Flip the Coin [BL]-Chapter 295. I just wanted a goddamn hug

Opening my eyes, I tried to quickly suppress the emotions caused by this fucked-up dream and also to regulate my breathing.

I stood up, wanting nothing more than a smoke, but I wouldn’t want to burn down everything, so I had to hold it in.

"Where are you going?" The commander asked quietly, sitting with Mr. Aslan, who mirrored him at the entrance of the cave, the conjured hammer still in his hands.

So stuff remains in the present even if I sleep.

Did I know that? I don’t know; now I know...well, it was also obvious because I was still wearing my bloody clothes.

"Toilet." I lied, just wanting to be alone for a moment.

"Come back quickly, or I’ll come look for you."

"Yeah, yeah." I walked past him.

This was the first time I saw the night sky in the crystalline world. It was darker than during the day, but it was by no means really dark, even without superior sight.

The crystalline flowers on the earth and on the trees were now glowing in a white light. It seemed as if the moonlight was causing this glow, and again, one couldn’t help but stop when seeing such beauty to appreciate it for a moment.

I continued to walk away to find a spot that wasn’t in hearing range of the others before I sat down and leaned against a tree, feeling the little crystals pricking me.

The magical scenery nearly made me forget my fucked-up dream.

Nearly.

"Fuck you, giant," I whispered.

Fuck you for piercing the eye of a counterpart that seemed nice and normal, contrary to the rest of us.

So, you grew up in a world, city, or whatever that was mostly destroyed, either from war or some other catastrophe. That was what I had seen from my dreams and visions.

Also, there were carriages, not cars; it was a somewhat backward time.

There was no father that I had seen until now; the mother seemed to be okay, doing her best before the giant deliberately fell from that tree as a kid.

But even though it wasn’t really that pretty where you came from, this wasn’t the reason for you to go crazy, was it?

It was just the good ol’ midlife crisis that had hit you a few decades too early.

I can understand that, also having a complicated relationship with death.

The first time I made its acquaintance was when my mother drowned, that being more or less my fault—depending on who you asked, but we won’t go down that lane again right now.

Then, one moment I fear death more than anything; I can still remember shivering and crying on that dead planet, whimpering that I didn’t want to die.

The next moment, my brain shuts down, and I think everything would be better than the horrors in front of me, death turning into a form of liberation.

Anyway...I can relate. To both.

To thirst for death and the paralyzing fear of it.

And although I wouldn’t want to admit it, now I am relieved if I think of how fast my injuries heal and how much additional time I have earned myself by taking down the giant.

"Lucky." I am fucking lucky because I earned this additional time without being the bad guy.

It was the big, bad monster who killed his innocent victims, and it was me who took down the big, bad monster, gaining the perks of the innocent victims all the same.

"Fuck, I hate myself for being this way." If I had a bit of conscience, I would go and kill every one of my other depraved counterparts before finally killing myself and ending our whole messed-up existence.

But then I would be just like the giant, just like my other murderous counterparts.

"You can’t win this game," I whispered to myself as I conjured up the collar I had bought for my puppy, playing with the cord.

I had already killed, bringing me closer to my other counterparts. If we add that I did beat up Henrietta inside the Trash World, even crippling her, you can count in the violence against women as well.

Fuck. At least I just broke my victims necks and didn’t go torment anyone other than Henrietta, but her torment we still put into the violence against women category.

Or did I?

I don’t remember; I have a fucking headache.

I bit into my wrist and felt that sucking my own blood was really helping me with the pain, calming me down a bit as well.

When my wound had closed again, I took a deep breath and looked up at the stars, missing the dumb dog even more.

I sighed and stood up, putting the collar away before I thought of the scene that had happened before the shooting: Henry and me hugging, his head buried in my neck.

I really fucking need a hug, so let’s get my Henry doll here instead of stealing his jewelry for 0.001 milliseconds like a fucking coward.

I conjured Henry up, not needing any kind of motion anymore, just opening my arms before I let him appear in them, his head in my neck, his grip around my body.

With his very tight grip...the very tight grip that was tightening even more...

"Don’t move." He whispered in my ear—the fact that he suddenly moved and talked nearly scaring the shit out of me.

"...? Henry?" I asked in disbelief, but he didn’t answer; he was still hugging me, looking around while pressing my body against his.

"A portal? How did this happen?" He mumbled, watching out for dangers, putting a hand away from my back to wrap it in shadowy energy.

"Why the fuck are you conscious?" I leaned back and looked at him with widened eyes.

"Blood..." His gaze met mine as he touched my face.

"Why are you so bloody? Your clothes?" He grabbed my black outfit before coming back to my face and looking for injuries.

"Wait... what is your last memory?" I asked him, cupping his face to keep him from looking away.

"Someone asked where ’Howard and Devin’ were; they are going for a swimming lesson—what’s going on here?"

"Huh!" I breathed out loudly and let go of him.

Had I conjured up Henry since killing the giant? No, right? He was always beside me, so why would I?

So I had never tested this part of my power since I had this fucking huge upgrade, huh?

"Well, I conjured you up." I finally answered.

Henry licked his lips, letting his eyes wander again to look for any dangers.

"Explain."

"When fighting the giant, I conjured you up constantly as consolation; then your heart would beat, but besides that, you didn’t move a bit. Now, since I had upgraded, you can apparently move and even use your power..."

He thought for a moment.

"Then the biting scars are not from you traveling back in time?"

"No... what?" I looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean, ’what?’ Why the fuck are you alone inside the crystal world? Where is the present me?" He asked me, his presence turning forbidding as he put the shadow away and grabbed my jaw.

"You are in our world; we already talked..." I looked at Henry’s face turning really bad, but he still asked.

"Are you injured?"

"No, I am not. That’s... fuck. How the fuck should I explain? If you go back and remember this scene, won’t that cause a time paradox and stuff?" I asked him, suddenly really relieved that I hadn’t conjured him up in the cave for having people witness this shitty conversation.

"Should I put you back?" I asked him, only for his hold on my face to tighten.

"What do you think? Try it if you dare." He threatened me.

"Why the fuck are you angry with me?"

"I am not angry with you; I am just trying to understand what’s going on without being given any explanation." He mellowed down again.

"I was just making out with my...with you, and the next second, you are in another world. Both of us are separated as well. Again."

"I get it; let go." I swatted his hand holding onto my jaw away.

"There is no danger for now, so relax..." If I didn’t bleed on some figure, that is.

The moment I said it, we heard steps coming in our direction.

Henry again grabbed me and pulled me behind his back. I stepped beside him, forcefully squeezing the hand that tried to bring me behind him again.

"Calm down; that’s probably one of the others," I explained quietly while we stood there, more or less arm-wrestling with each other.

"What others?" Henry asked me, his face darkening as the steps came even closer to us—he clearly could also discern that it was a human walking to us, no danger for us otherwise.

"Some survivors of the 120... and..." Ah, dammit.

"You sneaked off to save people again?" Henry’s face transmitted the sentence, ’Okay, NOW I am angry.’

"Calm the fuck down, what the hell?" I looked at him when a third voice sounded.

"What’s going on here?" We both turned our heads to look at the commander holding his hammer threateningly.

"Goddamnit, fuck." I felt my headache reappearing.

I just wanted a goddamn hug.