Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 295: The Reason

King Wilhelm;

The memory bleeds back into the present, and my chest burns like I just ran miles.

A tear slides down my face, and my vision blurs.

Pathetic.

I’ve been crying a lot these past few days. Some king I’m becoming.

I scrub my face with shaking hands, furious with myself for still bleeding over wounds that never close. For still hearing their voices when night or day grows too quiet.

"I did my best," I whisper to the empty room as if they would hear.

Even if they did, they would never believe me.

They made their choice. They chose the mother who left them. The woman who started families with other men and ditched them when things got uncomfortable.

They chose to believe HER over the man who gave his life just to see them grow.

She told them I was an abuser, and they believed it. Me! The father NEVER hit them. Not once!

Emotionally and physically, I never hurt my girls. Yet...

I resume pacing, faster now, as agitation crawls under my skin like ants.

If I stop moving, I might fall apart, and I can not do that again.

I drown deeper in the memory of Amber’s eyes... the echo of Sofia’s words... and just when it feels like my chest is about to rip apart, the door to my bursts open.

"Father—!"

I whip around, shocked, and my heart pauses when I see my youngest.

Lioran.

He stands frozen in the doorway, eyes filled with worry, and concern etched in his face.

Once his eyes land on me, he studies me a bit before bowing apologetically.

"I’m sorry," he blurts.

"I—I didn’t mean to barge in, but you weren’t answering, and you’ve been pacing for almost an hour, and the guards were worried and—" He continues, but stops to look up at me.

To really look at me. At my face... At my eyes.

Concern twists into panic when he sees the tears in my eyes.

"Father?" he asks more softly.

I swallow hard, forcing my spine straight and forcing the king he knows back into my bones.

"I am fine," I say automatically.

It is a lie. One I have told for years— One I have grown so masterful at telling, that people believe every time I say it.

Lioran closes the door behind him, and I can tell that he does not believe me.

"You weren’t responding," he says gently. "Even when I knocked. I thought," He continues, and I smile.

"That something was wrong," I finish quietly.

He nods once.

"Yes." He replies, and I draw a deep breath.

I turn away from him, staring at the window. At my reflection, faintly visible in the glass. 𝙛𝒓𝒆𝙚𝒘𝒆𝓫𝙣𝓸𝙫𝓮𝒍.𝒄𝒐𝓶

A man older than he should be... with responsibilities heavier than they look.

"I was... remembering," I admit.

I know my sons. Every one of them. And Lioran is wisdom wrapped in silk. He doesn’t speak much, but he sees a lot.

He’s a fox after all. Wiser than any man should have a right to. He has always known when to step carefully around my silences to get his way.

If I don’t open up to him, he will find a way to get the truth. His way to probe me into confession. So, why not just tell him?

"I heard you walking," he says after a moment. "I could feel it through the walls." He adds, and a small, bitter smile tugs at my lips again.

He heard because he listened. Since I got back, I’ve been locked up in my room. Barely eating, barely stepping out.

He’s worried about me. I know he is. But I can’t carry on living like all is well after all Cassia went through because of me.

I turn back to him and find him staring at me through narrowed eyes.

"Then I have failed even at being discreet in my misery." I tease with a smile, but he doesn’t smile.

"No. You’ve failed at resting." He replies firmly, and I huff a quiet, humourless laugh.

My stubborn, brave son.

"Come here," I say, and he sighs before obeying.

He approaches, cautious but steady, and places a hand on my shoulder. As he stands before me.

The memory of my daughters still burns behind my eyes, but having my sons... knowing that sometimes they care... It gives me peace.

My vision shamelessly blurs again, and I watch the moment it hits him. The confusion first. Then disbelief. Then something that looks dangerously close to fear.

He has never seen me cry. Not once... Yet now, standing so close to me...

"Father..." His voice wavers, and that alone feels like a sin. Lioran does not waver. He takes my hands without asking permission, as if I might disappear if he lets go.

"What’s wrong? What’s happening?" He whispers, and the dam inside me cracks.

I pull my hands back slowly, swallowing hard.

"Sit," I say, with my voice rough as I gesture to the bed.

"If you truly want to know... You have to sit. It’s a long story." I add, and he doesn’t argue.

He guides me to the bed like I am something fragile, something that might shatter if mishandled.

I sit on the edge with my shoulders hunched as I suddenly feel every year of my life pressing down on me.

