Living Only For Myself: Make Those Who Hate Me Regret It-Chapter 64 - 63: Not Everyone Is a Monster Like Xi Zirong
Xu Su’s voice was calm, sounding almost ruthless to Xi Zirong’s ears.
Struck by her sudden words, the boy was left completely flustered. After a long moment, he finally mumbled, "Why?"
Xu Su had been waiting patiently. Hearing his question, she pursed her lips and answered honestly, "I think we’ve gotten too close recently, Xi Zirong. I’ve told you before—I’m not interested in dating."
Panic filled Xi Zirong’s eyes. He reached out to grab her hand, but Xu Su quickly sidestepped him. 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝒆𝒘𝙚𝓫𝙣𝙤𝒗𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢
She frowned. "See? Getting touchy-feely has become a habit for you. Xi Zirong, what do you think we are? A couple? All this hand-holding and hugging."
The tall, long-legged boy paused, his outstretched hand frozen in the air for a moment before he pulled it back.
The look in Xi Zirong’s eyes slowly returned to calm. He looked at Xu Su in silence for a few seconds before attempting a smile, though it came out rather stiff. "Is it because I hugged you yesterday? I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again. Can you please not do this?"
The boy’s nervous and flustered state was truly affecting. Any other girl their age probably couldn’t have borne to disappoint him.
But he was facing Xu Su, who firmly believed that what she was doing now was for his own good.
Xu Su ignored his smile. "It’s not just because of that."
Her expression remained blank as she spoke. "Xi Zirong, stop liking me. Your feelings are putting too much pressure on me. I always feel like I’m hurting you, and that feeling only gets stronger the more time we spend together."
Xu Su had once thought that a teenage crush would be fleeting, but seeing Xi Zirong now, she had long since abandoned that idea.
’That’s why I have to distance myself from Xi Zirong as soon as possible. I can’t let him get in any deeper.’
’I already have Zhou Mochen clinging to me; what right do I have to get involved with anyone else? If that psycho finds out about Xi Zirong, who knows what he’ll do.’
’Besides, my only goal right now is to study hard.’
"I’m sorry." Xi Zirong couldn’t even maintain his stiff smile. Seemingly afraid she would just turn and walk away, he spoke in a rush, "It’s my fault. I won’t pressure you anymore. I won’t get touchy. You haven’t hurt me. I’ve been really happy lately. Please, can you not draw a line between us?"
It was an overcast day, and a cold wind swept past from time to time. Xu Su stood her ground, the biting wind stinging her face. But the irritation in her heart was even sharper than the pain on her skin.
’Why can’t any of them understand?’ She wanted to just walk away and be done with it, but seeing the verge-of-tears expression on Xi Zirong’s face, Xu Su couldn’t bring herself to say anything harsher.
She felt utterly helpless. "I’m not trying to draw a line between us. Didn’t I say we’re still good classmates? That’s what we’ve always been, isn’t it? Why are you acting as heartbroken as a couple breaking up in a TV drama?"
’Xu Su truly didn’t understand. She really, truly didn’t understand...’
"Was it because you were tutoring me that we got so close? Did that give you the wrong idea?" Xu Su turned her head, unwilling to look at him for fear she might soften. "Xi Zirong, what I’m saying is, I don’t need your one-on-one tutoring next semester. If there’s something I don’t understand, I’ll ask you. We’ll still be good classmates. Can you understand that?"
Language is just one method of human communication. Body language, facial expressions, and even the look in someone’s eyes can convey their intended meaning just as clearly.
Right now, for instance, Xi Zirong could tell from the girl’s words, her movements, and even the expression visible on her averted face that she was getting very impatient.
Impatient with his persistence.
’I should know better,’ Xi Zirong thought. ’I should take the hint and retreat to being just a regular classmate.’ She was right. The time they’d spent together had given him the wrong idea, making him believe their relationship was something more than that.
’So it was all a misunderstanding.’
The light in the boy’s eyes gradually faded. The two stood in a stalemate for a while.
Just as Xu Su thought he had finally understood and was about to leave, Xi Zirong asked, "Can we be friends, then?"
His voice was quiet, but Xu Su heard every word.
"..."
’I should just refuse, cold-heartedly,’ reason told Xu Su. ’Cut off all possible ties.’ But looking at the hopeful light in his eyes, and remembering how long he had tutored her, she just couldn’t bring herself to say they couldn’t even be friends.
After a moment of silence, Xu Su nodded. "We already are friends. But, Xi Zirong, please don’t pull something inexplicable like you did yesterday afternoon again. I really don’t like it."
’That feeling of being suddenly pulled into a hug and not being able to break free... I really hate it. I really, really, *really* hate it.’
Xi Zirong faltered, his eyes darting away. He said, slightly embarrassed, "I promise it won’t happen again. Really. I was just..."
Xu Su quickly held up a hand to stop him. "Don’t. I don’t want to hear it. I’m going back to the classroom. You can do what you want."
With that, she scurried away, afraid he might say something... sappy... about heartache or the like, and disrupt her unwavering resolve to study.
Watching her retreating figure, Xi Zirong stood rooted to the spot. After a long moment, he gave a resigned smile.
~~~~~~~~~~
After her last exam that afternoon, Xu Su waited at the foot of the academic building until Huang Feng and Qian Jia came down.
Xu Su asked for Huang Feng’s home phone number, jotted it down on a small slip of paper, and promised to call her during the break when she had time.
As for Qian Jia, she was a boarder, so she wouldn’t be able to go home until the next morning. She had to spend one more night at the school. Her family lived in a small town in a neighboring county and didn’t have a phone yet.
The next time they would see each other would be the sixth day of the Lunar New Year.
After spending a semester together, the three of them had grown quite close. They said their goodbyes, and then Xu Su left the school.
Zhou Mochen’s car was parked in the usual spot. Xu Su’s mood sank the moment she saw it in the distance.
’Honestly,’ she thought, ’I’d rather deal with ten Xi Zirongs than face one Zhou Mochen alone.’
’It was nothing personal. He was just a massive pain.’
The thought that this would be the last time she’d have to ride in his car this year was just enough to lift her spirits.
’In any case, things in this life are generally heading in a better direction.’
’See? This psycho is already acting much more normal than he did in my past life.’
Zhou Mochen watched the girl climb into the car, his expression softening. "How were your exams? Confident you’ll get the fifteen-hundred-yuan scholarship?"
’He’s a sharp one,’ she thought. ’He even knows I’m aiming for the top-tier scholarship.’
Xu Su shot him a look and said flatly, "We’ll find out when the semester starts. I know I did fine, but the other students are strong, too. What if someone else scored higher?"
The competition among the top scorers at City No.1 High School was fierce. Sometimes, a single point could make all the difference in the rankings.
’Getting into the top three of the grade isn’t that easy. Not everyone is a monster like Xi Zirong.’
