Debut or Die-Chapter 359
Clunk.
“...The scenery’s nice.”
“Th- there’s a cow over there...!”
Beyond the guys pressed against the window tossing comments, an idyllic country road view passed by.
That’s right. We were loaded onto a typical tourist charter bus, heading into the countryside.
Of course, cameras were set up everywhere on the bus. In other words, this would air on TV, so we couldn’t treat it lightly.
“Wow~ there’s even a karaoke machine here?”
“Oh, that’s been a while.”
“I want to sing! Give me a mic!”
“Okay! Should we do a scoring match?”
Big Sejin smiled, picked up the karaoke mic, and pumped up the mood. He looked almost desperate in his variety-show posture.
I understood.
He couldn’t stand this peaceful, cutless atmosphere.
“Come on, our main vocal should sing one song right now!”
He really works hard.
“Here.”
“Oooo!”
I picked an old hit from about ten years ago, sang it as energetically as possible, and mapped out my best moves.
They were equally determined.
If it turns out we’re heading straight for a deep-sea fishing boat... it wouldn’t exactly surprise me.
Please, production crew, just stick to what you’re good at.
“On the blue sea~ refreshing breeze~”
“Ooo! Ooo!”
Please, let’s go meta and prank the cast just like they used to!
But when we finally arrived, the sight that greeted us was... a cozy, warm country farmhouse.
“.......”
A picture-perfect rural house with a blue roof, a porch, and sunlight streaming in.
The members got excited.
“Wow!”
“This house feels so snug and welcoming!”
“.......”
No... the exterior could be fake. Yes, the inside matters.
But after we entered—
“The floor is warm.”
“It feels homely, which makes it even cozier.”
“Really, it does...!”
The neat ondol rooms were furnished with mother-of-pearl cabinets, white porcelain, colorfully patterned candy jars, even a decorative scholar’s stone—everything exuded vintage charm.
“Did you see the fridge?”
“...Yes, it’s stuffed with everything.”
The kitchen was stocked with all kinds of seasonings, rice, and side dishes.
Sunlight streamed through the windows, making even the air feel warm. I swallowed.
...The inside is even better.
This was the very embodiment of rustic countryside living fantasy and nostalgia.
What on earth was the art director thinking?
Why give a show called Grandma’s House Grandkids such an unnecessarily stunning lodging?
Not pranking the cast like this is the ultimate betrayal.
“Wow~ this is unreal! How did they do this?”
Big Sejin had already switched to a housewarming-reaction content vibe.
He sure tries hard.
Meanwhile, the director chimed in.
“Haha, everyone, we actually borrowed all this from the locals, so please treat it carefully—when the period’s over, we have to return it~”
“Got it!”
Why are they saying that with such warm smiles?
I spoke up just in case.
“So, we have to pay for this...?”
“Oh no, of course not~ we covered all the rental costs! Absolutely! There’s no need!”
Right, I guess that’s kind of generous.
They really are setting us up to fail.
A little while later, we wrapped up our reactions and gathered on the porch as instructed.
“TeSTAR grandkids, please sit here~”
“Okay~”
A brief rundown of the content followed.
It wasn’t much different from what we heard at the meeting: country life, briefly helping the elders with chores, cooking meals.
Boring...
We’d basically be freeloading all day. Unless it was hardcore volunteer work, it was too mundane.
And the production team’s explanation didn’t end there.
“Next, how you’ll earn compensation~”
On a table arranged on the porch sat silk pouches. Ryu Cheong-woo picked one up and opened it.
“What’s this? WOW~”
“...That’s interesting. A bottle cap?”
Inside was a coin-like disc etched with a design that glittered.
“You can only use this one currency here, and you can earn more by doing various tasks!”
The director pointed at the pouch.
“This is~ Carrot Coin!”
“Ooo!”
The name sounded kind of sketchy.
Yet the members’ eyes lit up at these toy-like coins made from bottle caps.
“Why is it called carrot?”
“Because you can exchange it one-to-one for real carrots~”
“Hahaha!”
Even the production staff received generous reactions for that line.
“Understood~ carrot, carrot!”
“Clever!”
“Let’s treat it as company funds.”
Only then did I nod.
Of course.
These insane producers wouldn’t just let the cast roam free with ample resources.
They’ve rigged the coins somehow.
