My Alleged Husband-Chapter 698 - 668: A Sorrowful Life_1
"Children, you have never experienced the kind of life I lived before, and to me, that life was filled with sadness. I don’t know how to express myself, but the truth is I’ve lived a truly sad existence. My life has always been immersed in sorrow. The life I wanted, I couldn’t have; the person I loved left me; the affection I desired ultimately slipped away. All that I’ve done has been meaningless. I want to ask why fate is so merciless to me. I only wanted you to live in your happiness; why wouldn’t heaven grant me a chance to live joyfully, even just once? Is it really that hard?"
In fact, I know some things are incomparable, some events occur and cannot be changed. I’ve always hoped that time could be reversed, even if it meant enduring every excruciating cost. Just to turn back time and return to those happy moments by his side, I would pay any price. But in the end, how did the heavens respond to my repeated pleas amidst thunder and lightning?
In the end, I still didn’t get the result I wanted. My life has been filled with sadness, and I don’t know how to escape this mournful existence. Time and again, I’ve implored the heavens for one chance, but time and again, they’ve driven me to desperation. I don’t understand what I must do to make everything as it was before. My life has been filled with pain. What have these repeated heartaches brought me? I don’t understand."
Ran Zhihan could relate to his mother’s description of life; his was just as saddening. He had never truly felt joy, and although the time spent with his husband had been happy and blissful, it was ultimately lost. He did not know the impact his actions would have on the people he cared about. He knew he had lost all the happiness he could have had, and it was all due to his own faults, making everything so tragically sad. Now, he was doomed to live in a deep abyss of suffering, with no way to change it. How could he not feel heartbroken, how could he live as happily as before?
"I’ve said it many times, I won’t resent you for anything you’ve done in the past, because I know hate blinds a person’s heart, it numbs you. So, I don’t want to hate you. I just want our family to live happily and peacefully. Maybe this request is too hard for you, but I truly want it simple. A simple life is the most enduring. I don’t know how much I’ve missed, but I do know that the pain I’ve felt time and again makes it impossible for me to face the same happiness as before. I’ve lost so much, just like you lost your first boyfriend, and I’ve lost the happy family I could have had. Your suffering carries so many bitter memories, while my suffering is caused by you. When have you, as parents, ever cared about my feelings?
Who among you knows how aggrieved my life has been? I just want to live a stable life, but you shattered my last bit of hope last year. You never thought about giving me happiness, but kept ruining it time after time. Do you really think this is best? By hurting me, you ruined what could have been a happy family. What in your heart is more important than the joy of your own child? I lost the one I loved most and watched helplessly as they walked away. Do you understand how desolate that feels? It’s not just about feeling helpless; it’s about feeling like your life suddenly lost all its color. Who can understand that feeling? During those countless lonely, helpless nights, I missed him, wept at the sight of his photograph. I’m not sure how many times I cried, I only know my heart aches so much it feels like I can’t breathe!"
"Child, how could I not understand the feelings you speak of? My heart hurts just the same. I too wish I could simply stay by his side, content without any other joy. Do you know? When he was with me, his smile was genuine; I could feel it. Every day he spent with me, he smiled truly from the heart, a smile no one could fake. I felt his sincerity towards me, but due to my actions, I disappointed him over and over, driving him to complete despair and he rightfully chose to leave. I can’t reflect on what path my life should have taken. I only know I’ve missed my chance with him, and I’ll never have the opportunity to live happily with him again. I’m willing to pay with my life for all my mistakes, if only he would come back and glance at me, just once.
Many see my love as lowly, that in my abasement I would give up my own life—that precious life—just to be with him, to see him one last time. Is my love not humble enough, not devout enough? Yet why couldn’t he see my love? He only saw the hurt I caused. Can hurt truly blind a person? Sometimes, I really want to ask myself what have I done, to make a man who loved me so deeply leave me? I’m not sure how incompetent I was, how much I hurt him. I’ve reflected on my actions time and again, but in the end, I’m left with a result that brings me unbearable pain, a result that I’ll never be able to forget.
Just as you said, night after night, I miss him. Like you, I don’t just cry at his photograph; I reminisce about every corner we’ve walked hand in hand, even the smallest gesture reminds me of the bitterness within. I cannot fathom to what extent I have loved him..."
