Classless Ascension-Chapter 272: Sending Dick Pics! (Lots)
Outside the Tower, a man was happily laughing as he checked his UW.
Many guilds had been looking down on Josh's school, but they suddenly were shocked into submission. They couldn't believe what had happened!
Today's news was: "They're dead, all of them! Confession from a lucky survivor!"
The journalists had all jumped on the story as if their salaries depended on it! No, with the fervor of people eager to prove themselves to their bosses! They really hadn't been camping like dumbasses in front of D-23 for absolutely no freaking reason!
They were pleased with all the deaths, and so was the Internet. This was an extreme situation reversal! The guilds had used a hammer to crack an egg, only for the hammer to be shattered!
-RandomForumMod: This thread will now serve to discuss the "Totally not a Climber School," jeez, who came up with this name?!
- TheStatGuy: Here are the facts. Out of 300 Climbers, only one survived. The Training Tower is 99% deadly to anyone except the students. This Training Tower is thanks to their leader, Josh MF Malum, who has conveniently ghosted everyone. Discuss…
- DownSystem: That'll teach those arrogant top guild bastards! How many have lorded their status over us and jumped queues? In D-23, everyone's the same!
- DarwinAward: We have just received the name of 299 candidates that died stupid deaths! Wow!
- PetWithRightHandOnly: Guys, can we all take a moment to acknowledge there isn't any emergency press release! The administration gives 0 fuck about idiots dying! If this isn't big dick energy, then I don't know what is!
- ItsMeLuisG: I still feel like the guilds are going to try and get reparations. After all, many lost essential personnel. They'll probably argue that there should have been a danger warning.
- CaptainObvious: Bro, it's my job to remind people that the Tower can be dangerous!
- SilkCaterpillar: I feel like there will be even more students wanting to join now. Maybe infuriating so many guilds was worth it. Plus, the D.L. peeps didn't kill anyone; they just didn't save them. They kinda have the moral high ground.
- BigBlackCockatrice: I wonder how the Training Tower came to be. I don't care about rude idiots dying!
- JustBuyingSoySauce: How? Through soloing and overachieving a series of 6 challenges. Some were harder than Hellish difficulty in the Tower, featuring enemies more than thrice the challenger's level. ;) You heard it here first. #Scoop #InsiderSecret
Josh was in such a good mood that he spilled the beans. Secrecy on this point didn't matter much anyway, not with how close he was to AT. How would they react to this revelation?
- TheStatGuy: Get out of here! We're trying to have a serious discussion! @JustBuyingSoySauce
- BigBlackCockatrice: Can we ban this fool? Check rule #3 of this forum, no info that is not fact-checked! @JustBuyingSoySauce
-RandomForumMod: I see you're new here. I'll give you a warning for now. If you want to say stuff like this, you need to cite a proper source. @JustBuyingSoySauce
....Cite a proper source?! The source was the goddamn owner of the Dimensional Legion Climber School, aka the guy that had completed the challenges! Fact check?! Fact check his ass!
At this moment, Josh was reminded of all that was wrong with forums. Well, it was a decent way to understand the general populace's opinion.
If he were to go check the Draconic's chat, he would only find: "Josh did what? Oh, something crazy again? I see: as expected of him…." Then if he went to his own school's chat room, it would be full of strategy proposals and praises for Hot Coco, so many praises! Why?!
Anyway, he had just decided to exit that one forum when something caught his attention.
- BickDig: GUYS! Holy shit! Tune in to the Metropolis-W Fishing Channel! Right Now!! There's been a tsunami and then….just look!
- ItsMeLuisG: Why? What's happenfewgergrgw— Holy shit indeed! There's a new goddamn Tower!!! This one is called the <Deep Tower>; it's unbelievable!!
Josh could only stare slack-jawed. A new Tower?! This was a menace to his Tower monopoly! Should he go out there and try to conquer it too? Where was Metropolis-W? Apparently, 11 days away by flying ship…fuck!
He currently had 21 days of lifespan remaining. The 22 back and forth would kill him. He always had the option to Climb when he reached there, but it would only extend his trip even more.
With him gone for a month, would his school even be standing when he came back? Probably, but he couldn't be sure. He could only sigh as he gave up on it. Hopefully, no one would manage to take control of it in the short term.
