Craved by the Wrong Volkov-Chapter 183: Avelina’s diary part 4

Braelyn’s POV

I stared at the last line, Goodbye friend, for what felt like forever. A teardrop landed on the page. I didn’t even know when I started crying for a woman I barely knew..

I closed the diary, and my chest felt heavy. This was the truth of the fire. The fire that led to my mother’s labour was caused by her

The tears kept rolling down. I was even scared to read the last diary. The secrets it held. Nadia’s death had led to her descent into insanity. It felt like I knew all the answers already at this point, but could I really believe the library entries of a woman who was slowly losing her mind?

Avelina was isolated despite being around people. I wondered if she was truly crazy or if she was haunted. I remembered the feeling I felt at the vacation villa. It wasn’t so far-fetched, she was really haunted by Nadia.

My throat felt parched. I wiped my tears with my hand and slowly stepped out of bed. A tired sigh escaped my lips as I stared at the closed diary in my hand.

After a while, my feet finally moved, heading towards my suitcase, which was kept in the walk-in closet. I shuffled through my clothes to find the other two diaries hidden there. I knew this wasn’t an ideal place to hide it.

If possible, it would have been best if I just burned them to hide the truth they carried, but I couldn’t bring myself to destroy them.

It felt like these books were the closest things I had tying me to my dead mother. Although my emotions were now complex, knowing she might have attempted to kill me. Avelina was such a tragic character based on what I have read.

I wondered if Dad knew what was going through his wife’s head. If he was also hurting. she didn’t see it because she was trapped in her own head.

I placed the diary I had finished reading in the box; it had entries over a span of 3 years. At least from the pages which weren’t torn. My fingers touched the last one. I was a bit hesitant and scared to pick it up.

My curiosity won over my fear. I picked up the last one I haven’t touched. The cover felt cold in my hand.

The book was placed beside my feet and I closed the suitcase. Before starting my journey to read the last dairy I head to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and some chips left in the cabinet.

It was past midnight already. I read completely engrossed in mum’s diary, and I completely lost track of time. My stomach grumbled from hunger, I doubt I could order pizza at this time of the day

Too bad I would have to rely on chips for now and maybe grab an early breakfast tomorrow.

I settled on the bed with my chips, which barely count as food, and a bottle of water, ready to dive into the crazy world of Avelina Alderheim, as I would describe it, when my phone buzzed and lit up with a text notification from Lucien.

Lucien: Please don’t wait up. I won’t be returning tonight. Sleep tight.

The message flashed before the screen. That was technically a good thing. I didn’t have to worry about Lucien walking in on me reading the diary.

Lynn: Alright, please take care.

I quickly sent back a reply. He didn’t reply and I didn’t lie on the matter for long. I dropped the phone aside and turned my attention to the diary.

I pulled the cover open, and the familiar name was on the first page. AVELINA ALDERHEIM

I flipped the first page and started reading. Her handwriting was messier, it was like her paranoia was poured into the ink.

****

September 26th 2000

I finally gave birth yesterday. The labour was long and way more painful than Katerina explained. I don’t know why anyone would want to have multiple children after this. Katerina said it was worth it. The moment she saw her baby it was worth it

Katerina was really excited about the baby even more than me. Her daughter Olivia gave birth a few weeks earlier to a girl. She wants the children to be friends. Even Olivia said the same thing when she held her baby for the first time she cried tears of joy.

Why am I different? I clearly remember how excited Dominic was after our daughter was born. He stayed by my side the entire time. Then the cries broke through the sterile room.

Babies are indeed loud, that wasn’t a lie. It was a girl. Dominic held her first before bringing her towards me. Before seeing her, I had complex feelings. I was scared remembering everything she had put me through

Remembering Nadia had cursed me with it. The first time I saw her wrinkled form. The first thing that went through my head was whose ugly baby was this.

I said plainly she was ugly. The room froze, no one expected me to say that. Dominic was stunned. He said she was beautiful. Everyone expected me to carry her and say how beautiful she was but I couldn’t

I didn’t feel love, happiness or even joy when I saw her. I instantly hated her. I hate my own baby. I refused to hold her and something cracked in Dominic.

What kind of mother was I that I couldn’t even bear to look at my own baby? Or maybe I am the one who is broken?

I cried not because of joy but because no matter how much I tried I couldn’t find the feeling. I felt empty inside.

I haven’t seen her since that day...Dominic insists that I should give her a name. He has been trying multiple ways to convince me to see her.

Maybe I was too tired at the moment I gave birth. Maybe with time I will love her. I told him the truth that I hated her. He was stunned by my words. I waited for the anger and outburst but it didn’t come.

His gaze softened and he pulled me into his arms. My husband cried...he actually cried. He didn’t sob but I felt the wetness

He knew...

We both knew I was broken and there might be no way to fix him. I am sorry I always cause him pain and trouble...

Why did he have to love me so much?