Maybe a Fake Gintama-Chapter 595: Think About the Way You Speak a Little!

"No, it was definitely UMA that did this!" Kawaki stood up and spoke earnestly, pointing at Katsura nearby. "I mean, look at the wounds on his body! Those wounds from UMA, using needles... I mean, thumbtacks! Damn those UMA!"

"It's not a wig, it's Katsura!" Katsura corrected.

"Yeah, yeah!" Kagura nodded in agreement. "It's all the UMA's fault, right, Captain?"

"Yes, Captain." Katsura mimicked a female voice.

Seeing Shige Shige covered in wounds, Kondo clenched his fists, his face filled with anger. "Damn it, those UMA bastards! Shogun, please hang in there!"

At this moment, Shige Shige slowly opened his eyes and, upon seeing Kondo in front of him, weakly asked, "Where am I? Why am I in a place like this?"

"Hey… hey!" Kondo furrowed his brows, sounding concerned. "It seems like he's suffering from memory loss!"

"Kondo, what's going on?" Shige Shige raised his head, looking confused at Kondo in front of him. "Why am I..."

"Shogun-sama, did you forget?" Gintoki calmly began to explain, much to Kondo's shock and horror, "You led this group of idiots up this mountain to hunt UMA, but after following Bigfoot's tracks, you got caught in a snowstorm and got separated. Everyone here is suffering because of your antics."

As Gintoki spoke, Kawaki's face showed regret, and Shige Shige's expression suddenly changed. He stood up, faced the wall, and lowered his head in deep remorse.

"To think it was like this… Risking the lives of civilians for some trivial amusement…"

Seeing Shige Shige's face full of self-reproach, Kondo quickly tried to intervene: "No, it wasn't that…"

But before he could finish, Shige Shige interrupted him again.

"I don't deserve to stand above thousands…" With that, Shige Shige pushed open the cabin door and stepped outside, shouting to the sky, "Oh heavens! If this blizzard is my punishment, then please take my foolish life to appease it!"

"Alright, Shogun!" Katsura, mimicking a female voice again, shouted before being simultaneously kicked to the ground and stomped on by Gintoki and Kagura.

"This… this isn't the Shogun-sama's fault!" Kondo, his face grim, quickly shouted. "The weather in the mountains is unpredictable for amateurs!"

...

"Anyway, it's good that we're all reunited and safe," Kondo, now seated again, said. "Rescue will come eventually. Until then, we'll just have to endure in this dirty, rundown cabin."

"Hey, how about it?" Gintoki whispered to Hijikata and Kawaki beside him. "Thanks to me, everyone's crimes have been wiped clean. Remember to speak well of me when it's time for rewards, and Kawaki, I've also covered up all that woman's crimes, so make sure to have the money ready."

"It's basically all your fault!" Hijikata gritted his teeth, keeping his voice low, "And nothing is solved yet!"

"Shut up, Miss Angel Hair, Mr. Bunny Man," Kawaki replied indifferently. "If you're bored, go do ABC exercises with Mr. Bear Man over there."

"Who's Miss Angel Hair/Mr. Bunny Man, Exercise Big Brother?!" Hijikata and Gintoki both snapped simultaneously.

...

"Listen up, you guys, we can't move until the snow stops," Hijikata began to suggest. "Instead of acting recklessly, we should stay here and wait for rescue. But even though it's a cabin, it's full of holes, and the cold is just as bad as outside. If we fall asleep, we could die. We should huddle together for warmth and keep each other awake."

"What do you mean by huddling for warmth?" Sougo asked.

"Like packing buns together, huddle up for warmth," Hijikata explained. "The warmest spot is in the center, and that's where the Shogun should be, with the women and children around him. The men will form the outer layer. Alright, let's start with the women and children around the Shogun."

Upon hearing this, Tsukuyo, Otae, and Kagura exchanged glances before standing up and walking towards Shige Shige.

Seeing Shige Shige's expectant face and the two jets of excited breath coming from his nose, Gintoki commented, "Hey, the Shogun looks super excited, like he's thinking about something wicked."

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At that moment, noticing that Tsukuyo, Otae, and Kagura were huddled together, whispering something, Hijikata impatiently reminded them, "Hey, what are they doing? What's with the secret talk? Hurry up!"

"It smells awful, like milk wiped with an old rag, aru," Kagura whispered, looking disgusted.

"Kagura-chan, you shouldn't say things like that," Otae whispered, trying to remind her.

