Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 75: A Wall of Ice

"Camilla! Wait!" The prince gave chase as she ran from him, weaving around the bemused servants and courtiers in his path. He almost knocked an elderly steward off his feet but he barely noticed, desperate to catch up with the girl who was fleeing from him as if he were the devil himself. "Camilla!"

With his longer strides, William managed to close the distance between them in one of the galleries along the south wing. He clasped her wrist but she managed to shake him off and refused to slow down, her heels clicking rapidly on the stone floor.

"Stop running, dammit! I’m speaking to you." He grabbed her arm again, this time managing to hold on. He pulled her around to face him.

The mixture of shock and disgust on her face made his stomach sink.

"Is it true then? You really visit brothels and bathhouses all the time?" Camilla’s voice was calm but strained.

William opened his mouth to reply but then hesitated. He didn’t want to lie but telling her the truth wasn’t going to help his cause either. A dozen excuses ran through his mind and in that moment he realised none of them were convincing. "Well...I mean, it doesn’t happen very often..."

The last flicker of hope in Camilla’s eyes disappeared when she heard his words and her reply was cold. "I see. Sir Richard spoke the truth then."

When she looked up at him, the emotions in her gaze cut him to the core. She was angry, but he could accept the anger. It was the hurt in her eyes that made him feel like a monster.

"It sounds like you already have women giving you what you want, my lord. So you can leave me alone." She turned to walk away but he blocked her path.

"Listen to me. It really doesn’t mean anything. All men do it!" His excuses sounded weak even to him. "I’m not happy at all with Rich telling you the way he did. It was cruel. But he’s right when he said that men have needs-"

Her glare locked him into place. "Oh. And since I don’t meet those needs, I have driven you to do this. Are you saying this is all my fault, then? That I forced you into the arms of those women?"

"No, that’s not what I’m saying! Those other women don’t mean a fucking thing to me!" William could hear his voice rising, feeling like she was twisting his words into something worse than what he meant. He took a breath to try and steady himself. "What do you expect me to do, though? You know I’m in no position to promise you anything."

"Nothing. I don’t expect anything from you." She said dully, looking away. For a moment it looked like were tears in her eyes, but he told himself it was just a trick of the light. The thought of having wounded her that deeply was hard to bear. He had to convince her to see his point of view.

"I swear it. Those other women - don’t give them another thought. They were all just short term entanglements. Once I had them, I no longer cared a thing for them. I know how harsh that sounds but-"

Camilla’s voice was strangely low and soft when interrupted him. "No, I understand. It makes complete sense. You had them once and walked away with no regrets. Like you planned to do with me if I lay with you. None of us women will ever mean anything to you, will we?"

Her detached tone hit him harder than if she’d shouted. She wrenched her arm out of his grasp and started walking away.

"What? No! That’s not what I said. Don’t just leave. We haven’t finished speaking!" William snapped, desperate for the conversation to end differently.

But he didn’t know how to fix things that had gone so wrong between them, didn’t know what the right words were.

At any rate, she wasn’t listening. Camilla kept walking away quickly until she reached the door of her presence chamber. She quietly closed the door behind her, without looking at him again.

He heard the door being locked and cursed under his breath.

- - -

The warm spring days slid by and for the first time in his life, William knew what it was like to truly miss someone. Princess Camilla was still there of course, walking through the courtyards, embroidering with her ladies under the shade of the trees, looking stunning and poised at dinner in the main hall. But she had shut him out completely. She was like an ice statue.

How could he feel the absence of someone who hadn’t gone anywhere? Someone he’d only known for a year and who he hadn’t even spent that much time with? He tried to rationalise his feelings.

But there was no denying it - he truly missed her as a person, not just as a beautiful girl. He missed her quick wit, her laugh, the sweet tone of her voice. Even when she hadn’t said anything, he had enjoyed her quiet presence. William kicked himself over all the times he had pretended not to notice her or been deliberately short with her in the past. There was now a gap in his life and it tormented him.

His servants went out of their ways to keep their distance, fearing his irritable moods. Even his friends commented he was terrible company.

"Whatever’s troubling you, my brother, you’d better fix it soon." complained Prince Thomas one night after William had been forced to sit next to the princess and listen to her make pleasant conversation during dinner with the nobleman on her other side. As soon as the plates had been cleared, William had left the high table, unable to endure one moment longer of being frozen out.

"Is it a wench?" Thomas pressed. "Come to one of the brothels with me tonight then. I could use the distraction. Eleanor is being an utter bitch."

William shook his head. "Another night, Tom. Tonight I just want to sleep."

The group of young men exchanged glances apart from Richard Bentworth, who eyed the prince with a slight smirk on his face and a question in his eye.

William fixed him with a cold stare but said nothing. He got up from the table and walked to Tession’s rooms. He knocked briefly the opened the door, not bothering to wait for the old man’s reply.

Tession was hunched over a scroll, making notes in his scratchy, almost illegible scrawl. He looked up at William, his gaze holding concern but no real surprise.

"Good evening, my young lord. What brings you here?"

"I need your sleeping draught, old friend. I’ve run out of the previous amount you gave me."

Tession quietly observed the prince, the shadows under his usually lively eyes and his drawn expression. 𝕗𝚛𝚎𝚎𝐰𝗲𝗯𝗻𝚘𝚟𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝕞

"You look troubled, Your Grace. What exactly ails you?"

William grimaced. "What ails me is the lack of a decent night’s sleep. Hence why I need your draught." His tone was clipped.

Tession’s voice was a low gravel when he said, "The draught can only treat the symptom, not the cause of your problems. Wouldn’t it be better for you to examine what it is that’s stealing your sleep and your peace of mind to begin with?"

"No!" William roared, his temper peaking unexpectedly quickly. "I don’t need to think or talk about whatever problem you think I have. I just need a fucking sleeping draught! Are you going to give it to me or not?"

Tession’s lips tightened in disapproval as the two men looked at each other. William knew Tession loathed his foul language.

"Sorry." William muttered. "I’m not myself."

"Sit down a moment, my young lord." Tession quickly lifted a stack of books from a wooden stool and slid it towards William. William sat himself down, feeling truly exhausted about everything. He raised his tired eyes to Tession.

"You’re worrying me, Your Grace. You radiate nothing but unhappiness these days." Tession’s voice was gentle, reminding William of when the old man has comforted him as a child when his father would not. A strange lump formed in his throat, which he desperately tried to swallow down.

William had schooled himself never to weep. His father had ridiculed him for it when he was young, so he had become adept years ago at locking his emotions in. He refused to weep now, fearing that if he started, he would truly lose himself in the depths of his frustration and bitterness.

Tession reached for something on one of his cluttered shelves, then pressed a small vial of liquid into William’s hand. "Here. But promise me once you’re well rested, you’ll spend some time thinking about how you ended up like this to begin with. Think deeply about what, or who, you’re pining for."

William closed his fingers around the vial. "Thank you. But you don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be in good spirits again very soon. And I’m not pining for anyone."