Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 146: Truths Left Unsaid

28 February, 1360. Westerhaven Palace, Islia

"Good morning, Tession. I’ve brought back some of your books. I’m afraid they took me a little longer to finish them than I’d hoped." Camilla smiled as she entered the healer’s quarters. She moved through the cluttered room and carefully stepped around a number of storage chests scattered haphazardly across the floor.

"There’s no rush, Princess." the old man gave her a welcoming smile in return.

"Well, I didn’t want to hold on to the books longer than needed. You’ve already been so generous in letting me borrow whatever I want." Camilla saw no point in telling him the reason she’d taken so long with the books was that by early afternoons, her eyelids were drooping from exhaustion. She had recently started taking naps to ensure she could stay awake through dinner.

"What’s with all the storage chests? Where are you going?" she asked.

"Nowhere, Your Grace. I had already started packing a couple of weeks ago, expecting the court’s return to Magdaline. Now that the move won’t be taking place, I simply need to find the time to unpack." Tession uttered a tired sigh.

Camilla gave him a sympathetic look. She knew the old man had foregone sleep for two days straight in order to prepare as large a quantity of tonics and healing herbs as possible for the departing army.

"I can help you unpack, Tession." she offered.

"That’s very kind, my lady. But I can manage on my own."

"No, I insist. I’d appreciate having a task to do, to keep my mind occupied."

Tession smiled gently at Camilla. "In that case, my lady, I won’t turn down your generous offer."

Camilla opened the chest nearest to her and started emptying it, stacking the books and parchments inside on the stone floor. Tession started indicating locations where various items should be moved to.

"Do you think this will be a long war, Tession?" Camilla’s voice was taut with worry.

The old man sighed again. "That will depend on many things, Your Grace. If luck is on Islia’s side and decisive battles can be fought and won, our forces could be back before the middle of summer. If not..." Tession’s voice faded away.

Camilla nodded grimly, not wanting to dwell on what a long conflict would look like. She was well aware of how both health and morale tended to fall away sharply over long, drawn out campaigns.

"I can only imagine how unhappy you must feel, my lady. Only married a few months and already having to endure being separated."

Camilla nodded again but said nothing, afraid she’d burst into tears if she opened her mouth. Almost everything could make her feel like crying.

The minutes passed as the two of them worked steadily, few words passing between them as they emptied the storage chests. Finally, Tession spoke again.

"You didn’t tell the prince then, before he left?"

"Tell him what?" Camilla asked, flipping through a book.

"That you’re with child." The certainty in the old man’s voice was unmistakable.

Camilla stared at him incredulously as she felt her cheeks grow hot.

She quickly thought about flatly denying his words, but what would’ve been the point? Instead, her shoulders slumped in annoyance as she hissed, "Dammit, Tession. Is there anything you don’t know?"

The old man chuckled. "When you reach my grand old age, Your Grace, true surprises in life are few and far between."

"Well, what gave it away?" Camilla needed to know how obvious the signs were to others. Would William have left for the campaign with suspicions in his mind?

Tession shrugged nonchalantly. "Expectant mothers have a particular glow about them."

Camilla immediately thought about the rosy cheeked vigour on Elizabeth Taunsen’s face these days. Princess Blanche had been the same. She wondered...

"And before you ask, no I don’t believe it’s something the prince would’ve noticed or even thought to look for, before his departure." Tession dryly interrupted her thoughts. "But why didn’t you tell him?"

"I wanted to be completely sure first." Camilla tried to make her lame excuse sound convincing.

She failed completely. Tession raised his bushy silvery brows at her.

Camilla sighed. "Alright then. It took me a few weeks to know for sure. And I’ve been struggling for a long time with how to tell William because I don’t know if he’ll receive the news well. Then, I finally decided I had to tell him regardless, only for my uncle’s forces to invade the very next day. When that happened, I couldn’t even get a moment alone with him before he left."