Even then, he began researching it the best way he knew how. He texted the Draconic Analyst, who unsurprisingly already was all over it.
Sudden seismic activity in the ocean had created a very noticeable tsunami. Exploring the source had revealed this new Tower. It was in the water, located in a trench 888 nautical miles away from land.
The V-W regional administration was trying to figure out how to handle this problem, bringing the total number of foreign Towers worldwide to two. It was questionable how this new one would work. For instance, how would water impact it?
Back when the initial regular Tower had appeared, every Tower access had been on land and easy to reach. This probably was because it was humanity's Tower. It would naturally be in a spot that would allow them to enter.
Now, this raised tons of questions. Was this new placement a mistake? Was it a Tower filled with marine lifeforms? Would teleporting inside even work? What would happen to someone badly injured coming out of it? Would they drown?
It had already been decided to build a temporary shelter for Climbers underwater. Just as Josh was getting hyped about it, he was told that a few underwater cities already existed. What?! Why had no one told him! This was sick!
Added a new item to the bucket list: Visiting motherfucking Atlantis! Yes, there was one! Energy barriers around the cities kept the water outside. They even had oxygen extractors that made it suitable for humans to live as they relied on marine agriculture and fishing for food.
Anyway, what now? Josh checked his pet status screen. <Nightmare Evolving 67% done>, nice! At this rate, he would be ready to head back inside to Climb soon. Oh! In the meantime, he would prepare his next step.
If he wanted to deal with the assassins, he would have to infiltrate them. The problem was that all the info he had gotten from that number 3 guy was most likely unusable, perhaps even turned into traps by now. The League would have taken action as soon as the guy was captured.
The best method was to let them come to him instead. How to do this? Well, number 3 had told him about the Chaotic Neutral Net (CNN), filled with non-listed forums of dubious origins. How useful were these? It ranged from not really to not at all!
They were akin to fourth-rate butcher shops: the products would be barely edible or already rotten. But, it was still possible to do business with them. The hard part was to find a forum that wouldn't be a scam.
- Josh MF Malum: Hey man, where should I post on the CNN if I want to attract attention from the peeps in the League of Assassins? Ah, if you know how to contact them directly, it would be even better.
- The Analyst: I won't even ask why. Anyway, your best bet is Killers Freely Contracted, KFC in short. Whatever you post there will make rounds akin to a chicken bucket. But be careful, for KFC is very messy. Also, make sure not to take everything on the CNN at face value.
- Josh MF Malum: Thanks for the tips! Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta send plenty of dick pics.
- The Analyst: ….?!?
Okay, the first step was to buy Chaotic Credits (CC), the CNN untraceable currency. A total of 10k CC worth 100k Credits should do the trick, right? Probably…
Josh then proceeded to write up a nice little post. The title was "[10k CC] I want both this bastard's heads!" This ought to grab people's attention, right?
The post was pretty straightforward. Josh posted posing as a fictive anonymous cuckold client that longed for revenge.
1. Pictures of texts the target had sent his wife. This included lots of dick pics to make it believable. (Better not know where they came from)
2. Pictures of the target. For this one, Josh adopted a relatively young and handsome face. It looked a bit like this:
( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
3. A very long message stressing why he wanted the head of the target and the dick. The scenario was the husband planning to make his slut of a wife unknowingly eat the dick at dinner before giving her the stuffed head as a divorce present.
Then the rest would remain hidden to most:
4. The intended drop location. This would only be given to someone having the heads in his possession.
Anyone having accomplished the mission would post "Completed" on the thread and be contacted by an admin to verify the items. Then it would be brought to #4. (There was a history-free temporary private message function on this forum.)
5. A 64 characters code for Josh to identify himself that only top management of the site and him would know.
Josh nonchalantly prepaid a sum that would have made most eyes bulge out. From this point onward, there would be assassins after his current appearance 24/7. He was bound to find one that knew about the League of Assassins at some point, right?
Still, he probably had a few minutes before people realized his whereabouts. He would take the opportunity to eat, nap a bit, and then Nightmare would hopefully be done evolving.
What kind of appearance would it have? He couldn't wait….
