My Alleged Husband-Chapter 1462 - 1256: The Price of Emotional Investment

The happy life always turns into happiness through pain again and again, how painful it is if you shed blood just to fulfill a long-cherished wish.

"Child, you have never experienced what it feels like to have death looming over you. I’m scared, do you know how I have endured these years? I don’t want that feeling to suffocate me again. I’ve had enough of it. Maybe you think my thoughts are foolish and naive. If I had known this would be the ending, I wouldn’t have chosen to live this way. But doesn’t everyone make mistakes? Does a mistake I’ve made mean I’ll never be forgiven and have to endure others’ scolding and humiliation all my life?

I know you have a lot of resentment towards me in your heart, I understand, but please, considering I’ve worked so hard so I’m not just living an ordinary life, consider my feelings.

I don’t really know how to talk to you about what I felt during that time. I can tell you all about my emotions from that day now."

...

"Zhentian, if there is a next life, I would still be willing to live it with you, because you’re truly a good man. But right now, I can’t keep living with you. The paths we’ve chosen have already determined what kind of ending we’ll face in the future, so I don’t want that ending to embarrass us even more at that time.

Anyway, today is the last time we’ll meet, so listen to my inner thoughts. When I first met you, seeing you, my heart skipped a beat. I knew at that moment I was deeply fallen into your heart, and there was no way to change that for a lifetime.

But later, I realized, even though I love you so much, I am nothing in your heart. I don’t know why you chose to be with me back then, but when I was with you, it was not because of your money, your family background, or your status. If I cared about those, I could have been with a man better off a thousand times over than you, but I didn’t do that. I know I’m just a common citizen’s daughter; I can’t match with the wealthy family’s daughters. So I couldn’t combine with you on equal terms. Your father initially opposed us being together, and at that time, I was disheartened. I never thought my path of love would be so rough. But when I saw you standing up against your father for me, I realized you really loved me, whether that love was genuine or had other motives, it comforted my heart. From that moment, I didn’t ask for much; I just hoped the one I loved would unconditionally give for me, love me, treat me sincerely as his own, and genuinely include me in his life plan.

Although the decisions we made back then were truly unbelievable, thinking back now, the youth, the wildness during that time, wasn’t it a precious memory for us? Looking back, I was really happy. Thank you for leaving me so many memories. These memories are undeniable facts of this life, always remaining in my heart. I won’t forget, though I can’t control whether or not you’ll forget me. You might turn around and forget, but I won’t. From the start, I sincerely loved you, yet you chose to use me. You don’t need to bother explaining anything now. My intuition was accurate. I knew you were using me, yet I still followed without hesitation. Even in the end, knowing I’d be hurt by you, I recklessly stayed with you. I only wished to be with you, asking for nothing else. But ultimately, what did you repay me with? Disbelief and suspicion. What use is this marriage to me? It’s better to end early; it wasn’t the happiest marriage for either of us. In those days, I don’t know if you were genuinely happy, but I was really happy. My heart’s happiest moments were in those years and those ages, where you could give up everything at home for me and wander the world with me, homeless. I’m very grateful. This gratitude for things I can’t repay in this life, I know you lost a lot. Because of that loss, I can’t make it up to you, but I hope you understand. Since you’ve decided, don’t think about reconciling with me, as that’s an unrealistic thought...

I’ve said everything I needed to; think about what you want to say. Anyway, today is the last time we meet, and if you don’t say it now, you won’t have the chance again."

Zhang Zhentian knew every word Xia Jing said was true. He knew if this woman hid and didn’t want to see him, even if he searched the ends of the earth, he wouldn’t find her. Her power backing was so strong, more powerful than he could make disappear; he could only comply. So he had to seize the chance to express himself; otherwise, he wouldn’t have any time left.

"Perhaps you think I wasn’t with you out of love but for some ulterior motive, but I can assure you I was with you without a guilty heart. I still love you without you, and only after you left did I realize this love isn’t something you can just forget. But I must bear the consequences of my mistakes, not always pushing the blame on you, making you the scapegoat. I know every decision I made back then really hurt you, but you didn’t leave me. You stayed by my side through everything, and for that, I’m deeply comforted. Knowing these things were unfair to you, yet I never stood out to speak for you, never stood in your shoes to consider anything, that was my failure as a husband and my biggest failing as a man. I won’t be like before. Perhaps you can forget me, but once I figure out what I want inside and what life I want in the future, I realized I’m not someone who just chases profit. I can give up all interests for my love. Before, I could use any means for love, and now I can still give up everything for the one I love. I don’t care for money, status, fame, fortune, or control. I just care whether I can get the life I want, the life I want with you. If my desired life lacks you, it won’t be perfect. I believe through my efforts, I can still find you back, to create my perfect life. I hope you can wait for the day I find you. No matter where you go, even to the ends of the earth, I will find you until the end, even if I die trying, even if I never see you in the end, I’ll still have no regrets.

I seek nothing, want nothing, only for when I find you, you don’t give me despair again. I just want you with me. If you give me despair again, I’ll truly collapse. My life can’t bear such ups and downs any longer. I’ve realized my mistakes, and the despair you’ve given me has made me deeply realize the arrival of death. I know that despair makes me fear!"

Shadows can completely collapse a person, leaving no room to retreat.