They’d either let the debt snowball or make it impossible to get enough coins.
So for impact...
We’d need to go on a spending spree.
At last my brain kicked in. Eagerly, I broke the ice.
“Shall we head to the market and shop for dinner with these?”
“Good idea.”
“I’ll make a shopping list!”
I’d go for their reactions when they saw the prices.
As bait, I entered the market holding one coin Ryu Cheong-woo had given me, and asked the staff pointedly.
“Is this borrowed, too?”
They answered firmly.
“No, we’re just giving these to you~ it’s your startup fund!”
“...Okay.”
...That wasn’t a lie, I guess.
All right, fine. Then maybe prices were ridiculously high so coins felt scarce.
We began shopping.
“How much is this?”
Towels were essential. They’d surely charge an outrageous price for those.
“Ah~ young folks... anyway, this is two Carrot Coins! Just give me that!”
“Thank you. Here you go.”
“...?”
Wait.
“Buy that for me!”
“Yujin wants dalgona candy? Okay~ ma’am, how much is this?”
“Oh my, so handsome. Oh? Very handsome~”
“Thank you so much! You’re gorgeous too~”
“Really? Then seven of these for just one coin!”
“...Wow~ incredible! Thank you!!”
“...?”
Prices were absurdly low.
They’re practically giving it away.
What the heck is this?
After taking the dalgona from Big Sejin, almost dropping it, I turned to the production staff and began.
“...That’s really cheap.”
“The locals are so generous~”
That meant residents set their own prices.
Of course, cameras were rolling and it wasn’t real money, so naturally they’d give it away!
Did they lose their minds?
This ridiculously meaningless freebie rule—did anyone make it soberly?
“Shall we go back and start cooking~?”
“Mo- Mundae, this time I’ll... grill the meat....”
“...Sounds good.”
—Free prices, easy tasks, a great house, no obstacles left to overcome.
I made my overall verdict.
We’re screwed.
Who’d want to watch a top-tier idol casually heal in the countryside?
Well, maybe fans would, but you still need some excitement to spark interest.
It’s all flat.
A tasteless, unspiced soup—no emotional peaks, no laughs, no bite.
Put simply, bland.
They should have set us up to flex somewhere impressive; this concept is neither here nor there.
This is maddening.
I shoved a piece of dalgona into my mouth and held back a sigh.
Naturally, before we {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} left, I’d tried several times to twist this show’s direction.
From intense farm work to a horror special—anything to add stimulus.
But to my surprise, it never worked.
“Ah, that might be a bit... right?”
“Yeah, that won’t do.”
Cut at the entrance every time.
The producers slithered away, claiming they’d already cleared it with the agency.
Why pitch so well and then lock onto healing?
Their previous show was a quiz that pranked actors—why this?
I bit my lip in bitterness.
We’ve gotten too big.
TeSTAR’s such a powerhouse now, they probably hold back lest we complain or fans riot.
A plausible scenario, but it left a bitter taste. Damn this bitter dalgona.
“Hngh~ Mundae, look at this—there’s eel, too!”
“Wait a sec.”
I decided to find more work to do. 𝗳𝚛𝗲𝕖𝚠𝚎𝚋𝗻𝗼𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝚘𝐦
At this point, I might as well cultivate an image as a workaholic team-builder to gain something from the concept.
If there isn’t one, I’ll create it.
Thanks to that, our overly elaborate process still yielded a surprisingly excellent sweet-and-sour pork for dinner.
...I hope they at least count this as a mukbang. Please.
Attempts to weave compelling content continued, but no matter how I thought, nothing clicked.
It was astonishingly peaceful.
We’re doomed.
Still, after dinner on the first day, something finally happened.
Some guys who went to the neighbor’s house came back carrying something.
“Tada!”
“Whoa....”
Ryu Cheong-woo, grinning from ear to ear, placed a white-furred puppy with a black nose on the porch.
The pup energetically wiggled its four legs.
“Wang!”
“.......”
I almost reached out, then pulled back.
A little fluff-ball I could pick up with one hand.
“The camera director’s grandmother had puppies, and this one followed me home saying okay.”
“I named him Mungge, re.”
“Wang!”
The dog wriggled between me and Big Sejin. Big Sejin’s face flushed red.
“C- can we keep him?”
