My Alleged Husband-Chapter 1695 - 1489: Divergence

For you, I exhausted all my strength to forget, because of you, I never knew what it felt like to be heart-to-heart with someone else, yet because of you, my life became a shameful void.

Looking back on the years since you left, I don’t know how to recall or describe your tenderness. Thinking about how I destroyed all the good we had, I wish you could return to my side, but where are you really? I’ve searched every corner of the earth but never found a trace of you.

I don’t know what to compare you to so that it would be considered the most special. My feelings for you grow stronger by the day. Now I just want you back by my side, but I’m not entirely sure, I can only make decisions based on my instincts.

Actually, everyone who has come this far has things they fear. Every step is haunted by the ghosts of past pains.

Perhaps everyone has encountered different things, but they ultimately reach where they are meant to be. No one stays the same, waiting where they once were, and no one would ever care for you the way they used to. For the rest of one’s life, the only reliable person is oneself. Putting all hopes into others will only yield the most painful outcomes. No one will foolishly care for you as before; no one would sacrifice everything, even life, for you.

Once, everyone might have considered sacrificing everything for the one they loved the most, even at all costs. But when you finally realize, no matter all you’ve given up for them, they will never truly care. To them, you mean nothing. They could abandon you over trivial matters or utterly forsake you over unnecessary things. Everyone has their aims and their paths to take. Who wouldn’t fear facing the pain and torment they’ve dreaded most?

I can never forget all the pain I endured; I’ve always believed that surviving the storms would lead to happiness. But eventually, I realized it was all a fantasy. No one waits at the same spot forever, offering a sturdy shoulder. He will drag you down repeatedly. When I think back to what my parents once said to me, I’m still scared, especially that day...

"Dad, Mom, I’ve thought countless times about the situations I might encounter. But today, I’ve figured it out. No matter what difficulties I face, I won’t give up. He is deep inside my heart, the most important person to me. I once hurt him deeply; I can’t recall why I acted that way, causing irreversible pain. He may never forgive me in this lifetime.

Dad, Mom, if one day I must choose an outcome that hurts me, I hope the one hurt is me, not him. Now that he’s gone, I realize how deeply I love him. I’d pay any price for him, but now I have nothing. My once happy family is shattered. I’m unsure how to walk the future path or what responsibilities I should bear. I never imagined becoming who I am today."

When time feels dull at midnight, one person is left on the streets, and I am one of that crowd.

I know I’m merely exchanging loneliness with everyone. When I quietly have a chance to sit behind you, I push you away.

I guess our love has reached its end, with nothing left to say, which tortures more than arguing.

So you chose to let go, leaving me to live alone. Your hands no longer hold me tight, allowing me to fall cleanly without anyone caring.

I wish I could also let you live alone. Even knowing there’s no result, we relaxed and left a witness. Every promise made during love shouldn’t be forced after loving.

I don’t want us to live separately, recalling the loneliness added to loneliness. That was when love burned us both. Now silence added to silence only deepens it, erasing any reluctance.

When I walk alone on the street, your silhouette fills my mind, every word you ever said, every expression etched deeply in my memory.

What mistakes have I made to force you to heartlessly leave me? We loved so deeply once; what caused us to end up here? Have you truly abandoned me alone? Have you truly ceased to hold me tightly with both hands?

After I leave, can you genuinely be happy and joyful alone? If I truly let your hand go, allowing you to live alone, will you genuinely be happy?

Now when I reminisce alone, it’s all moments I can’t accompany you after unintentionally hurting me once again. This time, it’s my pathetic sense of existence that turns you into the stab of bias that pains me.

You must believe that no matter when or where, I’ll always foolishly be behind you. Maybe friends are just excuses to stay, but you must believe, my love for you is that simple, simply relying on you.

You will never understand how much pain my deep love hides, how desperately I hope to become a habit you cherish.

Once again, we have a falling-out, once again your tears slide down your cheeks. When your turning away leaves a lonely figure, always believing you wouldn’t go, yet you still left.

If Heaven would give me another chance, how could I bear hurting you so? If Heaven would grant me another chance, how could I bear to let you leave my side? You are the love of my life. I hope when I see you again, no one else is with you. I wish you just stormed out angrily, but the person you love remains me.

But I understand now, the greatest sorrow is parting from those we shouldn’t have, leaving ourselves alone to endure... but it’s already too late...