Classless Ascension-Chapter 279: Clang Clang Motherfucker!
On Floor 21, a man could be seen happily swinging a pickaxe as he sang a discordant tune in a discordant voice.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Josh was improvising the lyrics as he dodged the onslaught of giant eagles.
♪♪
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho!
Watch and enjoy this great show!
♪♪
Clang Clang, Motherfucker
It's the amazing digging song!
Climbing the peak? That's wrong!
We're here to take down some suckers.
♪♪
These birdbrains are all dunces!
Soon will be toppled all at once!
Are you ready for mass destruction?
This will be a complete annihilation!
♪♪
The young and old soon gone.
No mercy for any of the NPCs!
Shattered eggs all one can see
Feel free to enjoy and look on!
♪♪
Clang Clang Motherfucker
Soon we'll pluck their feathers
Takedown their strong leader
Akin to the deadly Grim Reaper
♪♪
It's time to go. You ain't Rocs
It's horrifically dying O'clock
For I'm destroying this big ass rock
And with it, will disappears your flock
♪♪
Clang Clang, Motherfucker
It's the amazing digging song!
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho!
I hope you enjoyed this great show!
♪♪
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
As he sang the last verse, the peak collapsed entirely under its own weight. Thus the digging session came to an end. It was time for the fun part with Josh running for his fucking life! This included summoning the last boss, of course!
The eagles may have been birdbrains, but they knew how to dive his way with incredible speed. What they struggled with was actually navigating the rocky pathways. Josh resumed his kiting in there once more.
This time, however, he already knew the trick to winning the fight. Without hesitating, he repeated the same strategy as he had done earlier. The key difference was that he was getting used to the attack pattern of all these creatures.
While he kept attacking the boss's wings, he couldn't help but feel that this place offered great training possibilities. It was extremely chaotic and brought the flying element to the table. It would be entertaining to watch random Climbers try it.
It wouldn't surprise him if he were one day to learn that Climbing the Tower was all a big betting game for the gods. Of course, a part of him wanted to believe there was more to it, but the few gods he had heard had seemed extremely petty.
Then again, it wasn't like it truly mattered to him. After a while, he took care of everything only to receive two emblem fragments. He still needed 47. This was BS! He was almost tempted to request the system for increased challenge.
He could already picture endless Boss Eagles spawning on his ass as they threw infinite projectiles. Wouldn't that become a great dodging training opportunity? He'd have to share it with AT.
But, it truly wasn't viable for the current him. Josh was currently missing some gap closer. This would prove especially true if he tried reaching flying monsters.
He could become extremely resistant for a fraction of a second, could navigate the terrain with the white spider set, and deal decent damage. Yet, all of this would become useless if he remained a sitting duck on the ground.
Josh could only resolve himself to slowly farm it instead, grumbling a bit in passing. He completely disregarded the fact that he was already "cheating" so much with his clear method.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
A while later, Josh could be seen crouching on the boss's corpse as he saw it disappear for the very last time. He was laughing out loud, in pure gleefulness!
"Finally! I have done it!"
<Emblem of the Eagle King>
- Imbues its wearer with the power of the wind. Bound to the user.
Bound to the user? This wasn't an issue! Josh shakily willed to equip it. He couldn't help but be stunned as the system showed up at the party.
[Congratulation on being the first human to unlock the emblem slot!]
"Emblem slot?" Josh curiously checked his status screen, and indeed it seemed to be a completely new and unique category akin to the special pet one.
"Wait, you said human, right? This means other races are Climbing faster than us, right? What's their progress like?"
[Insufficient data. Information unavailable. Please ask again never!]
"…Sure."
Josh felt at a loss. What kind of game were these gods running? They didn't even have a leaderboard for the Players! Either there wasn't one, or they simply hadn't unlocked it. Either way, he would keep Climbing the best he could.
He began inspecting his body, yet he didn't feel any different. But suddenly, he felt the wind on his skin. Had it always felt this vivid? He could sense his hair getting ruffled by the breeze. Was that it?
There probably was more to it, for instance, increasing his affinity toward the wind. He slowly sat down and began training magic once again….only for it to end in another failure. Goddammit!
Josh went for a run to stretch his legs as he thought about the future. Perhaps he could ask that one appraiser old dude to try and help him figure out the magical element that suited him best?
But suddenly, he came to a shocking realization. Was he going crazy, or was he faster than before?! He could swear that he was 0.05% faster! For sure! …Or was he imagining it all? It was the kind of thing that probably would be a waste of time to test.
He happily left the Tower, feeling good about his phenomenal movement speed increase. He was being a bit optimistic on this one, but who cared. That is how he went for a short walk once more to fish for some assassins.
He managed to lure three in, but they were frankly all bottom of the barrel level. They weren't even hiding as they followed him directly! What flagrant lack of professionalism was this?!
Josh grabbed them, brought them to his playroom, and gave them a stern lecture about being conscientious about work. Somehow, he managed to completely intimidate them into submission even with such a goofy topic.
They left shaking in their boots as Josh returned to the Tower. This new Floor would be another bug Floor: how time flew! He felt like it was only yesterday that he had faced the giant beetles!
It was showtime!
