America 1982-Chapter 68 - 24: Teaching Us to Maximize Benefits

"This country is well-managed by us."

Tommy rarely agreed to change out of his T-shirt and beach shorts, now donning a formal suit. The blonde hair he inherited from his father was specially styled with hair gel, and at the moment, he was standing outside the government building with utmost seriousness, introducing the state of this country to Elton Burn and his little film crew.

Even though they had expected the country to be small, they were still surprised to see that the capital, Kingston, wasn’t even as big as some bustling towns in the United States of America.

Moreover, local black people kept appearing out of nowhere near them, like animals in a zoo being admired, staring with their ignorant, fearless, and curious large eyes at the group.

"Haven’t they ever seen white people?" a member of the film crew asked Tommy, eyeing those black people in the distance.

Tommy shook his head: "No, it’s not that they haven’t seen white people, they’re curious about your equipment. This country doesn’t have its own TV station; there are only a few radio stations for disseminating news."

"Chief, sir, the sugarcane fields in St. George Parish have been destroyed by wild pigs! A huge number of them are causing damage right now! The local police station is asking for our support!" came a voice from a black police officer on the second-floor balcony of the police station.

Elton and his colleagues looked up to see Dennis in a well-fitted black English police uniform, wearing a wide-brimmed police hat, his left chest almost covered with medals and ribbons, gripping the railing with both hands, his gaze deep as he looked into the distance.

Most absurdly, the man was wearing an Italian-style police cloak in the middle of summer.

Looking solely at the attire, it was indeed flamboyant, especially Dennis’s tense facial expression and his posture of looking into the distance while leaning on the railing, which gave off a bit of a Gestapo vibe.

But to Elton and the other adults, it was somewhat bewildering. A few seconds later, a member of the film crew turned his head and asked his companion with uncertainty, "Were those medals bought in an American souvenir shop? I recognize half of them as American medals. How much whiskey would the Queen of England need to drink to do something like giving American medals to Commonwealth police officers?"

"Don’t worry, everything is proceeding according to procedure." Dennis turned around and addressed the black police officer in front of him: "I’ve already suggested that the country should legislate for this as soon as possible." 𝕗𝗿𝕖𝐞𝐰𝗲𝕓𝐧𝕠𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝐨𝚖

The black officer was completely dumbfounded and nervously looked at his boss, with whom he had become quite familiar. According to the plan, Dennis just needed to say the plan he had earlier, about driving the wild pigs to the United States embassy, but now, taking initiative, the Chief had changed his lines?

The black man’s eyes widened, and he quivered his thick lips, repeating uncertainly, "Legislate?"

"Yes, legislate." Dennis patted his shoulder, very pleased with the surprise in his eyes: "We’ll pass legislation prohibiting wild pigs from entering the sugarcane fields on their own initiative. With legislation in place, we can then go and bring those that damage the sugarcane fields to justice."

The police officer didn’t catch on right away, and a few people from the film crew who overheard this exchange on the street couldn’t help but laugh out loud, understanding the joke Dennis made about a quirky law in Georgia, USA, that prohibits chickens from crossing the road.

"Was your camera on just now? That was a good joke," the director of the film crew asked the cameraman.

The cameraman carrying the equipment nodded: "Of course, it’s great material for a funny news story."

"But, Chief, sir, there’s no need to go to all that trouble, just..." The sweat on the black officer’s head began to seep out, he was moments away from blurting out Dennis’s plan to chase the pigs away with drums and gongs, hoping to steer the narrative back on track.

"This is the American way, it can’t be wrong, trust me," Dennis interrupted him, continuing to speak.

The subordinate struggled to keep up with Dennis’s performance but ultimately realized he couldn’t follow his boss’s line of thought and could only ask a question any normal person would: "But, Chief, I meant, wild pigs can’t read English laws; how do you plan to catch them after legislating when you could just use the same method now?"

"Good point, chickens in America also don’t understand English laws," Dennis said, laughing: "So what’s your idea, Kola?"

The black man’s eyes were blank, and he ventured hesitantly: "I don’t know, Chief, I just started working half a month ago, I’ve never dealt with this kind of situation. Maybe we could drive the wild pigs to the United States embassy? That way, the embassy would think it’s under invasion and send their Marine Corps to deal with the invading enemy?"

After voicing Dennis’s lines, the black police officer shamefully lowered his head while breathing a sigh of relief.

"Great idea, Kola! You’re a genius!" Dennis laughed heartily with pleasure, but then his face suddenly turned stern: "This country doesn’t need to rely on external forces! Let me tell you how to deal with the wild pigs! Gather all the hunting dogs and men in town! Follow me! With the hunting dogs engaging head-on, we’ll sneak attack and kill the wild pigs!"

The officer instinctively snapped to attention: "Yes, Chief!"

"Driving wild pigs to the United States embassy, which organ on your body did you use to come up with that answer? You might as well herd them straight to the Falkland Islands; not only would you solve the country’s pig problem, but the Queen of England might think you’re leading pigs into battle for her and might even award you and the pigs a bunch of medals," Dennis said, flicking his cape before disappearing from the balcony.