District 42-Chapter 190: Fearing

The alarm of Casper’s smartphone rang as per usual, at the same time as it always did. He woke up startled, but already fully conscious. As he had a very short time to rest, he was in a very light sleep.

Later, he surely would feel tired, but for now, he was ok.

The soldier had slept on the table at the cafeteria. All the lights were already lit up, and he didn’t know how he could keep sleeping with those strong lights turned on.

"I need to admit that my head feels heavy as hell... And also my back... I shouldn’t have had sleep here, but I didn’t feel like going to the dormitory either..."

Casper was just trying to delay the inevitable. He knew that the time would pass slower if he stayed awake at the cafeteria and that he wouldn’t sleep quickly being there, as well.

The White warrior wanted to drink while he was there, but they didn’t have anything with alcohol inside the Sgail’s Headquarters, which was reasonable, but annoying at the same time.

"I wonder when I had my last drink... I think I remember, but I am not sure. Maybe it was after Ana’s funeral." He didn’t like to drink. It made him recall everything that happened in the day when they needed to go to that mission.

"Talking about it, that mission doesn’t have a name until these days, right? Even after it was accomplished... I liked the Marshal a lot, but sometimes that man was cruel in a way that’s hard to keep any fondness for him... Is he still alive? I hope... that he is not."

People started to arrive at the cafeteria, and Casper got frustrated with how long he kept rambling in the same place, and how it made the time fly by.

The other cadets were looking at him with concerned eyes, and he supposed that his face wasn’t the best at that point, so he left the cafeteria to go wash his face and brush his teeth.

The sensation of cold water in his face and hands was very good. He felt like cooling off totally.

The weather inside the Castle was static. It never went above 24 degrees. It was very pleasant to live there because of it. Nonetheless, Casper was feeling hot. Too hot.

It probably was just his anxiety regarding the final test of that day, or then the hours without sleep, nor eat, made his body act all strange.

"Even though I don’t want to, I need to go eat something. If I don’t do this, I probably won’t bear what will be happening next..."

Before leaving the bathroom, the White warrior kept looking to himself at the mirror. He didn’t know why he did it. He questioned himself if he was waiting for an answer, or trying to find out if everything was real there.

"I need to pull through it somehow... I need to accept it, right?"

Just by remembering how lively Ana’s face was, how her hands were warm, and how real her touch felt, the soldier started to feel bad.

The sight of that military camp gave him goosebumps. His troops lining around it made him feel agony.

Casper was pretty confident before when telling the triplets about the plan, but face it for real was the problem.

The soldier went to the cafeteria again and had his breakfast. For some reason, the food seemed to be tasteless. Casper couldn’t feel anything there, it was just like his tongue was numb.

His stomach was denying every little bite of bread he swollen. The coffee wasn’t being accepted as well. The soldier felt that he was feeling better completely fasting than after forcing himself to eat all of that.

He gave a look at the hour on his phone. It was about time for him to head to the simulation room and end with that issue.

Casper didn’t interact with any of the cadets that day. Usually, he would say, at least, hi or good morning. That day, though, he wasn’t in the mood, and everyone around seemed to understand that fact since no one approached him.

The White warrior, with heavy and slow steps, walked towards the place he needed to go. All his body was screaming in despair, saying for him to not go further and just give up. His legs barely obeyed his orders.

However, Casper wouldn’t give up there. He wasn’t doing all of that because of the Princess and their proposal, or because he wanted so badly to become a Sgail.

The soldier was now doing it for himself. He saw an opportunity to do things differently. To face his traumas, instead of just run away from them. To accept his past, and all his decisions made; learn again how to live with himself and his mistakes.

He walked through the corridors with his head lowered, but he didn’t have a pitiful look on his tired face. Not the least. On the contrary, Casper had the eyes of a man who was about to fight against his worst enemy. His fists were clenched, his jaw was rigid, and although his legs were slightly shaking, he kept walking forward.

In no time, he was already inside the Simulation room. He faced that black door in front of him, that had nothing in special since all the doors of that place were about the same. But that location was already familiar to him, and the soldier could feel a different energy coming from inside that place.

During those seven days of preparation, Casper faced his biggest fears there. Compared to the other activities he had in the day, the Simulation room was the hardest one for sure.

He was glad that he wouldn’t need to go there more times after he got approved.

The White warrior held the doorknob, twisting it and then opening.

First, Second and Third were already waiting for him.

Casper acted in the most straightforward manner he could. He wanted to end with it the faster he could since he finally gathered the courage to enter that place.

"When do we start?" He stopped a few steps away from the triplets, crossing his arms.

"Soon, Casper. Soon..." First spoke.

"We just need to tell you something before." Third pointed. "The system of the machine was updated, and now it won’t be so bugged once you enter in the simulation of your memory, but you will still need to take the same plan that we discussed before. I bet that, if you start to go against the memories, it won’t work properly, anyway."

The soldier nodded.

"And we were seeing what were the collateral effects of having so much pressure on you... There is a bunch, to be honest, and it will be a hassle to tell you all, but just don’t mess with things and you will be ok. If you mess, you are screwed." Second was the one giving that bad news for Casper.

The soldier was quite worried about those collateral effects, and what they exactly would do with his body. He wanted badly to ask what could happen, but the best way to go for the time being was to concentrate and don’t mess up.

"Don’t worry about it. I passed for this situation once, the only thing I need to do is to face it again."

Second shook her head in disapproval.

"It’s easy to live saying beautiful words, White warrior, but... You know, easier said than done. It’s clear that you are emotionally shaken by now, all your body shows it."

Casper smiled towards her.

"I said to don’t worry. It’s normal to fear our past issues. I am not an exception. However, it doesn’t mean I am giving up on it already."

Second rubbed her short hair, still shaking slowly his head, negatively. For her, Casper seemed to be a helpless and reckless teenager. There was no way to hold him back.

"Do what you want. And nobody is worrying about you. We just want to make it happen because it’s an order given by Vick. Also, you are a good weapon for what we want to do here."

The soldier laughed, and that was probably the first time that he found one of the mean comments of Second to be funny.

"Thank you to remember that I am just a tool."

"Ok, ok, let’s stop with it, you two. We need to do it as fast as we can. With what is happening inside the Castle, we have no time to lose kidding around and delaying the mission." Third started to walk towards the exit of the Simulation room.

"That’s your last chance, soldier. If you don’t overcome it this time, there is nothing we can do for you." First patted him on the shoulder.

Second tagged along with her brother, and both followed Third.

Casper was all alone in that room again, so he just closed his eyes and waited for it to happen.