“Just grab him by the side like this.”
I watched the pup’s dumb, thoughtless face and wildly wagging tail.
This might... actually work.
People love dogs.
And since he was a mutt, there’d be no pointless breed controversy. Hmm. Good.
I nodded eagerly inside.
“Since this puppy’s come to TeSTAR, he needs a stage name~ How about MunDangDang?”
“Hey.”
I pretended to overreact to Big Sejin’s puppy pun, then ran across the yard with Big Sejin and the dog.
“Hahaha!”
Our laughter threshold felt dangerously low, but the members and staff laughed, too.
...This might not be so bad. From that day on, the pup slept in the center of the ondol room with us.
After that, small tasks kept coming.
Digging potatoes, watering crops, feeding ducks, giving massages to the elders.
And now, we were delivering groceries.
“Whoa!”
“Almost done.”
We carried goods to a farmhouse a bit farther away.
Bringing the dog along and strolling down the country road was perfect for a mindless activity.
Then on the way back.
“Hey, should we rest over there?”
“Great idea!”
With no time limit, we could use the time as we pleased.
So, just before dusk, in the late afternoon, we halted the cart with bicycles strapped on and sat in a gazebo.
“I’ll lie down~”
“Me too!”
We could even stretch out flat.
They’ll try anything.
Though we were lying side by side, I wondered if this would yield any usable footage.
At that moment, Seon Ah-hyun, lying next to me, murmured softly.
“I... I think this is nice, too.”
“.......”
“Spending time like this... without worries, it’s been a while.”
“...Indeed.”
We’d been running hard without regard for ourselves. If idols stopped moving, they fell.
We even planned rest time efficiently.
...No wonder time like this was rare.
Time passing with no purpose.
“One each. No more.”
“Wah...”
Just then, Big Sejin ran back from the store with an ice pop for each of us and handed one to me.
Fruit-flavored.
Swish—
The breeze rippled the grass.
“This smells good.”
“Yeah.”
Silence.
Lying in the gazebo, I realized how relaxed I felt.
“.......”
Maybe... this isn’t so bad after all.
So this is why healing shows keep coming out.
Looking back, they must be popular enough to keep getting made; people might crave this tension release.
It must feel freeing to step away from the brutal battle for rankings.
I turned my head and thought.
...This time, let’s just go with it.
I could enjoy the show without overthinking it; it wouldn’t harm our mission.
This time, I’d trust the producers’ editing and delegate the content.
Maybe I went too extreme chasing stimulation on AJUSA as my first variety step.
Unaware of the taste of organic simplicity.
Slowly savoring the ice pop’s sweetness, I rested my head on the floor.
This cozy gazebo full of people wasn’t so bad.
Two peaceful days passed like that.
By the time the members and I had finally grown accustomed to this uneventful life—
“Hello, everyone!”
“Good morning!”
The production crew, punctual as ever, appeared to summon us.
They’ll hand out small tasks again.
But today, they did something before the task briefing.
“Shall we do a mini-game?”
“A mini-game?”
“Yes. There was a little event this morning, so let’s decide what happened in a mini-game!”
“Oooo.”
The mini-game was a simple play against the production staff.
They’d done these games occasionally, and winners got snacks or fireworks supplies.
So we agreed and joined in naturally.
“Look~ it seems Mungge always wants to be with Mundae.”
“Haha, maybe because he’s a puppy, he feels that way.”
“...Big brother.”
Even Ryu Cheong-woo was chiming in.
I joined in, absentmindedly petting the dog, and lost.
“Ah.”
“Well, it could happen.”
“It’s okay! Let’s do more work!”
No one seemed upset. We just laughed and encouraged each other.
“Now, let’s draw a penalty note to see what happened at our event.”
“Okay~”
So far, penalty notes had said things like “One more volunteer activity today,” “Buy corn,” etc.
Only two notes remained.
“Rae-bin, you draw.”
“Got it!”
Kim Rae-bin, today’s turn, picked one of the remaining notes with vigor.
Then he froze.
“...??”
“Rae-bin?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Rae-bin, please read it~”
At the producers’ prompt, Kim Rae-bin opened his eyes wide and read.
“‘In the early hours today, an unidentified nighttime guest entered... and stole all of TeSTAR’s precious Carrot Coins?’”
“...!”