Tession rubbed his temple, thinking. "Are you happy about the child, Princess?"

"Yes, very much." Camilla breathed, then bit her lip. "But William doesn’t seem to like the idea of children. It’s a subject he refuses to let me even broach with him."

"Does it really surprise you that his difficult childhood has coloured his views?" Tession asked.

"No, not at all." Camilla replied. "But I wish he’d at least discuss it with me. The odds are, we’d have to have the conversation at some point, wouldn’t we? It’s not something a husband and wife can just ignore all their lives."

Tession bobbed his head in silent agreement.

"I plan to tell him the moment he returns." she added hastily. "But what if that isn’t for months? How can I let him know?"

"I suggest you write him a letter as soon as you can." Tession advised. "With any luck, it should reach the army fairly quickly, even if they’re on the march constantly. A baby isn’t something a man will appreciate finding out about long after the fact."

Camilla nodded, feeling herself starting to tear up again. "I’ll write to him tonight and arrange for a messenger tomorrow morning." Then her voice cracked with fear. "What will I do if he’s angry about the news, or tells me he doesn’t want the child?"

Tession shrugged. "Well, what’s done is done. He can’t wish the child away once the little one has arrived. William will simply have to meet his responsibilities. Besides, the child will be his heir."

"But William was his own father’s heir, yet he was shown no love. I don’t want him to simply meet his responsibilities because he has no choice but to be a father." Camilla dried her eyes with her long sleeve. "I want him to actually cherish our son or daughter. But I can’t...I can’t force him to feel anything."

Tession smiled sadly at her. "That’s why I think you should write to him urgently. The sooner he knows, the sooner he can start getting used to the idea. He might even be content with it by the time he returns. But he’ll need time to accept it and make peace with it."

Camilla accepted the wisdom in his words.

Tession looked into her face. "And how are you feeling, my lady? Physically, I mean."

"Not very well." Camilla gestured vaguely. "I always feel on the verge of falling asleep, I have no energy. And I feel terribly queasy in the mornings."

"Ah well. You’ll be pleased to know that everything you’ve just described is very normal at the start of a woman’s pregnancy. It should all pass after another month or two and you should feel much better." Tession smiled.

"I truly hope so. The other day, Her Majesty sent a gift of smoked venison to my apartments, knowing how much I like it. But as soon as I could smell it, I couldn’t even bring myself to look at it, let alone take a bite." Camilla scrunched her face up at the memory.

"I have a herbal tincture that will help soothe your belly. Would you like me to provide you with some?" Tession offered.

"Oh yes!" Camilla looked at him with hope. "Only my ladies-in-waiting know. I haven’t told anyone else yet but I think my maids will guess soon enough if they keep seeing me refuse my breakfast every morning." She then paused. "Do you also have any remedy that will stop me from feeling like I’m about to cry without stopping all day?"

"My tonics can help with symptoms in the body but not with emotions, I’m afraid." Tession chuckled. "I do recall having a similar conversation with your husband many months ago. He was after a potion for a pretty young princess he fancied, to help convince her to lie with him. I’d prefer you didn’t tell him I told you that, though!"

Camilla laughed, knowing William wouldn’t be at all happy with Tession. "Any help you can provide, I’d be most grateful. I don’t enjoy feeling tired all day."

Tession rummaged through a cluttered shelf in the corner of his room for a while, until he found what he was looking for. He pressed a small vial of a pale rose coloured liquid into Camilla’s hand.

"One drop under your tongue every morning, as soon as you rise. Another drop late in the day, just before dinner. This should help settle your belly and allow you to eat a little better. You’ll need to eat well in the following months, my lady. Everything will go directly to your child to nourish him or her."

Camilla pocketed the vial and smiled her thanks. The gravity of carrying and bearing a child was starting to truly sink in. She placed her hands on her belly, her terror only matched her her immense happiness.

"Tession, can I please borrow a sheet of clean parchment and a quill? I need to write my husband a letter."