(BL) Hunting The Field Guide-Chapter 461: We have to trust him

Rhys took them on a walk through the Guild. He started at the lobby, holding Kellen’s hand in a grip so tight Kellen wouldn’t be able to break free if he wanted to. He went up, level by level, keeping Kellen by his side the whole time. Kellen wondered if this was something he used to do on his own to calm himself down, but at the same time, it didn’t feel like Kellen should speak.

So he didn’t. He was just present with the man, letting him gather himself.

Eventually, when they got to the Medical Bay, Rhys spoke as they moved through the white, clinical hallways.

"You know, when I brought you here the first time after I had ended your career, the life that you knew, and had stolen your livelihood, I never imagined that we would be here." The casual way Rhys said it made Kellen take a second to register what he had said.

Kellen, without thinking, swung his free hand and smacked his arm.

"None of that! You didn’t ruin my life, Rhys." Kellen’s voice was harsh. "You haven’t ever ruined my life. You’re a blessing to my life, even when you were being a piece of shit." Kellen told him and Rhys let out a laugh.

"I was being a piece of shit, wasn’t I? I was just so insecure. I wanted everyone to know you belonged to me. Were meant for me. I want to blame how long I’d gone without proper guiding, but honestly some of that was just...possessiveness." Rhys admitted. "Did I apologise for my behaviour? I can’t remember. I’m sorry for putting you in uncomfortable situations, Kellen. I never meant to belittle you or make you feel like I wasn’t going to respect you. I just..." Kellen’s heavy sigh had Rhys slow down, turning his gaze to Kellen.

When Kellen raised his gaze up to look at him, he was shaking his head.

"Just shut up." Kellen told him and Rhys’ eyes widened.

"W-What?" Rhys stuttered.

"I don’t want you to apologise to me. I don’t want you to try to make it up to me. This feels rushed, and honestly, I don’t know if the S Class Esper part of yourself is even all that sorry about what you did." Rhys’ expression shifted slightly, and Kellen could tell he was right.

Kellen was realising that he’d been naive. When he’d first come to the Guild he remembered lecturing them on how they were letting Espers get away with bad shit towards Guides. Kellen realised that he still believed in that. No Guide should be taken advantage of. That part was still clear, but when it came to Rhys and Kellen? The lines had always been...a little too blurry.

There were some things that Kellen would always forgive Rhys for. Making a scene so that others knew that Kellen belonged to Rhys and Rhys belonged to Kellen? Even before he became aware of his own feelings for the second time he had been embarrassed and flustered and annoyed, but never truly...against the actions. It was nice that Rhys was apologising, but the man didn’t need to.

He also didn’t want Rhys to ever know that he shouldn’t feel a little guilty. It was kind of funny to see him looking so ill. Maybe Kellen had a little too much of his Mom in him.

"It’s okay." Kellen told him. "So just...continue taking me on a tour of your Guild, Rhys. It’s okay." Kellen told him and Rhys’ expression grew emotional before he turned away from Kellen. He paused, pulling Kellen against his side and rested his head against Kellen’s before he let him go, taking his hand in his again, and they continued on the tour.

~

They continued all the way up, getting looks from everyone that they passed. Kellen was uncomfortable with those looks until they got to the Guiding Division. Casper hadn’t been in the meeting because he’d been busy managing literally everything else. Without even Pamela here, that meant everything else fell onto his shoulders. He’d been informed, of course, and Kellen felt terrible that the man was on his own.

He didn’t react like that at all though.

As soon as Kellen and Rhys stepped foot into the Guiding Division space proper, it was like Casper had a radar for them. The door to his office flung open, slamming against the wall as he rushed forward on a war path. His eyes were bloodshot behind his glasses and he looked terribly pale. Kellen wasn’t expecting the man to launch himself at Kellen so Kellen instinctively dropped Rhys’ hand to catch the other man.

"I heard." Casper said, his voice loud in Kellen’s ear from the silence that had hung between Rhys and him for so long. "Fuck. Kellen, are you sure?" Casper asked, his arms tightening around him. Kellen gave a soft smile.

"Who else is going to do it?" Kellen asked. "We asked, and no one would step up. It has to be me." Kellen told him and Casper let out a shuddering breath.

"Where the fuck is everyone?" Casper muttered. "I can’t believe that this is happening." Casper sounded...broken. Kellen knew he was really asking where Gunther was right when he needed him. Kellen understood. This would be a lot harder without Rhys on his side. If another situation like this happened...Kellen didn’t even want to think about it.

