ache in my chest cracked open, and everything I had been holding back came pouring out.

Again.

Kael crossed my mind. He was so caring. Difficult at first, but very understanding. And the way I had left with things barely even developing.

And Rowan. Patient, gentle Rowan, who kept reaching for me even when I pulled away. At times, annoying, he would always find a way to stick by my side.

In one way or another, I had kept them at arm’s length, just like I did with everyone else.

And the worst part was that I didn’t even know how to stop.

When had I ever had a proper moment to breathe? When had I ever been allowed to simply exist without running, hiding, and without some new crisis demanding my attention?

And now there were two mate bonds I never even asked for, a past I never knew existed haunting me, and a history that has left me broken in ways I was only now beginning to understand.

When was it ever going to stop?

The sobs came harder now, shaking my shoulders, and stealing my breath. I curled forward, my forehead nearly touching my knees, and I wept.

I hated this.

I was so lost in my own sorrow that I didn’t notice the presence until it was already there.

A hand touched my back.

I stiffened, my breath catching in my throat. My syzygy had been so muted and drowned by my own grief, that I hadn’t sensed anyone approaching.

Before I could react, arms wrapped around me.

I was pulled into an embrace so sudden and enveloping that my face pressed directly into something soft and warm.

Massive breasts.

I almost couldn’t breathe. Any more pressure and I would be suffocating.

But the arms around me were gentle. The hands that settled on my back moved in slow, soothing strokes. And from somewhere above my head, I heard a quiet, wordless hum.

It took me a moment to understand what was happening.

Why was Rowan’s mother hugging me?

She was holding me without any question and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was doing this because she mistook me for Rowan...