Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 198: If Only I Had…

Wilhelm;

My chest feels like it’s made of stone, and no direction I think in seems to be yielding any fruit.

It’s impossible to calm down, and I can not get a simple response. The goddess isn’t responding, and I think this is because she warned me earlier.

All those years ago... when I turned my back on magicians, when I banished Gorlois... she warned me against it, but I don’t listen.

I was foolish. I thought I knew best, and now... after all these years?

Cassia sighs again for the umpteenth time, and I turn to her. She has been pacing for the past few minutes.

Her footsteps keep ringing behind me even as I pretend to focus on the open scroll before me... a scroll I’ve been reading for nearly an hour and haven’t understood a single word of.

"Wilhelm," Her voice finally breaks the silence and I shut my eyes. It’s the third time she’s called my name.

I sigh quietly and as I open my eyes, I see that this time, she has come to stand in front of me.

Even in worry, she is still so beautiful. That pale gold hair curling around her face, her gown of soft blue silk folding and creasing with every nervous step she takes.

"You’ve been acting unbothered but I can see that you’re also on edge. Who is Grolois? What troubles you, my heart? Please tell me what is going on..." She speaks softly, and I smile.

"Oh, Cassia. You scare so easily. What worries you, my heart?" I ask, and the question is almost mockery...

How could I ask such a question. We both knkw trouble is approaching and im taking it with an alarming level of levity.

"The wedding, Wilhlem" she breathes, and I swallow.

"I know you said we’d be ready and you’re putting backup plans in place but I can’t shake this feeling. Something feels wrong, Wilhelm. I’ve tried to push it away but..." She continues but pauses to take a deep breath.

"I’m worried. I can’t help it." She adds, and I close my eyes, as I press my fingers to my temple, hiding the worry that’s consuming my face.

"You’ve been anxious since you started planning the wedding," I murmur, forcing calm into my voice.

"It’s just your nerves, Cassia. Every mother feels this way before her son’s wedding." I add, and she doesn’t respond. She doesn’t even move.

However, when she speaks again, her voice carries that soft stubbornness that has always made me listen.

"Don’t do that," she says quietly.

"Don’t soothe me with words you don’t mean. You know this is beyond wedding planning jitters. You haven’t been yourself either. You’ve been quiet as usual since Isilya left... as if you’re waiting for something to happen. Wilhelm, please..." She speaks as she steps closer with her voice breaking.

"Tell me. What is it you’re not saying?" She begs as her eyes hold mine. Light! those eyes... They’re bright with unshed tears, and I know that if I hold her gaze any longer I will spill this secret I have hidden from her for years.

I can’t tell her what I did. I can’t tell her that I still smell the smoke.

That I can still hear the screams of those people.

That I remember the letters... hundreds of them... begging me to stop the slaughter.

I can’t tell her that I remember the blood on my hands that never really washed off.

"Wilhelm..." She pushes, and I clench my jaw and draw in a slow breath.

"Cassia," I begin, keeping my voice even.

"The wedding will proceed as planned."

"Wilhelm..." She begins, but I cut her off.

"No,"

"It is scheduled for tonight, and postponing it would raise too many questions. I for one want to see this storm that’s coming. No matter what, we will protect Elián. But think about it. If we run now... we’re just going to keep running. Let’s face this once and for all and end it." I reply and Cassia stares at me with her lip parted in disbelief.

"You want to see the storm? Why are you being so stubborn? What was Isilya talking about? What wrong could you have done that would bring vengeance to our doors on our son’s wedding day?" She demands, and her questions slice through me like a blade.

I look at her, and for a moment, I almost speak.

I almost tell her about the magician I betrayed... the people I cast out of BeastHeaven.

The ones who believed in my promise of unity and paid for it with their blood.

I almost tell her that every time I see the sigil of our kingdom... that symbol of peace carved into our banners and walls... I remember the screams of those who trusted it.

But cowardice is a habit, and I’ve worn it well. It’s an arm our fastened so tight I can not bring myself to confess to her, so, instead, I force a weary smile.

"Cassia, please. Go help the children get ready. Don’t wear your worries on your face... not today." I reply, and her lips tremble.

"I thought we had long gotten past hiding things from each other." She whispers, heartbroken, but I don’t respond.

Her eyes glisten as she shakes her head slowly.

"You’ve always asked me to trust you," she whispers, with her voice barely audible.

"And I always have. Through wars, through losses, through every secret you struggled to share. But this time..." Her voice trails off into silence as she looks at me like she’s seeing me for the first time.

"This time, Wilhelm," she continues softly,

"I hope you know what you’re doing."

Before I can answer, she turns sharply and storms toward the door.

The echo of her footsteps fades down the hall... fast, angry, and desperate.

The hall falls silent again. Silent except for the sound of my own heartbeat hammering in my ears.

I stay still for a long moment before slowly turning toward the far wall... toward the massive crest of BeastHeaven carved into stone.

The sigil glows faintly in the firelight, and my throat dries as I stare at "the symbol of unity".

The emblem that was supposed to mean peace.

Harmony.

But staring at it now, all I can see is the valley of graves where the magicians fell.

All I can hear is Garlois’s voice, shouting my name as my guards dragged him away.

...All I can remember is my own silence. Silence that signed their death sentence at the hands of my people.

Now... the past I buried has refused to stay buried.

I drag in a slow, shaking breath as guilt stabs its way up my throat.

"Unity," I whisper, tasting the word like ash.

"What a lie..."

"My cowardice mistake has finally come back for me," I whisper with a bitter laugh as I think of all that could have been if I had just spoken up.

If I had just defended the magicians who believed in me....

If only I acted like a king... instead of a coward...