How To Survive as a Villain-Chapter 46: Xiao YuAn May Have Lost His Opportunity to Sleep.
Normally, Hong Xiu stood by the bed waiting for him to fall asleep before leaving, but now, there’s no breathing sound beside him, so Xiao YuAn-Can’t-Sleep.
After counting sheep, reciting mathematical formulas, studying english speeches, and others, he still can’t rouse any sleepiness. Xiao YuAn rolled over and climbed up, no longer supporting his body.
He pondered for a few seconds, and then, went out of the window.
The window guard was a young man that had just been appointed as an Imperial bodyguard. When he saw that the Emperor wasn’t sleeping in the middle of the night, he suddenly turned away from the window scared to death. Xiao YuAn was wearing a white undergarment and his long hair was scattered, he grinned at the young Imperial bodyguard showing his white teeth: “My friend?” The young Imperial bodyguard rolled his eyes and saw his dead grandfather calling him by his nickname across a river full of flowers at the other side.
Xiao YuAn woke up the young Imperial bodyguard, and he panicked: “Your Majesty what, what are you doing…”
“I can’t fall asleep. I’ll go out to write poems and watch the moon.” Xiao YuAn waved his hand, don’t panic over such a small scene. “My friend, can you recite poems? Come, let’s face the moon and sing a song.”
The young Imperial bodyguard was so frightened that he gave up thinking, he raised his eyebrows and hummed for a long time, then he said: “The moon is round, like a big jade plate.”
Xiao YuAn soothed his palm: “Wonderful!! It’s neat, simple and easy to understand, hits straight to the heart. And now, add two more sentences.”
The young Imperial bodyguard boasted and flustered: “If you look closely, it will look more like a scallion cake.”
Xiao YuAn asked: “Are you hungry?”
The young Imperial bodyguard nodded while rubbing his belly, then he suddenly realized what he was doing, felt panicked, knelt down and kowtowed: “Your Majesty, Weichen is talking nonsense and is lazy, I ask His Majesty to punish me!”
Xiao YuAn didn’t know whether to cry or laugh: “Get up, and go get something to eat.”
“Where are you going, Your Majesty?” The young Imperial bodyguard raised his head and saw Xiao YuAn walking away in a leisurely way.
“I’ll go find someone to talk about life.”
Xiao YuAn walked towards the entrance of the main hall, standing far away. Because he didn’t see Yan HeQing, he walked quietly towards the secondary room.
There wasn’t any patrol around the secondary room where the Imperial bodyguards lived. Xiao YuAn swaggered to the door of Yan HeQing’s room, raised his hand to knock but then stopped.
It was so late that Yan HeQing must have fallen asleep.
Xiao YuAn withdrew his hand and turned to leave. He was only wearing a thin coat, so when the cold wind blew at night, he shivered and sneezed.
It was so cold that he quickly went back.
Xiao YuAn rubbed his arms and the door behind him suddenly opened. Xiao YuAn turned around and grinned at the man that opened the door: “Why haven’t you gone to sleep yet?”
“I patrolled the first half of the night and just came back.” Yan HeQing took off his outer robe and wrapped it around Xiao YuAn tightly: “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“It’s no big deal.” Xiao YuAn followed Yan HeQing into his room. The light inside was dim, except for the bright moonlight outside, there was only one candle light flickering on the table. “It’s just that I can’t sleep.”
“Can’t sleep?” Yan HeQing closed the door behind him.
“Yes, I have an illness.”
“I really do have an illness.” Xiao YuAn repeated with a smile. “I can’t fall asleep without the sound of breathing around me. I need someone to accompany me.”
Yan HeQing stood silent, his eyes were hidden in the dark, after a while he finally asked: “How did you manage to fall asleep before?”
He doesn’t know why, but Xiao YuAn felt that Yan HeQing’s tone of voice wasn’t good: “Hong Xiu will stay at the bedside waiting for me to fall asleep. This night I couldn’t sleep because Hong Xiu left the Palace.”
Yan HeQing calmed his mind and said: “When will she come back to the Palace?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Then you can rest with me tonight.”
“Huh? Is that really okay?” Xiao YuAn was pretending to be reserved, but in fact, he had already taken off his coat and laid down on the bed.
After all, suffering from insomnia is really difficult to bear.
Yan HeQing picked up the candle and without saying a word, he began to set the table and wooden bench.
“What are you doing?” Xiao YuAn, wrapped in the quilt, asked incredulously.
“I’m going to sleep here.” Yan HeQing squeezed his clothes tight and started to lie on top of the table.
