Limits-Chapter 21: Because Life is Such

When she saw me, she started crying. I thought to myself 'Well, it probably hurts her a lot' and asked "How do you feel?" I know it was a stupid question but I didn't know how else I could start the conversation. She started crying even more. I though 'Something's wrong here. I just asked her how she feels and yet she started crying more'

I said "I know it's painful but you have to bare with it. You are lucky anyway that I managed to treat you" I could then see astonishment on her bruised face as well as pain. She stopped crying a bit and answered "You treated me?" in response I nodded my head. She just said "Thank you" and cried again. This time I thought 'Something must really be wrong' It hurt her I assumed but she cried for another reason, so I asked "What happened?"

She started crying even more. I thought 'What the fuck did they do to her?' I decided to give her some time. After a while she calmed down a bit and said "They… They raped me". 'BOOM!' I could hear an explosion in my mind. 'This explains why she cries. Those villagers, they even went that far'. I didn't know what to say. What could I say? I knew that slaves don't have it easy but this.

She opened her mouth again and said "Kill me". My mind was shocked again. Kill her? Me? Kill her? I stood there bewildered. What was I supposed to do? Just kill her? I never tried killing another human being. I might want to spoil someone else's life but not kill them. Beating someone up is not killing them, no. That was a different kind of feeling.

She said again while crying "Kill me, I don't want to live anymore" I could understand her a bit. She was raped and beaten to that state as well as the fact that she was still a slave. If she got better who knows how many more times this could happen.

But was I able to kill? Could I actually do it, not because of hatred or anger but because someone asked me to? Wouldn't I become a murderer. I was lost like this in my own thoughts. When she saw that, she said weakly "I will tell you how you can train some skills". I woke up from my thought and I realised what she meant. She wanted to exchange her life or rather her death for the skills she knew. In other words, she would tell me how to train if I killed her.

I asked her "Why?". After a while I heard this answer "Because life is such". My own words came back to me. 'Because life is such' I spoke this sentence when I realised how stupid and naive I was in the past. It meant that whatever would happen to me wouldn't change the lives of other people. The hunters would still hunt, the peddlers would do business as usual and the villages would exist just as before.

It showed that she realised this as well. I sighed loudly and said "I will do it". She smiled for the first time today and said "Come closer I will tell you everything". She described all the training methods she learned in the past. It appeared that she learned them from a hunter. I didn't enquire more about her past but just listened and tried to remember everything she said. After about 20 minutes, she explained everything to me.

She then said "Can I ask you something?" I was a bit confused and answered "Sure". She then said almost in a whisper "Will you take revenge for me when you are free?" I didn't expect that kind of question but I already had an answer "No". I could see her being disappointed for a while, then I added is a whispering tone "I will take revenge for myself". I could see surprise on her face. I then got up and went out of the house. I needed a weapon to kill her and do it as fast as possible. She already suffered enough.

I didn't know if I would be able to do it when I stood in front of her with some kind of weapon ready to kill her. I agreed but I was not a killer. I decided to go to the doctors house. I would have to be there in about 20 minutes anyway and he had very sharp tools for treating patients. I would take one and return.

When I entered the house, the doctor was as always sitting in his chair. He asked me "Why are you so early?" I simply said "I need something" I grabbed a very sharp knife and went towards the exit. Nick furrowed his brows and asked "What are you doing?". I went towards the exit without turning around and answered "I'm going to finish the treatment" and left.

I was running now. I stole something and I didn't have much time. I didn't know if I could actually kill her but at least, I needed to try to fulfil my part of the deal. I entered our house in a hurry and closed the door. I didn't know if someone will try to stop me.

I went forwards and stood before my roommate. She opened her eyes and saw a strange knife in my hand. She didn't ask how I got it or where from, she just asked "Are you ready?" I didn't know how to answer that question. Was I ready? Can someone ever be ready for that type of thing?

I said "No, but I want to fulfill my promise". She smiled and said "My name is Dina, we never introduced ourselves. What is your name?" I was caught off guard with that question. Nevertheless I answered "I'm called Nex". She thought about it and smiled "It's a weird name". 'What the hell? She's making fun about my name now?' Then she said "Please remember me" and closed her eyes.

I stood there, like a statue. How was I supposed to do this? I didn't know. After a while I decided to try and stab her heart. Maybe this will give her less painful death. I positioned the knife above her heart and... nothing. I couldn't move my hands. I couldn't kill her. Something inside me was saying 'This is wrong' 'Don't do this'. She opened her eyes again and said "Don't worry, no need to be afraid. Just do it" and she closed her eyes again.

'HA, easy for you to say! I'm the one who does the killing part!' I thought. Then I saw her face and a smile. She was smiling even though she would die. Was she relieved? Or happy? I didn't understand but because of that smile all the thoughts in my head disappeared. I no longer hesitated, I pushed the knife straight through her heart and only heard "Ugh" then nothing.

I took out the knife and saw her clothes becoming more red with blood. She was dead now, yet she died with a smile. Something clicked in my head and I was no longer afraid. I was no longer thinking of anything. I just stood there with a bloodied knife in my hand. After a while, I threw the knife onto the floor and picked her up. I went outside and noticed many villagers were whispering something and looking in my direction.

I didn't mind them. I didn't care anymore. I went just outside the village and started to dig. I didn't want to leave her body to rot, I wanted to bury her. It was the least I could do now. I dug the grave just by instincts, I didn't think about doing it or how deep it should be. I simply dug. When the hole was about 50 centimeters deep, I gently laid her body inside and buried it back. When I was done I placed a stone at the top of the grave and just sat there.

I woke up from this state after I heard someone saying "That's enough. Now, follow me". When I turned around, I saw Nick the doctor. I stood up and followed after him. I would probably be in trouble but what was done was done. I could now only receive the punishment.