My Dungeon Daddy System: Raising Monsters and Waifus Underground-Chapter 90 – DIPLOMATIC VICTORY

Kaelen charged.

She didn’t move with the grace of a duelist or the stealth of a rogue. She moved like a freight train made of jealousy and authoritative confusion. Her metal boots clanged against the floor tiles, shaking the bottles on the shelf.

"Unhand the Heretic!" Kaelen roared, crossing the lobby in three strides. "He requires Mandatory Purification! And I have the permit!"

Isolde, currently lost in the sauce of Reed’s Void aura, looked up. Her eyes narrowed. She didn’t see an Inquisitor. She saw competition.

"Get in line, Shiny," Isolde hissed, not letting go of Reed’s collar. "I found him first. I claimed the loot."

"He is not loot!" Kaelen grabbed Isolde’s shoulder with a gauntleted hand. "He is a Hazard! A Class-A Mana Hazard that must be contained! By me! With my body!"

She yanked Isolde backward.

Isolde spun, her duelist reflexes kicking in even through the haze. She didn’t draw her weapon (it was on the floor), so she used what she had... She slapped Kaelen.

SMACK.

It wasn’t a damaging blow, but the sound echoed through the room.

Kaelen gasped, touching her cheek. Her eyes began to glow with golden light.

"Oh," Kaelen breathed, her voice dropping to a dangerous whisper. "You want to wrestle? I love wrestling. The friction is... divine."

She tackled Isolde.

The two women hit the floor in a tangle of limbs, leather, and plate mail. It wasn’t a fight to the death. It was a fight for dominance. They rolled across the plush rug, knocking over a table.

"He’s mine!" Isolde growled, trying to put Kaelen in a headlock. "I need the battery! I need the juice!"

"He belongs to the Dungeon Authority!" Kaelen yelled, pinning Isolde’s leg. "I am conducting a deep-tissue exorcism!"

Reed watched from the bar, rubbing his neck. "This is getting out of hand."

"It’s getting profitable," Vesper corrected, refilling her glass. "I’d pay double for a front-row seat to Paladin vs. Speedrunner: Mud Wrestling Edition."

Reed looked around. The lobby was total chaos.

Vala was now trying to climb Bertha like a tree, murmuring about "high ground."

Elise was wearing Luma like a hat.

Kaelen and Isolde were rolling toward the slot machines.

And amidst the madness, a small shadow moved.

Riva.

The Harpy dropped from the chandelier. She was wearing her "Sheriff Badge," but her eyes were fixed on the floor.

Specifically, on the pile of S-Rank gear that the Gilded Rose had discarded in their lust-fueled haze.

Isolde’s enchanted rapier. Vala’s tower shield (which was encrusted with rubies). Elise’s staff (tipped with a massive sapphire).

"Shiny," Riva whispered, vibrating.

She hopped over to the rapier. She looked left. She looked right. Kaelen was currently biting Isolde’s arm. No one was watching.

Yoink.

Riva grabbed the rapier with her talons. It was heavy, but greed gave her strength. She hopped over to the shield. Too big. But the rubies?

Pluck. Pluck.

She used her talons to pry a gemstone loose.

"Riva is rich," the bird muttered, stuffing the gem into her vest. "Riva is Queen of the Shinies."

She looked at Reed. Reed saw her.

He didn’t stop her. He made a "shhh" motion with his finger.

Riva winked. She grabbed Elise’s staff and flew up into the rafters, vanishing into the darkness with enough loot to buy a small castle.

"Asset forfeiture," Reed murmured. "Taxation."

He turned his attention back to the brawl on the floor. It was de-escalating. The initial rush of the spores was fading into a heavy, lethargic comedown. Isolde and Kaelen weren’t fighting anymore; they were just aggressively cuddling on the rug, exhausted.

"Okay," Reed clapped his hands. "Show’s over!"

He grabbed a pitcher of ice water from the bar.

SPLASH.

He dumped it over the pile of women on the floor.

"GAH!" Kaelen sputtered, sitting up. Her hair was plastered to her face. The cold shock snapped her out of the haze.

"Wha... what?" Isolde blinked, wiping water from her eyes. She looked at Kaelen, who she was currently straddling. She looked at Reed. She looked at the pink smoke dissipating near the ceiling.

