Isekaied Into An Eroge, Time To Have Fun!-Chapter 38: Rough Night

I promise from the bottom of my heart that it was the mana high that hit me like a truck there that had me masturbating for almost an hour straight again... I swear it was that and definitely not the my own horniness taking over..!

All that hyping myself up to try and do some training was pretty much for naught since the only workout I got was for my arms... and I don’t think that actually counts as a meaningful workout no matter how you tried to spin it, though maybe I was wrong?

Either way I was definitely not able to do any additional training tonight, so I just scurried over to the bath - after checking the common room and making sure that Hecate was nowhere to be seen - to clean myself properly before just heading back into my room and throwing myself into the bed.

My bed... it was weird to think about how this was my new ’home’, how there was nowhere else for me to go now; I didn’t have my childhood home to return to, I couldn’t call the woman who had given birth to me and raised me, I wasn’t able to walk down those familiar streets and climb out the window whenever I needed some time to myself...

I don’t actually know what caused this but after what I had just done an odd sort of... helplessness, this weird bundle of just raw negativity slammed into me like a truck; any emotion I had that was below being neutral was suddenly given more substance.

Memories of my old life were bubbling up to the surface as the realization of what had happened really set in; I wasn’t going back no matter what I did, was I?

There was no way for me to return to the world I had been born to, no chance to head back home, to visit that pizza place with the cute girl operating the register, no way I could fall asleep in that one professor’s boring class about macro economics before being woken up by the bell...

Trivial things that I no longer had the ability to do were already eating at me slowly, so the swift pivot over to the actual things immediately made my eyes water and my lips quiver; I might not have been on the best of terms with her but knowing that I was no longer able to even see her and tell her to go fuck herself... that hit harder than I was expecting.

My Mother was by no means a good person, let alone a good parent; she did the bare minimum by keeping me alive and sending me to school, but otherwise we were just... strangers who happened to be related by blood.

She was always consumed by her work, making up for the time she lost by having me and trying to forge her own path through life... on one hand I despise her for being so work oriented, for placing her career before me, but on the other hand I could understand it.

Her life goal had always been to climb the ranks of some corporate job so that she could amass enough wealth to start her own business doing... something; what I wasn’t sure, but then one day she had a one off fling with a coworker or manager - I never was told - and never thought to check for pregnancy.

I mean, hells, it was a one time injection of sperm into her womb; the likelihood of impregnation off of that must be astronomically low, let alone actually conceiving and maintaining everything needed to grow new life inside of herself while dealing with the stress of deadlines and everything else.

But then I came along anyways and put her out of commission for a little; she was halted on her grueling climb to the top and as such she was outpaced by those she had been racing, leaving her to flounder around upon her return.

I had always been surprised that she had not only kept me all the way to term but also kept me after giving birth to me; she never seemed to be the type to want a child anyways, so why had she not just given me to some church and went her merry way?

I still had no clue on why, hence why I had become who I am today; I pretty much raised myself but also learned how to be independent because of her, as well as understanding the importance of damn near everything as I tried to make myself useful to her so that maybe she would be a bit more happy with me.

All in all it was terrible for a child and something I should have hated her for - and to an extent I did - but now knowing that I was never going to see her again was just... it felt like too much to handle right now.

Yes I severely disliked having to talk to her or explain how what I was doing wasn’t a waste of time or inefficient, but it was that nagging and familiarity that was now gone from my life without any chance of ever coming back.

Terrible woman, sure, but she was still my Mother and I still had that attachment to her that just wouldn’t fade; I had wanted to make something of myself and show her that I was better than her, to shut her up and finally make her look at me, but now... now I couldn’t.

And even if Reincantra had told me that she felt sad yet relieved over my passing... I still missed her, because knowing that she did feel sad meant she was more human than I had thought... and that meant there was a chance we could have grown closer again.

All that did was make me weep as I laid in bed, unable to hold it back as a wave of sadness crashed over me like there was no other emotion I should be feeling; no awe at this new world, no happiness that I could do magic, no joy or excitement in the amount of people I was going to meet and befriend...

There was nothing to help me besides the eventual embrace of unconsciousness as the exhaustion dragged me further into the bed, lulling me to sleep with tears staining my cheeks and an uncontrollable quivering that refused to go away.