"It’ll be okay, Casper. Kellen will make it out." Rhys’ voice was quiet, but held an authority that didn’t sound forced. Only Kellen knew that the man was saying the words like a mantra. Willing them to be true. Casper let out a shuddering breath, finally releasing his koala hold on Kellen’s neck and letting him put him on the ground.

"I know your people are strong. You trained them, but this..." Kellen nodded as Casper trailed off.

"I should be the one to retrieve them." Kellen said and Casper’s eyes widened, before they started to water. He wiped at his eyes, as if shocked that he was crying. The other Guides in the Division who overheard looked horrified at the soft expression on Kellen’s face.

"Kellen, you aren’t-" It was Rhys, and he cut himself off, swallowing. "Please tell me you aren’t blaming yourself for them getting sucked into the gate, are you?" Kellen didn’t say anything. It wasn’t blame, more like worry. Had he trained them enough? Had he made sure that they had enough knowledge to survive as long as they could? What if they got faulty suits? His mind was racing, all the time with everything he was worried about.

"I’m not blaming myself." Kellen told them, and it felt like Casper and Rhys let out heavy sighs of relief. "I’m just worried I didn’t teach them enough. It was only their second time on the front lines, this is their second time maybe third at most inside of a gate. I know they’re going to panic. I would panic. I did panic, and I wasn’t in a gate like that. Only one experienced person is in the gate with them. Of course I’m worried." Kellen also knew that someone had probably died by now, and by process of elimination, it was probably a Guide.

Espers were just more hardy by nature. No matter how much he trained them.

"Guide Woods?" Kellen was surprised to see one of his students from the Field Guide class coming out of a room with an Esper. It was clear that she had just finished a guiding session, and when she saw Rhys beside him, and Casper with his watery eyes, her mouth opened before her eyes began to water too. "Wait, what’s going on here? Why are you here? It’s not time for our class yet." Kellen could tell that she knew something was up and Kellen decided that it was best to just rip the band aid off.

"I’m going into the gate on a rescue mission." Kellen told her and she burst into tears.

"What? No! Who’s going to teach us if both of you are gone?" She demanded and Kellen let out a chuckle.

"The second class is progressing quite fast, and honestly, you’re just honing what I’ve already taught you at this point." Kellen said, smiling at her. "You’ll do fine on your own." Kellen told her and she rushed to him. She abandoned the Esper she had been with to grab onto Kellen’s hand like a child, giving it a squeeze.

"I wasn’t mad at you! Please tell me that you aren’t doing this because you thought we were mad at you!" She sobbed and Kellen felt his eyes widen.

"No? I’m not doing this because of that. I’m doing it because no one else is fit for this role but me." Kellen told her and she turned to Casper.

"Lieutenant Casper! Stop him!" She begged. "We can’t lose him too! He’s ours!" Kellen felt his heart jerk in his chest. He hadn’t expected her to say that. Honestly, he had thought that they had formed a closer bond with Brent, so he thought that meant that they would be more upset about him being missing then Kellen going into the gate. He hadn’t even considered that they would care about him.

Rhys squeezed his hand, and Kellen turned his gaze up towards him. Rhys’ expression was tight, grim. He looked pained as well as he heard one of Kellen’s students beg Casper to get Kellen to reconsider.

"There is nothing we can do. You know how stubborn Kellen is." Rhys told her softly, kindly. "And...there really isn’t anyone else who can do this. Kellen is the best, you yourself know this. He won’t let your friends remain in there alone." Rhys told her and her eyes overflowed more.

"What about him? What about Guide Woods?" She asked and Kellen didn’t know what to say. Rhys gave Kellen a pained look before he turned to the Guide.

"We have to trust in his abilities and his experience." Rhys told her, but Kellen’s heart hurt hearing him say it. Like he was repeating it to himself as well. The Guide just sobbed more, before she wrapped her arms around Kellen, holding onto him. Kellen felt a little lost, but comforted the girl.

Her sobs drew out the others, and from the reaction of one of his students, the semi hardened Field Guides began to crumble until Kellen had a swarm of crying students around him. He truly hadn’t anticipated this kind of reaction. He hadn’t even thought about telling them in person that he was going into the gate. He was going to have Casper tell them, but apparently this was the right call.

Rhys watched on, comforting the Field Guides that came to him for support as well. Kellen told Casper to go, since he had a lot on his plate and Rhys and Kellen took care of the crew before them. It took an hour to calm them completely, but even then, they all looked haunted. Kellen didn’t know what he could say to soothe them, because they wouldn’t be soothed.

The looks on their faces, in their eyes, kind of reminded him of Rhys, and that only made the guilt growing inside of Kellen fill him more.

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