"It's just ordinary man stench; that's what most of the trash cans in Yoshiwara smell like," Tsukuyo whispered.

"It feels like I heard something I shouldn't have!" Hijikata muttered.

"Even so, you two are both tearing up, aru," Kagura pointed out.

"Stop saying that, Kagura-chan!" Otae whispered again, "There are things you can say and things you can't... ugh!"

Seeing Otae retching, Tsukuyo chimed in, "Just hold on a little longer, and it will pass. The Yoshiwara courtesans endure this every night… ugh!"

"Hey, I'm telling you, we can hear everything! The Shogun is hearing all your whispering!" Hijikata shouted in a low voice. "And that's not just a man stench! Not all men smell like that!"

"Uh…" Otae walked over to Hijikata, looking a bit troubled, and whispered, "It's probably the fur he's wearing. It's the old one left in the cabin. Can you ask him to take it off?"

"There's no way I can say that!" Hijikata whispered back in frustration. "We're supposed to be keeping warm now!"

But before Hijikata could finish, he suddenly noticed something—the Shogun had already taken off the bear fur and was now only wearing a pair of triangle briefs. Hijikata's face fell as he whispered in disbelief, "He already took it off! The Shogun has completely missed the point! He's trying to warm up in a completely different way!"

Hijikata turned to Tsukuyo and the others and said, "See, the Shogun has taken off the fur, so hurry up."

"Wait a minute," Gintoki suddenly said. "Don't you think… it still stinks?"

"Are you joking too?!" Hijikata shouted, "The fur's already off!"

"But was it really because of the fur?" Gintoki said, staring at the Shogun's crotch suspiciously before covering his nose in disgust. "The smell is even stronger than before."

"Rather than getting stronger, it's a different smell altogether, aru," Kagura commented.

"I… never knew…" Tsukuyo, now leaning against the wall and vomiting, turned around and mumbled, "I never knew this was the smell Yoshiwara courtesans faced every day…"

"No, this is just an isolated case," Kawaki said expressionlessly.

"You guys have had enough! The Shogun's down to his briefs; what could still be smelly?" Hijikata shouted.

Watching Shige Shige stretch and secretly sniff his armpit, Kondo couldn't help but whisper, "The Shogun is pretending to stretch but is actually checking his armpit smell! Stop it! Stop hurting him further!"

"There can only be one reason," Gintoki said, propping his chin up and casually analyzing the Shogun's remaining briefs. "The heat from wearing just briefs under the fur. So please take them off."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Hijikata instantly retorted. "Going completely naked in a blizzard is suicide…"

Before he could finish, Hijikata noticed something else—Shige Shige's triangle briefs had now turned into a mosaic, and he screamed, "Shogun——!! You haven't passed on your bloodline yet!"

"This is really gross; let's forget it, aru," Kagura said with a face of disgust.

Tsukuyo and Otae silently took a few steps away from Shige Shige.

"Do you want me to kill you guys?! You idiots!" Hijikata shouted in a low voice, his fists clenched in frustration. "It's because you guys kept complaining that he stripped naked! Go warm him up! The Shogun's body and soul are freezing!"

"You guys should stop. Enough with the smell and grossness," Sougo finally spoke up. "This isn't the time to be saying such things."

"It's really rude. Don't you know what being considerate is?" Shinpachi added, looking severe.

"There's no other way. Let's go first." With that, Sougo walked towards Shige Shige, and Shinpachi followed.

"Alright! That's better," Hijikata sighed in relief. "You guys go ahead and warm him up."

Stopping in front of Shige Shige, Shinpachi smiled a bit, "It's not smelly at all, it's just a man's scent…"

As soon as they said that, Shinpachi and Sougo bent over and started retching.

Σ_(」∠)ugh...

"Shogun-sama! You're free to cut them all down!" Kondo shouted, unable to bear it any longer.

"S-Sorry, China Girl." Sougo wiped the drool from his mouth, looking up with a grim expression as he spoke to Kagura.

"Glad you understand, aru," Kagura replied without turning around.

"Understand what?!" Hijikata shouted again, "Why choose this moment to be honest?"

"You… need to stop," Kawaki suddenly said, furrowing his brow tightly as he turned to Hijikata, "From the start, you've been going on and on about stinkiness, grossness, wanting to puke, and not being able to bear it. You hope Shogun-sama leaves the cabin soon; you definitely don't want to be in the same cabin with him…"