Kill the Sun-Chapter 530 – Not as Envisioned

The next couple of days were like a dream for Nick.

The two of them still had to rule the city, but since the biggest changes had already been put into effect, their workload was several times lighter than usual.

Because of that, the two of them had time to spend with each other.

While all of this was happening, Nick felt like nothing was real anymore.

He had believed his life to be filled with nothing but self-loathing and monotonous dedication to his goal.

Instead, he was spending a good time of his day just talking to Aria.

A lot of times, the conversation moved to Nick's dedication to making a better world.

Aria still agreed with that philosophy.

While she hadn't been a fan of that philosophy in the beginning, the years of working with Nick had changed her.

She felt like she could finally make a significant change in the world.

Nevertheless, Aria believed that Nick was trying to achieve his goal in a very unhealthy way.

It was almost like he wouldn't be happy until he died for his cause.

Sure, it was admirable to risk one's life for one's dreams, but actively pursuing death and martyrdom was not a good thing.

A living person could live on to do more good, while a dead person couldn't.

Nick could see where Aria was coming from, but something like this couldn't easily be solved.

When it came to problems like this, logic and emotions were very often in opposition.

Logic said one thing, but emotions said the opposite.

Most of the time, logic ruled Nick's mind.

But in the few times in which he felt really weak, his emotions could take over.

At that point, one's logic could become warped.

Illogical things could appear logical to one.

As a metaphor, one only needed to imagine a small group of friends living in the Outer City.

One of the friends constantly told everyone to be careful about where they were going, even though the others were already very careful.

If this incident repeated at the worst moment, some of the friends might grow annoyed and frustrated for a couple of minutes.

Now, if that reprimanding friend walked towards a hole in the street leading to the Crimson Sea without noticing, things might become troublesome.

Under any other circumstance, the group of friends would tell them to look out and stop them.

But during this short moment of frustration, they might believe that this was what the friend deserved.

The friend was constantly telling them to watch where they were going.

Why should they warn their friend now?

During these moments, some people would think that this was justified and correct.

Yet, after the friend actually fell into the Crimson Sea, all their rage would vanish, and they would realize that they had done something horrible.

One of their friends had died!

And it was their fault!

They could have stopped this!

Why didn't they stop this?!

Was it worth it to let their friend die just so that they felt right?

Now, was the decision logical to let their friend die?

In a vacuum, yes.

They didn't follow their own advice and acted like a hypocrite.

However, real life was not a vacuum.

These were not isolated cases.

There was a before and after.

There were times in which the friend had helped them in the past.

There was a time after the death.

Was this validation of being right worth the loss of a lifelong friend and a lifetime of guilt and regret?

Many humans could fall into this mindset, and the most susceptible ones were the ones that believed they had perfect control over their emotions.

Nick was one of these people.

When only emotions dictated somebody's actions, they could become a danger to others.

When only logic dictated somebody's actions, they could become a danger to themselves.

Not to their physical health but to their mental health.

The angrier Nick felt, the colder and more calculating he acted.

After talking with Nick for a long time, Aria had learned all of these things, and she wanted to make sure that Nick understood them.

It was important that he understood what leading a healthy life meant.

Yet, Nick didn't fully agree.

His cold and calculating nature was what allowed Crimson City to become that much better.

If he had let empathy reign, he wouldn't have killed so many people from the upper layer, and the upper layer would still cause trouble for Crimson City.

If he hadn't bet with his life, Kugelblitz would still try to control the city.

It wasn't easy for Aria to find an answer to that.

She believed that there had to be a different way, but she couldn't think of one.

If Nick hadn't done these things, Crimson City wouldn't be where it was today.

"But is that truly worth killing yourself over?" she asked.

"I already told you. I'm not going to repeat myself," Nick answered with annoyance.

Aria sighed.

It wasn't easy.

Being in a relationship with Nick wasn't easy.

Naturally, the two of them had gotten closer, but that was exactly the reason why it wasn't easy.

As a stranger, seeing a powerful leader risking their life to improve the world was an admirable thing.

But if that leader was someone's partner, they would only fear for their partner's safety.

The attractive aspect from the past was now a hurdle in the relationship.

Yet, what was Aria supposed to do?

Nick had been very clear from the very beginning that his goal wouldn't change.

Aria had known fully well that he wouldn't stop.

He would continue risking his life for his dream.

With or without her.

Aria could feel it.

Even though they had been talking this entire time, she still felt a certain distance between them.

It was like she couldn't feel Nick's emotions.

It was like he was not allowing anyone to come close to him.

It wasn't easy.

'Should I even try to get closer?' Aria thought. 'If I do, he might start to regret things and stop pursuing his dream.'

'I'm not sure if he would ever recover from that.'

Aria could see that Nick's mental state was extremely unhealthy and dangerous.

Yet, she could also see that it was specifically this unhealthy and dangerous mental state that allowed him to make these crazy decisions that benefited Crimson City this much.

The mad conviction to bet with one's life was a substantial tool for intimidation.

If Nick hadn't seemed so insanely convinced of his goal, several people would probably still think of trying to game the system.

In an ironic way, giving Nick a healthier mindset might actually end up killing him.

His lack of madness and conviction could be the cause of an additional assassination attempt, which might succeed.

After a lot of thinking, Aria came to a conclusion.

What was the issue?

What was the core issue?

Why did Nick have to act this crazy to achieve anything?

The answer was simple.

Power.

More precisely, personal power.

Nick wasn't strong enough.

If Nick were a Hero, he wouldn't need to act so crazily.

He could just calmly establish the rules, and nobody would dare to refuse.

Which Hero would dare to attempt to assassinate someone as powerful as Nick without an advantage of several levels?

Aria's decision was simple.

She wouldn't try to change Nick.

Not for now, at least.

For now, Nick's madness was necessary to keep him alive and to achieve his goal.

In the future, when Nick finally became a Hero, there would still be time.

When Nick was powerful enough, he wouldn't need to compensate for it with conviction anymore.

This was not the kind of relationship Aria had in mind, but she was still fine with it.

In a way, this crazy side of Nick was the very Nick she fell in love with.

It was a necessary evil for now.

Months passed, and eventually, the fourth yearly meeting happened.

Not much happened.

Kugelblitz didn't try anything.

The government didn't change a lot.

Crimson City was peacefully growing without any major incidents.

Kugelblitz also became much more approachable again.

The government had kept their word.

No more crazy policies had been added that endangered Kugelblitz's profits.

In the end, they decided that battling the government wasn't worth the risk.

The risk-reward ratio was absolutely horrendous.

By now, Nick had become 36 years old, and he also finally became an Early Expert.

The fact that it only took him four years was already crazy fast.

The stronger one became, the slower the advancements got.

If Nick kept advancing at this speed, he would become a Peak Expert when he was 48.

Usually, people only reached that level in their 80s, at the earliest.

After seeing that nothing much was changing in Crimson City, Nick became antsy.

He wanted to do something.

He wanted to help humanity.

But he was essentially done with Crimson City and just had to wait.

So, in the end, Nick decided to visit the cave system, which was far to the east of the city.

Nick had found a ruin once before, and since he was now immune to the influence of the Nightmare, he wanted to make use of that.

Maybe he would find something useful to humanity or himself.