Xiao YuAn lifted the quilt: “Come here, sleep on the couch, I’ll sleep there.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. Yan HeQing, in this world you’re the only one that knows that I’m not the Emperor, so you can treat me as an ordinary person and you can do these kind of trivial matters with me. Either I sleep on the table or we sleep together, you choose.”
Yan HeQing raised his head and stared at Xiao YuAn for a while, then Yan HeQing slowly walked towards the bed and looked down: “Are you sure?”
“Come in.” Xiao YuAn shrinks into the bed to make room for Yan HeQing.
Yan HeQing took off his coat and laid down on the couch. How big could a chamberlain’s bed be? The two big men squeezed themselves to sleep, naturally, they could only lay sideways.
Xiao YuAn clung tightly to the wall, listened to the breathing sound beside him and closed his eyes ready to sleep, but suddenly he heard Yan HeQing’s voice: ”Why do you have that illness?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“You know everything about me, but I don’t know anything about you.”
Xiao YuAn didn’t expect that Yan HeQing would care about this. After feeling uncomfortable and changing his position, he thought about how to approach the subject, and finally said: “I’m an illegitimate son. My mother, after being abandoned by my father, took my brother and me with her, after that we had a very difficult life. When I was a child, I was in poor health. I often woke up with nightmares, and then I will cry out of breath, so my mother will always accompany me to sleep. She used to say to me ‘don’t be afraid, if you listen to my breathing, you will know that I’m by your side.’ But later…”
Xiao YuAn suddenly paused, and then continued: “Later, when I was six years old, I woke up in the middle of the night and went to listen to her breathing like I habitually did, but I ended up finding that I couldn’t hear anything. That night, she overdosed on sleeping pills, she killed herself.”
“Do you want to know what’s the funniest part?” Xiao YuAn turned over and looked at Yan HeQing. In the dark, his eyes showed anger but he wasn’t angry, they were hateful but without hatred; it was more like a big senseless self-deprecation smashing into his own heart. “The day after my mother died my so-called father came to see her. He was kicked out of his house because his wife discovered the things he’d done and the fact that he had cheated on her. Also, just because his wife was unable to give birth to a son, he recalled that my mother, my brother and I existed.”
“But because my brother was born with a leg disability, he didn’t want to take care of him, so my brother and I were separated by our father. Afterwards, I took revenge on my father on behalf of my mother and went looking to find my brother. But when I found him, I discovered that he had mental problems. He believed that I had left him on my own initiative and he wanted me to die all the time…” Xiao YuAn’s eyes darkened and he continued softly. “I’ve spent the rest of my life taking care of him, but in the end, he never stopped hating me at all…”
Yan HeQing remained silent for a long time, then, he stretched his hand to Xiao YuAn and caressed his back.
The sudden comfort made Xiao YuAn stunned, he twisted his body a little embarrassedly: “Don’t worry, it was a long time ago. Afterwards I didn’t let my father, who was not better than an animal, have an easy time.”
“Well, you can sleep now.” Yan HeQing said.
“Sweet dreams.”
Like venting his nameless sorrow, Xiao YuAn just closed his eyes and finally fell asleep.
In the early morning of the next day, the sunlight was weak and the air was cold. Yan HeQing opened his eyes and found that Xiao YuAn was already awake. He was half-supporting his body on the bed, his black silk-like hair was falling down like a cascade from his shoulders to his waist, and a warm smile adorned his eyes and mouth.
Yan HeQing was about to speak but he was suddenly silenced by Xiao YuAn. He covered Yan HeQing’s lips with one hand and extended a finger against his own lips with the other one, then he softly said: “Hush, listen.”
Yan HeQing held his breath and listened attentively, he heard several birds singing. The sound of singing was melodious and clear, breaking through the clouds. Yan HeQing saw that Xiao YuAn was looking at him with a smile, his pure black pupils were fascinating, like they were capturing his soul, then, he said: “The warbler is singing and the swallow is dancing1. Spring is coming.”
Footnotes:
Footnotes
啼莺舞燕 tí yīng wǔ yàn; It’s from a poem called 《天净沙·春》(tiān jìng shā·chūn), “Heavenly Pure Sand-Spring”, written by (白仁甫 bái rén fǔ) Bai Renfu also known as (白朴 bái pǔ) Bai Pu [1226−1306], he was a Yuan Dynasty dramatist that wrote 16 plays, he was one of the Four Great Yuan dramatists. The poem describes the Spring.
