(BL) Taming the Field Guide-Chapter 139: Do not use your grief to limit others

Kellen tore into Aunt. So much so that she did hang up and Kellen’s Mom kept her promise. She called her right hand man, Esper Parker, and through his phone Kellen tore into his Aunt more.

He made it clear that not only was Brent a real person, he was a powerful Guide and he wasn’t like any of the Guides that lived in Aunt Dina’s Guild. Especially if he was supposed to take over an important family in the city. Doubly so as one of Kellen’s first students and fellow teacher of Field Guides.

He continued to rip into her, knowing that her grief was shaping how she was treating the others, but if she continued down this route she would be no better than the E.A.G. who viewed Guides as lesser than Espers.

Aunt Dina tried to defend herself, saying that she didn’t think of Guides as lesser. She just wanted to protect them, but Kellen tore into her and said that was just an excuse. He was purposefully harsh with his Aunt so that it would get through her head. Even if he had great sympathy for his Aunt, it couldn’t come at the cost of others.

As soon as Kellen told her that, she seemed to deflate. That seemed to be what got to her, and Kellen could feel how his Aunt kind of collapsed on the other side of the phone. That was when Kellen’s Mom gently took over, taking the phone from Kellen and heading out into the hallway so that the big ears in the room didn’t hear the rest of what she had to say to the grieving Esper.

Kellen let her, knowing that this was probably, tragically, his Mom and his Dad’s place of expertise. How many pairs had they outlived? How many friends had they had to comfort like this? Kellen came to realisation that that was something he was going to have to start considering soon. With all of the friends that he had, not everyone could remain happy.

Especially not with the E.A.G. around.

It was a sobering thought after everything he’d done that day. It also seemed that Taylor had finished her rounds by the time that Kellen was done speaking to Brent and ripping into Aunt Dina. Taylor sheepishly came to stand beside Kellen, resting her hand on the edge of the bed that he was sitting on and Kellen realised that she was nervous.

Kellen also realised that some of his anger hadn’t faded, but had been redirected towards Aunt Dina and that had taken away the bite of the anger and betrayal that he felt at the hand of Taylor. He wasn’t as...sharp as before. He didn’t feel like he was as prickly.

Taylor still moved carefully, coming around to sit in the chair that Kellen’s Mom had occupied before, her gaze darting around nervously. It was clear that she was having a hard time meeting Kellen’s gaze and Kellen couldn’t exactly blame her. He had the same issue when he was in trouble with her too.

"Let’s talk about the easier thing first, but let’s not do it here. Too many big ears." Kellen said, speaking more of the Espers outside in the hallway then the Guides around them. One of Guides, however, made a sound similar to someone blowing a raspberry.

"Oh boo! You let us hear everything else!" It was a teenager. A rather strong young girl who had been keeping the younger kids stable. Her smile was infectious, even as she had come in with a damaged eye similar to Kellen and an emaciated frame that made Kellen’s eyes water just seeing it.

She was better now, and that was clear since she was trying to get up to no good. Kellen, for his part, just stuck his tongue out at her.

"I’m the elder here. I get to pick and choose what you hear." Kellen told them, much to the surprise of the other young Guides. Charlie grinned though, his amber eyes curling up as he smiled at how easily Kellen handled the children.

"Come on. We have to respect our elders, and Kellen isn’t being mean for no reason. Sometimes, it’s a good thing to not know anything. It means that they can’t hurt you forever if you really don’t know." Like that, a chill washed over Kellen as the girl, the child who was only a few years younger than Charlie, agreed easily.

Taylor and Kellen left shortly after that. Not going far, just down the hall to an empty guiding room. Kellen pointed to where they were going and his Mom nodded, giving them a thumbs up as she listened to Aunt Dina. Kellen didn’t try to tune into what she was saying.

He’d already heard her out earlier, and the woman deserved some privacy to rant to her friend. That was the least Kellen could provide her.

~

Stepping into the guiding room, Taylor practically forced Kellen to take the more comfortable bed while Taylor took the chair. It was a reversal of the usual position, but Taylor wouldn’t have accepted guiding from Kellen anyways.

Taylor looked like she was ready to get reamed like Aunt Dina, but Kellen didn’t have the same plans for her as he had with Aunt Dina. He just wanted to know why, how, and when. She was a medical professional, but she was also an Esper. Rhys was still her boss, even if Kellen was her...her best friend.

Kellen swallowed thickly at that word.

"I’m sorry." Taylor spoke first. Her apology hung in the air, and Kellen felt the weight of it. Taylor meant her words, her guilt written clearly all over her face. "I tried to argue with him. I tried to make him see that this wasn’t a good idea. That it would erode your trust, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s stubborn and stupid and a damn Esper like you would say." Taylor huffed. "I honestly should have just told you, explained what I thought was happening, but I was also scared because what if I was wrong? What if I got your hopes up and I was wrong?" Taylor sniffed, and Kellen realised she was shaking slightly. "I know it’s no excuse. I know that. I’m sorry Kellen. I never wanted you to feel alone in this."

