Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 153: Fear and Punishment
11 May, 1360. Westerhaven Palace, Islia
Camilla found herself warm and cosy as she listened to the murmur of soft voices behind her closed eyelids. Her mother, she told herself. Her beloved mother must be around. Camilla’s heart swelled with happiness at the thought of being in Duchess Isabella’s arms.
Gradually, the hushed, muffled voices grew louder and clearer. None of the voices belonged to her mother. Camilla almost wanted to cry from disappointment. She tried to open her eyes but her eyelids were too heavy.
Hearing the ongoing hum of conversation, she found herself wishing everyone could just be quiet and leave her alone. It was so tempting to let the wave of darkness take over and drift off comfortably again. What was so important that she couldn’t just sleep more? What had she even being doing earlier? She couldn’t recall.
Camilla idly wondered where she was, that felt so soft and warm. The last thing she could remember was being in the queen’s rooms, sitting bored and pretending to listen while the other ladies talked around her...and then seeing blood run down her legs.
Terror surged through her limbs and her pulse began to hammer in her ears. She forced her eyes open.
Camilla blinked, trying to get her bearings even while she gasped for air. At the same time, one of her hands immediately went to her belly to search for the firm curve she’d noticed was becoming harder and harder to hide, no matter how loose her gowns were. It was still there. That had to had to mean her little one was alright, didn’t it?
Above her panic and confusion, Camilla heard a voice call her name. She turned her head in its direction and Meg’s concerned face suddenly appeared in her line of vision.
"Can you hear me, my lady?" Megs’s voice was soft, without any of its usual mirth.
Camilla managed to slowly nod, her mouth dry. "My baby...?" she rasped, hoping Meg would understand because she was unable to say anything more.
Meg nodded and took Camilla’s clammy free hand into her own. "Everything is alright, my lady. You gave us all a terrible scare but don’t fret - your child is still safe and well. You need to rest now, though."
Feeling limp with relief, Camilla looked around. She could see she was in her bedchamber, tucked into her bed. All around her she could see concerned faces - Elizabeth, Katerine, Bonnie...Princess Blanche?
Camilla blinked repeatedly, thinking her eyes were deceiving her. When Blanche didn’t disappear, Camilla felt her face flushing with shame. The second princess in the kingdom had seen her collapse on the floor in a rush of blood. In fact, she realised with growing horror, almost every lady of importance at court had seen her faint, including the queen herself.
Oh my lord, she thought as she screwed her eyes shut. She could feel even her ears turning pink.
As if sensing her embarrassment, Blanche’s gentle voice reached her. "It’s alright, dear. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You were in the company of women, many of them mothers. We’re not strangers to the woes of childbearing. The important thing is that both you and your child are well."
Camilla opened her eyes again and they immediately filled with tears. Then she almost rolled her eyes at herself in irritation. Again? More tears? She was tired of always feeling so emotional. "Are you sure everything is alright?"
"Yes." Blanche replied with firm kindness. "Tession has cared for you himself and he thinks everything will be well as long as you take good care of yourself. He says you’re too thin and your child needs you to eat more."
At that moment, the old healer walked through the bedchamber door, forehead creased with concern and carrying two small vials of liquid. Trailing right behind him was Queen Celia herself.
At seeing the queen, Camilla wanted to faint all over again but this time from humiliation.
The queen gave her a warm smile, as if Camilla hadn’t caused an uproar in her presence chamber. "I’m glad to see you awake, my dear girl. Tession has prepared a herbal tonic for you to drink."
Camilla tried to raise herself off the pillow but found she had no strength. Meg and Katerine gently helped her to sit upright in the bed, with Katerine then placing an extra pillow behind her back.
With an encouraging smile, Tession approached the bed and handed her one of the vials. "Please drink this, my lady. We need to build your strength up and have you eating more. You’re not eating enough and the child is drawing too much from you as it grows."
Camilla wrinkled her nose in a grimace but still drank the pungent smelling, clear liquid. "I’ve been trying to eat, but everything makes me feel sick apart from dry bread. Is my not eating enough what made me faint?"
Tession nodded. "Fainting and blood loss are sign of distress, telling us your body is being taxed too greatly. Drinking this tonic before every meal should help you eat a greater range of foods, Your Grace."
Bonnie had left the room at some point without Camilla noticing, because she returned at that moment while carrying a tray of food. She carefully placed the tray on Camilla’s lap.
Camilla stared at the food with apprehension - a bowl of steaming vegetable soup, bread and a handful of raspberries. Looking up, she realised everyone was watching her and immediately became nervous. What if the food made her feel nauseous again? She imagined herself heaving and vomiting in front of the queen and princess. If that happened, she was sure she’d take the shame to her grave.
No one spoke but Camilla could feel the room’s collective eyes on her. She knew everyone would probably continue to watch her until she ate to their satisfaction. With a sigh, she picked up the spoon and took a small sip of soup. Her stomach lurched a little but it was nothing unbearable.
She slowly sipped at a second mouthful, willing her stomach to behave.
- - -
The queen, Princess Blanche and the rest of the women departed soon after, all promising to check up on her the next day. Tession, on the other hand, kept a close eye on Camilla until she’d finished most of the soup and a few bites of bread. At his urging, she also ate three raspberries.
"That’s the most food I’ve been able to eat in months." Camilla admitted as she pushed the tray away, feeling rather over full. To her surprise though, the sharp pangs of nausea that she’d gotten so used to, stayed away.
Tession looked pleased.
She hesitated for a while, shamefaced, before stammering to the kind elderly man, "Tession, did I...did I bring all this upon myself?"
His eyes widened. "Of course not. Why would you ever think such a thing, my lady?"
"Well, isn’t a miscarriage proof of sin? I was told so."
"A miscarriage can be caused many things but I’m quite sure sin isn’t one of them, Your Highness." Tession sounded certain. "There is still much we don’t understand about the body and its workings. And regardless, you didn’t have a miscarriage, did you?"
"I suppose you’re right." Camilla fell back against the pillows, suddenly feeling very tired again.
Tession gave her a thin smile. "It’s nearly sunset so try and get some sleep now, my lady. Your child needs rest. Don’t spend the rest of the evening punishing yourself for what might’ve been."
Camilla opened her mouth to contradict himself, then shut it lamely. Tession knew her nature too well.
"We can speak again in the morning." The healer stood up. "And please don’t get out of bed unassisted for at least two days as you’ll feel quite weak from all the blood you lost. Have a maid with you at all times."
The thought of being bedridden made Camilla want to gnash her teeth. However, she reasoned that it was only for two days. Besides that, she was truly greatful for all the help she’d received.
It was certainly an unforgettable way to announce her pregnancy to the court, she acknowledged with dark humour.
"I’ll do as you say. Thank you for everything, Tession." Camilla smiled back at him, trying to appear calm and unruffled. The healer saw right through her efforts and patted her hand.
"Everything will turn out alright. Just rest your mind, eat well and we’ll all be welcoming a healthy new member to the Devon royal family in the near future." Tession gave her a quick bow and shuffled away, closing the bedchamber door behind him.
Camilla lay against her pillows, eyes half closed. All of a sudden, a strange sense of loneliness swept through her. It was ironic, she thought, that all she had wanted earlier in the day was to be left alone. And now that she was finally alone, the silence felt profound and almost oppressive.
She closed her eyes and prayed for dreamless sleep.