The memories rushed back.

Isolde’s face turned a color that defied nature. It was purple.

"I..." Isolde stammered, scrambling backward. "I didn’t... I would never..."

"You did," Reed said, crossing his arms. He leaned against the bar, trying to look authoritative despite his own disheveled state. "You engaged in unauthorized intimacy with the staff. And the furniture. And a Paladin."

"I..." Isolde looked at Vala, who was currently asleep in Bertha’s arms, snoring. She looked at Elise, who was blowing bubbles in a slime puddle.

She looked at her empty scabbard.

"Where is my sword?" Isolde panicked.

"Confiscated," Reed lied smoothly. "As collateral. You caused significant emotional damage to my slime. And you disrupted the business."

He pulled out a blank receipt from his pocket (Maira always left spares). He grabbed a quill.

"Now," Reed said, channeling his inner Maira. "We can handle this one of two ways, Lady Isolde."

Isolde flinched. She was an S-Rank warrior. She could kill a dragon. But she couldn’t kill the shame of having tried to seduce a Dungeon Lord while high on mushrooms in front of an Inquisitor.

"Option A," Reed continued. "I report this to the Guild. I tell them the ’Gilded Rose’ got defeated by a mood light and a gas leak. Your reputation is ruined. The bards will sing about it for a century. ’The Ballad of the Thirsty Rose’."

Isolde made a strangled noise. "Option B. Please. Option B."

"Option B," Reed smiled. "We call this a ’Premium Experience.’ You didn’t invade; you purchased the ’Euphoria Package’. It includes the gas, the massage", he pointed at Bertha, "and the emotional release."

He scribbled a number on the paper. It was a big number.

"You pay the bill. You sign a non-aggression pact. And you get a Membership Card."

"Membership?" Isolde blinked.

"For the gas," Reed said. "You saw how it made you feel, the bomb can give massive euforia."

Isolde nodded slowly. "They were... potent."

"We are the only suppliers. If you sign, your Clan gets exclusive buying rights. You get the potions. You get the buffs. And you get to come back here whenever you want to... relax."

Isolde looked at him. She looked at Kaelen, who was red with embarrassment and her face her hands nearby.

She realized something. She felt good. Embarrassed, yes. But the stress of the road, the tension of leadership... it was gone. The spores had wiped it clean.

She stood up. She straightened her leather jacket. She tried to summon her dignity.

"Exclusive rights?" Isolde asked.

"Top of the list."

"Fine," Isolde snapped. She grabbed the receipt. She didn’t even look at the total (3,000 Gold). She signed it with a flourish of mana.

"But we never speak of the... hugging," Isolde hissed. "Especially the part where I licked your hand."

"I have already forgotten it," Reed promised.

"Good." Isolde whistled sharply.

"Vala! Elise! Rally!"

Vala woke up, looking confused. She patted Bertha’s arm. "Soft and stiff," she muttered, stumbling to her feet.

Elise extracted herself from Luma, looking disappointed. "Bye, squishy."

The Gilded Rose gathered their remaining gear (minus the items Riva stole, which Isolde assumed were lost in the ’fog of war’). They marched toward the door with as much dignity as they could muster.

Isolde paused at the exit. She looked back at Reed.

Her cheeks were still pink.

"The potion," she said. "The one you were brewing. Does it... always make you smell like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like trouble," she smirked. "Next time, Janitor... keep the sword. I might come back for it."

She winked. And then she was gone.

Reed slumped against the bar.

"I need a drink," Reed groaned.

"You need a lawyer," Kaelen muttered from the floor, pulling her knees to her chest. "I just wrestled a speedrunner. I think I liked it. Am I excommunicated?"

"Not yet," Reed offered her a hand. "Come on, Inquisitor. Let’s get you some coffee. We survived."

Vesper clinked her glass against the bottle.

"To capitalism," the Shadow Broker laughed. "And pheromones."

[QUEST COMPLETE: CLAN INVASION]

[Result: DIPLOMATIC VICTORY]

[Gold Acquired: 3,000 G]

[Loot Acquired (Riva): S-Rank Rapier, Gems, Staff]

[Reputation: THE GILDED ROSE (Neutral -> Customer)]

[Current Gold Total: ~5,800 G]