Lioran lowers himself to the floor in front of me, knees folded as he looks up at me like he did when he was a boy who wouldn’t sleep unless I held him or read to him.

The irony almost breaks me. Look at my little boy. He’s a man now.

And that growth... the fact the he’s offering his ears makes me willing to speak. Willing to trust.

I don’t think I can hold this pain in any longer.

I’ve been a man of secrets for so many years, and some of those secrets hurt Cassia. What if this one finds a way to come back and hurt someone else I care about?

I have to let this out.

"I have held this too long," I whisper as I stare at the ground.

"And if I don’t let it out now... I will drown." I add, and Lioran carefully places his hand on my knee.

"Talk to me, Father. What bothers you? How can I help?" He whispers, and I smile at him.

I inhale and then begin, because the only way he can help me is by listening.

"I loved Queen Cassia," I say, and he blinks at me.

"I loved her truly. Deeply. I married her for love, not power. She and I developed the dream of BeastHeaven together. And she knew the dream required. Alliances, and political marriages. She accepted that burden with grace I never deserved. She permitted the man she loved to marry others for the sake of our dream..." I continue and my hands tremble in my lap.

"But before any of that... before Liandria, before Leandria, before Serenía, before your father..." My voice falters at the thought of him.

"There was someone else."

Lioran does not interrupt even though there’s confusion pure as day on his face.

"There was a man," I confess, and his brows knot. I know he thinks the only man I’ve ever known is his father, but he should know the truth now.

"He was... bright, brilliant... Always laughing like the world’s cruelty never reached him. His name was Gorlois." I speak.

Saying it aloud feels like reopening a wound I wish had healed.

"I met him before the crown had fully settled on my head," I laugh bitterly as I lift my gaze to the ceiling to avoid breaking again.

"Gorlois saw me as a man, not a king. And I...I fell in love with that. I fell in love with him." I confess, and I feel Lioran move a bit.

"I did not know he was a magician," I whisper the truth before I shy away from it, and I feel the atmosphere go tense.

I look down at Lioran, only to see him staring at me with wide eyes.

"I didn’t know at first. When I discovered the truth about him... it shattered something in me. Because he confessed then. He told me that in the beginning of our relationship... when he feared I would never look at him twice... he used a love spell on me." I spit out the bitter truth that ended Gorlois and I. The truth I never told anyone.

"He said he removed it. Swore to me that what I felt for him was real. That he loved me with his whole heart and that I loved him freely... without any manipulation..." My hands curl into fists as I remember his words.

"But how does one ever know?" I ask with my voice breaking now.

"How do you tell where magic ends and your own heart begins? Every feeling became suspect. Every longing felt stolen. I felt cheated. Played. I couldn’t trust him nor the feelings I had for him anymore." I croak and tears spill freely now.

"I threw him out," I sob.

"In rage. In betrayal. And when the hunts began...when witches and warlocks were slaughtered like animals... I did nothing. I was bitter. I was cruel. I let my silence fester the kingdom’s morals. My anger told me they deserved it." I add as I shake with my shoulders, collapsing inward.

"I never told Cassia," I whisper.

"I never told anyone. I buried Gorlois in my past and married again and again, pretending duty could drown guilt. And now his people are coming. Magicians born from the ashes of what I allowed. They are coming for Beast Heaven... for me." I laugh weakly, hysterically, and Lioran just watches. His expression betrays nothing.

"I hurt everyone I love. Over and over. I fail them. I fail my kingdom. I fail myself." I whisper as my voice dissolves into sobs.

"I love from a distance because I am afraid," I confess now, not making excuses for my fairy parenthood, but explaining the reason behind it.

"Afraid that if I get too close, I will ruin you boys too."

I don’t realise I’ve curled inward until

arms wrap around me.

Lioran stands all of a sudden, pulling me into his chest, and holding me like I once held him when storms frightened him as a child.

I cling to him, breaking fully, with tears soaking his shoulder.

"It will be fine," he whispers— his voice shaking but steady.

"We will figure it out. All of us. I promise. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore." He adds, and I breathe him in.

My son.

There’s no judgment in his tone or embrace... and it gives me peace.

For the first time in years, I allow myself to be held. Where my daughters broke me, my sons try to hold me.

It means way more than I’d ever have the words to appreciate.