Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 261: Letters 2

Elián;

By the time I reach his name, the sob that escapes me is what lets me know that I’m crying. I sniff and wipe my eyes quickly with the back of my hand, but more tears just slip free, hot and stubborn.

"He really..." I whisper to myself, unable to complete the words.

"He really wrote all this... What a long letter..." I joke to myself, trying to keep from crying, and finally, Elien speaks.

"Of course he did. The man is hopeless for you." Elien murmurs from the quiet corner of my mind, his voice soft as a sigh, and instead of rolling my eyes at his comment, I’m glad that he finally spoke.

"Elien!" I call in relief, but perhaps I celebrated too soon.

He ignores me, and I sigh.

My eyes dart back to the letter before me, and warmth spreads through my chest... Thick, heavy and almost painful.

Koda is there, carrying the kingdom on his back, helping Mother recover, trying to keep Gravemaw from collapsing... and he still took the time to write this.

To tell me he misses me.

To tell me he loves me... And to send Alana.

Guilt twists in my belly, and I press a hand over my lower abdomen instinctively... On the exact spot where a gentle, quiet life sleeps.

"I’m sorry," I whisper to the air.

"I’m so sorry, Koda..." I add as more tears escape my eyes.

He has no idea.

He has no idea he’s going to be a father. No idea there’s a tiny heartbeat forming inside me that belongs to him. No idea that he’s more than just a husband now... but a soon-to-be Father.

I could tell him. Right now.

I could write it in big letters across the page.

I’m pregnant.

I could tell him he already has an heir forming in my womb that can cement his place on BeastHeaven’s throne. That all his sacrifices are for more than just a throne and a broken kingdom.

My fingers curl into fists... As I stare at the paper.

"No. Not yet." Elien says gently, and I shut my eyes.

"I know," I whisper shakily.

"I know. It’s just... hard..."

"You’re protecting him," Elien reminds me.

"And the baby... And Gravemaw... That doesn’t make you cruel, Elian. It just makes you in pain." He adds, and I decide to ignore the worrisome quake of his voice, and the fact that he’s become selective of when he talks to me.

"...You’re getting better with words," I whisper, trying to laugh.

"I have a very poetic mind." He replies dryly, and I huff out a breath that’s half a sob, half a laugh.

Then I straighten up.

"I have to write back," I say, wiping my cheeks. "He’s waiting."

I grab the quill and a clean paper from Zephan’s desk, and just then, the raven hops onto the balcony rail, cocking its head like it’s judging how long I’m taking.

I stick my tongue out at it for a second, then dip the quill into the ink.

My hand trembles for the first few strokes, but after a moment, the words begin to flow.

My dearest husband,

I’m okay.

Nagari is... very different from Gravemaw. There are serpents everywhere. In the walls. On the floors. On the ceiling. I think if I sneeze too loudly, one will fall on my head.

Don’t panic... I’m just joking. I’m safe.

Your brothers are taking good care of me. Zephan and Zethar are... strange, but in a good way. They argue a lot, and then they agree, and argue again. They remind me a little of an old couple. Always at each other’s heels, but they love each other a lot. It’s cute.

Aunt Selthía is here too. She’s terrifying in a beautiful way. And she’s also very kind in a way that she tries to hide.

She’s been helping me with... breathing exercises. And teaching me some Nagari stuff.

I don’t have any new injuries, and I’m also eating and resting. I promise.

I’m so, so happy to hear Gravemaw is still standing.

Please tell Seun and Kishan I miss them. And Anwil too.

Hearing that Mother is okay makes me want to cry again... but in a good way. Please take care of her. I know you are... but add the care I would have given her if I were there to it too.

Also, please take care of yourself.

You have always tried to bear everything alone. You don’t have to. Rhydian is there. Rowan is there. Your people are strong. Don’t forget that, okay?

As for me... I miss you.

More than I know how to write.

I miss your hands. Your voice. The way you frown when you’re pretending not to worry. I miss the way your chest feels when I rest my head on it and listen to your heartbeat. I miss your terrible jokes.

Sometimes, at night, I still feel your arms around me. Then I open my eyes and realise it’s just a pillow, and I feel stupid.

I’m not upset with you. Not even a little.

Please don’t ever think I am.

I understand why you can’t come yet. Gravemaw needs you. Your mother needs you. Our people need you. And I would never forgive myself if you left them too soon and they suffered because of it.

So do what you must do there.

Just... don’t forget that I’m here. Waiting for you.

I love you so much.

I’ll be waiting to see Alana. Thank you for sending her. I already feel better knowing she’s on her way.

Hold on to our vows, Koda.

I am.

— Elián

My hand cramps by the time I finish, but my heart feels lighter.

I blow gently on the ink to dry it, then roll the paper carefully and slide it into the leather tube.

The raven hops closer, as if impatient, and I sigh.

"All right, all right," I mumble as I get up and walk back to the balcony.

"Bossy bird." I hiss under my breath as I gently tie the tube around its leg.

"Take it to Koda," I whisper.

The raven cocks its head, ruffles its feathers, then pushes off the railing and takes to the sky, wings beating steadily as it disappears into the night.

I watch it go until it’s just a dark speck against the moon in the distance.

A soft ache throbs in my chest, somewhere between longing and hope.

"Come back soon," I whisper to no one, to Koda, to the sky.

"Please."

I turn back into the room, ready to collapse face-first into the bed and cry a little more into Zephan’s pillow, when the door opens with a soft click.

I freeze.

Zephan steps in.

He stops too when he sees me standing there by the balcony, hands still faintly ink-smudged, eyes probably still red.

For a moment, we just stare at each other.

He looks between me and the open balcony, then back at my face... and something unreadable flickers through his eyes.