ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 286: Chaos in the Poison Plain ( )

Inside Ridan’s mind.

That pool...

That wasn’t just poison. It was acid.

A death trap.

He froze midair, heart thudding in his misty chest.

"Ah... no..."

The reality sank in.

Hazuki... he’s...

Gone.

Melted. Drowned. Burned to bones in seconds.

Ridan’s cloudy form trembled.

"What do I tell them?"

His thoughts raced—toward the two mysterious figures.

"The chosen one you picked?"

"Yeah, he died in a puddle of swamp, because I let him take a stupid quest."

"I was supposed to guide him. Warn him. Keep him safe."

"I should’ve told him to reject the quest. Should’ve stopped him."

Ridan clenched his tiny cloudy fists.

"He had no obligation to do any of this. Not for the guild. Not for anyone."

A pause. His voice cracked inside his thoughts.

"And now he’s dead."

"And me?"

"I’ll be sealed again."

His form twitched. The weight was crushing.

"Damn it... Hazuki..."

"Pwah!!"

Hazuki burst from the bubbling pool, coughing and gagging.

"Ewwww!!! This disgusting water!! It’s stinky!!"

He scrambled up the muddy slope, hands clawing at the dirt. His entire body was steaming slightly, goo and sludge dripping off him.

He stood there, completely naked, his sword clutched in one hand, slimy but intact.

"Damn!! Even the ration... the flower... the bottle of liquor... and my adventurer plate... all melted!!"**

He kicked the ground in frustration, bare foot squishing into the mud.

"Shit, shit, shit!! Man... this is the worst quest ever..."

He glanced at his sword. "Lucky you didn’t melt too... I’d seriously ask for reimbursement from the guild if this crap wasn’t my fault."

Ridan hovered midair, staring at him in absolute disbelief.

Eyes wide. Silent.

Inside his mind.

"What... in the world just happened?"

That swamp pool should’ve melted through flesh, armor, even enchanted gear.

That pool had killed trained adventurers just by splashing on their boots.

And yet...

Hazuki stood there.

Completely fine.

Annoyed—but fine.

Only one thing hadn’t melted along with him.

The sword.

That cheap 10-silver short sword.

The same sword the two mysterious men had bound his soul into.

Ridan’s cloudy form trembled slightly.

"This idiot... he’s not normal."

Hazuki stood proudly on the muddy bank, poison slime still dripping from his body.

He glanced down.

"Oh! That’s kinda nice," he said casually, brushing off a blob of gunk.

Then grinned.

"Look, Ridan! All the hairy stuff’s gone! Smooth like new! My dick! My future with Ellyn! Clean and big. Woohoo!"

He struck a pose, legs apart, hips forward, then started swinging it left and right with mock pride.

"Behold! The royal scepter of House Hazuki!"

"Ewww!! Disgusting!!" Ridan recoiled midair, face twisted in horror. "Find something to cover that!! You got no shame!? Don’t just wiggle it like a meat baton!!"

Hazuki looked around casually, still unbothered.

"Cover it with what? You see any leaves around here?" He gestured at the dead, toxic wasteland around them. "Ain’t even a single living tree here."

Ridan floated lower, scanning the barren swamp.

"...Ah. That’s true."

There was nothing. Just bubbling puddles, dead soil, and patches of twitching poison moss.

Hazuki shrugged and walked ahead, letting everything bounce like a carefree nudist on vacation.

"Man, this place is good for cleaning all that hair without shaving," he said with a stretch, hands on hips as he admired himself. "Look, Ridan. Clean and smooth. No after-effect. Zero maintenance."

"Wow... so dumb." Ridan facepalmed midair. "You’re lucky your head hair didn’t melt off. If it did, I’m calling you Baldzuki from now on."

Hazuki ran a hand through his still-shiny black hair. "Yeah. My hair’s like fresh outta the salon. Million-yen shampoo treatment. Glossy, majestic, irresistible." He flipped his head dramatically. "Hah~"

"Ceh..." Ridan floated behind him like a disappointed ghost babysitter.

"Now, Ridan. Let’s find that chusi flower." Hazuki cracked his neck and raised his sword with confidence. "After that, we hunt monster meat. I really wanna try how the poison swamp monster meat tastes."

Ridan stopped midair, staring in disbelief.

"You are weird, Hazuki. Like, genuinely weird."

"Hmm? You said something?" Hazuki glanced over his shoulder, still striding like a noble warrior... with no clothes on.

"Nothing! Let’s go, crazy naked man." Ridan groaned and floated ahead.

"Alright!" Hazuki nodded. Then he paused, tapping his sword to his shoulder. "Ah! Oh, Ridan—remind me later to get that... uh... Surapes flower again."

"It’s Seraphis, you walking disaster!"

"Yeah yeah. Sarsaparilla flower. Got it."

"That’s not even close!!"

Hazuki squinted into the foggy, purple-tinted distance.

"Oi, Ridan. What’s that over there? Looks like..." he leaned in a little, shielding his eyes from the haze. "...lizardmen?"

Ridan floated up a bit, squinting too. "Yeah. Local monster-type. They live around swamps like this. Intelligent-type. Some clans are peaceful, some aren’t. Why?"

"Err... wondering if they can be eaten." Hazuki said while scratching his chin. "They kinda look like they’d taste like alligator meat. Or chicken. Monster chicken."

Ridan was about to comment, but—

The lizardmen from afar had already noticed Hazuki.

Their yellow eyes blinked.

They tilted their heads.

And then... they saw it.

The naked human.

And something swinging between his legs like a rogue slime on the loose.

Their eyes widened.

All of them recoiled in synchronized horror.

Panic erupted in the lizardmen ranks. They screamed and scattered, diving into the poisonous pools and vanishing beneath the mire like terrified amphibians.

Hazuki blinked, still half-leaning forward.

"Wait—why’re they running?"

He looked down.

"Ah..."

"Hey! Come back! Ahh—"

Hazuki’s foot slipped on the slimy ground again, and down he went—splashing once more into the stinking, acidic soup of swamp juice.

Ridan facepalmed midair.

"I give up. This dumbass is undefeated."

Hazuki burst back up from the muck, slimy and glistening like some unholy swamp creature.

"BLERRGGHHH!! Not again!!"

He held the still-unmelted short sword above his head triumphantly.

"Still good! YES!"

Ridan floated above him, deadpan. "Your priorities are terrifying."

"Oi! At least I didn’t lose my—"

He paused. Looked down.

"...Nope. Still there. Whew."

Ridan sighed heavily. "Let’s just... find the flower and get out before the entire swamp ecosystem files a restraining order."

( End Of Chapter )

The source of this c𝐨ntent is freewe(b)nov𝒆l