Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 143: Dues

Camilla could see so many different emotions on his pale, drawn, yet still beautiful face - focus, tension, anger and sheer unhappy weariness.

She knew William was only taking part in the Moraigthian campaign out of grim obligation. There wasn’t a single drop of excitement for it in his veins. He was simply paying his dues for having dared to marry the niece of a madman.

She tried to smile as she nodded in concession. "Let’s speak tonight then." She far preferred to give him the news in quiet privacy, not in a stable surrounded by noisy soldiers.

"Thank you." he gave her a quick smile in return and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I must go now and attend to a few things. My uncle seems determined to grind me into the dust from exhaustion before we even depart the palace."

Camilla nodded, trying not to look too defeated. She then trudged away as William was called over by one of his knights seeking advice.

Camilla walked slowly back to their shared apartments, which were empty apart from Bonnie quietly polishing silver candlesticks in the presence chamber, and Sophie curled into a ball and sleeping in front of the fireplace.

"Bonnie, I’m going to rest for a while. Apart from my husband, please make sure no one disturbs me."

The young maid bobbed in a bow. "Of course, my lady."

Camilla kicked off her shoes and laid face down on the bed, suddenly overwhelmed by a bone deep weariness. She was unable to fall asleep though, as her head was too full of worrying thoughts. She was hoping that by some miracle, William might be able to slip away from his preparations for battle for even a couple of moments and come see her. But he didn’t.

Camilla knew better than to take it personally. She knew he wasn’t deliberately neglecting her. Still, she felt on the edge of tears. She gritted her teeth in annoyance at her own self pity, wondering why she was always so emotional and on edge these days. She wanted to cling to William’s side so tightly that he’d have no choice but to either stay back completely or take her with him to the borderlands.

For a single, wild moment Camilla even considered begging William to take her along with him before she shook her head and laughed wryly to dispel the ridiculous notion. Women had no place on the battlefield, especially one carrying a child.

Camilla started patting her belly as if to soothe the tiny baby, wondering if it was a girl or a boy. She wondered what would make William happier - or at least, less upset - a son or a daughter?

Slowly, she drifted off into a restless sleep.

- - -

Dinner that night in the banquet hall was later than usual. It was a tense, somber event - the last meal for the court to share with the men departing for the borders. From the following day onwards, there would only be two battalions of soldiers and knights staying back to defend the palace. Apart from those men, Westerhaven would be transformed into a place of only women, children, servants and those men too ill or aged to face the war.

King Edward’s face was even more stern than usual, a mask of barely suppressed fury. At his side, the queen looked drained but composed in a sober grey fur lined dress. She’d seen her husband and sons go into battle many times before.

Before the servants entered with the food, the king stood up before the entire court and spoke at length about the upcoming battles. He discussed the righteousness of the Islian cause to defend rich agricultural land that had belonged to the crown for several centuries. There were grim nods of agreement throughout the banquet hall at his words.

King Edward’s speech was interrupted several times by noisy sobs coming from Princess Violet, as if she were the only woman in the kingdom struggling with the worry of having to send a loved one into battle. Camilla tried hard to not roll her eyes at the theatrics and was partly successful.

She was well aware of the cold looks that several courtiers were aiming her way, especially when her uncle’s name was mentioned by King Edward. As if she had even a thread of influence on how her uncle behaved, she thought with derision. Camilla knew she cleaved to her husband and to him alone. What other people thought of her was quite irrelevant.

The servants had prepared an elaborate feast, to send the men off with their bellies well filled. Even the thought of William surviving off battlefield rations was enough to make Camilla want to sob.

I have to get myself under control, she ordered herself. No one here needs to see my tears. Violet has already provided enough of those for both of us.

Camilla watched William at her side, scowling as he pushed the food around his plate with disinterest.

"Please eat well." she whispered to him. "Lord knows how long it’ll be until you have a decent meal again."

"You’re not eating either." he gestured to her barely touched food.

Camilla frowned. "That’s hardly a fair comparison. I’m not going to be stuck on the battlefield for weeks on end." In truth, the overwhelming scent of so many rich dishes being passed around was making her almost retch with disgust. However, she forced herself to pick up a piece of plain bread from her plate and take a bite.

William sighed as he watched her, then started eating from his own portion, though she could see he got no pleasure from it. Camilla ignored his quick glare when she stopped a passing servant and heaped a portion of roasted chicken and green salad from the gilded platter onto William’s plate.

"Eat all of this or I’ll spoon mashed turnips onto your plate." she threatened.

"Ugh, Camilla! Are you trying to make me argue with you one last time before I depart?" William grumbled under his breath, spearing a piece of chicken.

"Don’t even try to jest about it. Lord knows how long it’ll be until we see each other again." Camilla looked at him bleakly.

The faint smile on his face vanished, replaced by an expression as unhappy as hers.

"I guess it could be worse." Camilla whispered, placing the bread back on her plate.

"How?" William raised his brows. "How could things possibly be worse than what we have now, worse than our soldiers having to wage war against an army of wild beasts?"

"You could have to do all that and also be married to Princess Violet."

He looked over at the eldest princess, whose face was red and puffy as she wailed noisily, clinging to a visibly embarrassed Leo. William then looked back at his own young wife and the two of them burst out laughing, despite the anxiety and grief between them.

- - -

Camilla wriggled in her chair, growing increasingly impatient for the dinner to end so that she could talk to William privately. As soon as the plates started being cleared away, she turned to ask him if they could speak in their bedchamber for a few moments. There was to be no dancing and Camilla was almost nodding off from fatigue.

At that very moment however, King Edward waved William over, along with the other Devon princes. There was to be another strategy and logistical planning meeting in the king’s rooms.

William shrugged apologetically at Camilla. "Go to our rooms and wait for me there, wife. I’ll try and join you as soon as I can."

She nodded, biting her tongue to stop herself from screaming in frustration. Bowing goodnight to those still at the high table, she left the banquet hall and stomped grumpily to her apartments.

Louisa and Matilda were in the bedchamber, stoking the flames in the fireplace. Both bowed to her and Louisa looked behind Camilla’s shoulder, clearly seeking out the prince with her eager gaze. The maid’s disappointment when she didn’t see him, was clear. Camilla couldn’t have cared less.

"Will you be needing our assistance to get ready for bed, Your Grace?"

"No, thank you. I can manage on my own. Good night." Camilla’s flat tone let them know her mind was made up. The maids bowed and quickly departed.

After removing her jewellery and pulling off her velvet gown, Camilla crawled into the bed, shivering between the cold sheets. She missed William’s sturdy presence and warmth at her side. She was determined to stay awake until he came to bed, no matter how late that ended up being.

The moments ticked by painfully slowly, dragging on like hours. The sound of rain splattering against the window was making Camilla even sleepier. She started pinching the back of her hand every time she felt herself starting to drift off. This was her last chance to speak to her husband and she refused to squander it.