We slowly drifted apart, and gradually saw through loneliness. Who isn’t forcing themselves to be strong, when their heart is filled with all their longing, tossing and turning like greens that don’t want to wilt in the cold? I truly worry if you have someone by your side.

Zhang Zhentian didn’t understand what was left that his wife couldn’t achieve now. A perfectly good person seemed to have completely lost her mind. Over an old flame, she hurt her own family to such an extent. He didn’t know how to describe his wife, yet he knew too well that he himself was once such a person. He would abandon his family without hesitation for his wife, but ultimately reality slapped him hard. No matter how much he gave, in his 70 years of life, he never got the best response because the person she loved wasn’t him. Again and again, she used him, merely to make him love her more devotedly.

For Xia Ji, Xia Jing felt that everything she had done thoroughly hurt her husband. No matter what decision her husband made, he could only accept it gladly. There was no way for him to change many things. He knew that all these results were consequences of his own making, so who could he blame? This would eventually only bring deeper pain to herself. But if her actions caused her family to suffer yet again, she deeply didn’t want that in her heart.

Everyone makes mistakes. The scary thing is not making mistakes often, but making them without knowing to repent, repeatedly wronging those who love you the most. That’s the terrifying part. Just how many mistakes does one have to make before realizing the depth of hurt dealt to those who once loved you? How many wrong deeds have to happen? Do decisions, again and again, only end up hurting one’s family while those indifferent remain untouched?

Realizing now, slowly understanding, how wrong past actions were, hurting the ones who loved him most, and losing the person he loved for that very reason. He didn’t know what else he could do in life; he knew he could never turn back. The repeated onslaughts have inflicted him with indelible wounds.

"Zhentian, I know saying anything now won’t help, it’s only caused intense psychological harm. But please believe me, I have no other intentions, what I want is just a peaceful life. Every decision I’ve made has hurt you. It’s my life, but do you know? I also wanted to stay by your side. Everyone makes mistakes, and I’ve made so many. You’ve chosen to forgive me repeatedly. Do you think inside I’m truly indifferent? I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve done too much, and it’s made me numb!"

Don’t let me keep saying sorry to you. I know your heart has completely shut me out; you no longer know which of my words are true or false. I understand the feelings of being repeatedly deceived by the one you love, silently kept in the dark. It’s really unbearable. So no matter what decision you make about me, no matter what you say, I won’t blame you. Ultimately, it’s me who ruined the life I could have had. I don’t know why I made such choices, harming you and the ones who loved me most. Every move I’ve made was never right, each misstep only hurt you all!

I’ve never regretted like this before. It’s the biggest regret of my life because, during this time, I haven’t been able to determine if what I did was wrong. There’s no way back now, time has ravaged me. Time slips away as the days go by. I now have no path to return!

Thank you for your tolerance, but I ultimately disappointed your perfect expectations of me. I’m sorry, this is the last time in my life I say sorry. I don’t know in which corner I’ll see you in the future. Even if you don’t say or respond, I will choose to leave you. I won’t live with you anymore because my life and my presence have only brought you endless pain, never offering you any comfort!

In this life, fate could have offered you a better, happier life, but you met me instead. It was my appearance that disrupted your entire life plan. Sorry, I had really regretted, regretted so much. What I wanted was just to stay by your side. But why did I hurt you repeatedly for so many years? I’ve been waiting all this time for my first love to return to me, but I also understand it’s just a vain wish. Only you have appeared by my side repeatedly, protecting me, comforting me, giving me happiness!"

"Do you think saying this now is really okay? I gave my heart so genuinely to you, yet you choose to hurt me in this way. What right, what reason do you have now to say these things to me? In your eyes, what kind of man am I really? Can’t I give you any happiness and joy? Throughout the years you’ve been with me, whether your laughter was genuine or you smiled reluctantly, I was very happy. As long as I saw your forced smile, I felt like the luckiest man in the world. But why do you have to slap me in the face like this? What do I really mean in your eyes? Can’t you give me a little happiness, a bit of comfort? Must things be done so severely that there’s no way back?

I must admit you have completely lost your senses now. You’re no longer the Xia Jing I once knew. Every action you take lacks any basis; you’re just blindly following your heart without knowing what you truly want. All you know is that your heart always yearns for someone. For him, you forsake everything, even risking your life. But do you know? Your actions thoroughly hurt my genuine feelings for you! How can you bear to hurt me?" 𝗳𝚛𝗲𝕖𝕨𝕖𝗯𝚗𝚘𝕧𝕖𝗹.𝗰𝗼𝕞

Gradually, I’ve gotten used to bearing all the panic voluntarily. I hid all those inexplicable memories. I then knew those moments of panic were after waking alone for many years.

The autumn wind has never seen the peach blossoms, while the spring rain gently caresses the barren desert.