Kellen reached out, grabbing her hand in his and giving it a squeeze.

"Did you document it all?" Kellen asked quietly and Taylor let out a wet laugh. She wiped at her eyes with her free hand, nodding as a warped smile touched her lips.

"Yeah. As soon as I began to notice the small changes. It’s part of the reason I had you come in for so many tests. Carlos didn’t need that many samples. He took them, but he didn’t need them." Taylor spoke softly, carefully. Like she was admitting something dangerous. "It got...worse as time went on. You eventually began to notice, and then...then you saw two visions practically back to back. That was when I knew for sure. You had changed. You weren’t...you weren’t an A Class anymore." Taylor sniffed. Tears continued to pour from her.

Kellen began going over what she had said to him before. Trying to see if anything stuck out, if knowing this made him see things she’d said in the past few weeks differently.

"Why didn’t you say anything about Rhys getting guiding until I brought it up?" Kellen asked. He was pretty sure he knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from her. She sniffed, looking miserable.

"You were emitting guiding without knowing. You’re even doing it now. It’s subconscious, part of the reason why S Class Guides are so sought after. You can’t contain it. The Captain was surviving off of the meager morsels you were giving him." She admitted. "We tested it too. Made sure it didn’t hurt him, or anyone you came into contact with. I knew...I knew you would want that." She whispered.

Kellen sat there, processing what she had just told him. He swallowed, his head reeling from everything he was hearing. He found himself nodding slowly to her words and her observations. Taylor had felt obligated to do as her Captain said, but Kellen was still her friend.

She’d tried to leave little hints, little trails for Kellen to find and figure out. Only Kellen had been so engrossed in everything going on that he had forgotten to check in with his body. 𝙛𝒓𝓮𝙚𝔀𝒆𝒃𝓷𝒐𝓿𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝒐𝒎

"I should be mad." Kellen said slowly, and Taylor winced. "I should be so mad that I can’t see clearly, but I think I’m just more sad that everyone thought I wasn’t capable of being trusted with truths about myself." Kellen admitted. "I appreciate that you were fighting for me behind the scenes, but..." Taylor nodded, as if she was able to infer what Kellen wasn’t saying.

"I know. It’s still not fair." Taylor whispered. "I’m sorry, Kellen. I never thought that I would ever have to make that choice. If I ever had to do it again, I wouldn’t do it. The Captain be damned." She sounded more confident in her words then, and Kellen felt his lips curl up slightly.

"You sound so sure that you could do so. Knowing what the powers do to him now...I’m not sure if I would agree with you. However, I do appreciate that you will choose me next time." Taylor bent in half, her shoulders shaking as she held onto the hand that Kellen had offered her.

"Fuck! I said I was your best friend but when push came to shove, look at me! Brent was more fucking supportive and he’s who knows how far away! I’m sorry, Kellen. Really. I just-there is so much that I’m not allowed to tell anyone, that I have to keep inside. I didn’t think that being a Healer would mean I have to be everyone’s vault." Taylor sounded dangerously unhinged and Kellen, ever the Guide that he was, checked her levels.

She was well within normal means, so this was just normal stress. Kellen frowned.

"Taylor, what are you keeping inside that you can’t talk about?" Kellen asked and Taylor froze.

Then, everything came out of her in an explosion.

"The sample test for your sister didn’t work so now we have to figure something else out. It worked fine for everyone else, but the fucking poison that was on the fucking orb did something funky. I am so pissed that I can’t-that she’s going to be asleep longer. I am so tired of working with poison! The Guides are too fucking young and fragile for everything that has happened to them to have happened. I’m up to my tits in everything and I have to keep a calm face on for everything and everyone! I’m going to strangle Casper if he tries to micromanage me one more damn time." Taylor’s voice was strained, her tongue moving quickly and Kellen just sat there, listening.

It was interesting to hear things from her perspective, and when she spoke of Gwen...Kellen couldn’t say that he didn’t feel disappointed, and also he anticipated that as well. That would be what that damn gate would do to them.

"Has anyone been able to get a sample from the orb?" Kellen asked and she jerked her head up, meeting Kellen’s gaze. He was surprised that no one had even considered it.

"No. We’ve been using the samples we’ve been collecting from Gwen’s...leg. I didn’t-ah shit. Not fucking again. I’m not a damn researcher, I’m a fucking Esper!" She roared, before slumping over again.

"It’s okay. I see things differently than you do and that’s fine. Is there anything else?" Kellen asked, sensing that there was.

Taylor’s face turned red. Bright red. It was a phenomenon that Kellen hadn’t seen before. Curious, Kellen narrowed his eye.

"Taylor?" Kellen asked, prompting her and Taylor took a deep breath in and out.

"I made out with Karen." She slammed her hand over her mouth after it left her mouth and Kellen sat there, a little stunned.

"Oh did you now?" Kellen asked and Taylor nodded. Her eyes were a little delirious.

"And I think I want to do it again." She burst out, uncovering her mouth to speak and then covering it once more. She looked like she had said something scandalous. Kellen laughed.