You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale - Chapter 2 - Penpals Through the Pigeon Express

Bro!

You wouldn’t believe this!

Everything was normal. Me and my bros doing some mining for mana gems for that old sockethole, Somanda like we always do all day, everyday.

Me, Fractures, Bonet, Mono-socket, Broadbone and the gang.

Then from nowhere, that ungrateful sockethole, Somanda tries to END me! Can you believe that?!

I mean, I have told some questionable stories about him caressing my skull affectionately and deeming me his prized undead, but no need to axe a skeleton for something like that, right?

RIGHT?!

I managed to escape through one of the most convenient and contrived get-aways in all of undead history, even managing to pull a bony one on the Lich bastard by stealing two of his seemingly important possessions which I find out later to be better than I thought they’d be!

From there it’s a just a SPIRAL of boneshit left and right! I can’t catch a break! What’s with this atrocious luck, bro?!

A voice speaks to me about how I have qualified for something about a something that’s supposedly something’s something!

Then I find myself in a new world that reeks of life and gives my bones a disgusted rattle.

Powerful beasts and men are at every turn, all lining up to be a huge pain in my PELVIS!

GAAAAH!

Jeez this is happening too fast!

However, even while I’m in the thick of this, the one saving grace is that I got something worth while!

A new path of power!

I can NOT be an undead!

I can be something better than both the Living and the Dead!

Immune to the antics from both sides. Well... most of them!

I’m no longer on the path for Undeath!

Only Lifelessness awaits me!

I’m the one who transcends reality in this tale!

I am... SKULLIUS!

And I’m not an UNDEAD!

.......

[Sneek Peek]

“What kind of skills are these? What can I do with them? They better not be worthless VOW Bro!”

[Please refrain from calling me- you know what, whatever! Scroll down to access the actual descriptions about the skills].

Um ok.

Click.

~~~

[ Supreme Skill ]

[ Flesh It Like You Mean It | Lv. 1 ]

Tired of looking dead? Are your eyes hollow? Do you need to smile and show off something other than bones? Call on the power of cosmetic flesh and get a body that's to your liking (not really).

----

[ Supreme Skill ]

[ Lifeless Evolution ]

Tired of the same old undead evolutions? Is being undead not trendy anymore? Is your Lich a sockethole who doesn’t admire your efforts? Well then, try the Lifeless Evolution Package. For strong, unorthodox and peculiar evolutions that will knock your skull off.

-IfyouareseeingthisinyourGuidancefielditmeansthatthisskillisboundtoyouandisnon-refundable-

~~~

I’m going to regret this right?

......

Originally born from a wealthy family, she ends up leading a vagrant life for fifteen years. However, when she is eventually found by her family, she falls into another devious plot and eventually dies tragically.

In a world where martial artists reign supreme, strength is everything. Unfortunately, that logic doesn't apply to a certain Florida Man.

Refined in the nuclear fallout wasteland, Leo was the strongest mutant alive. He carried an alien artifact, allowing him to exchange his lifespan for modern items. After 50,000 years of solitary life in a humanless world, he collected enough lifespan to transmigrate to another habitable world.

Leo was later thrown into a mysterious planet. He soon discovered that his body produced radiation, and it mutated the surrounding plants and grasses. Worrying that he might ruin the beautiful planet, he chose to live in seclusion.

Unfortunately, the local population soon discovered his existence, and a misunderstanding ensued.

I am a knight. To be precise, I am the Church of the God of Light’s Sun Knight.

The Church of the God of Light worships and serves the God of Light, and theirs’ is one of the three largest religions on this continent.

As the whole continent knows, the Church of the God of Light has the Twelve Holy Knights, and each one has his own unique personality and features.

To be the Sun Knight is to have shining golden hair, sky blue eyes, a compassionate nature, and a brilliant smile.

“The benevolent God of Light will forgive your sins.”

I must have said that line at least a million times in my time as the Sun Knight.

However, the greatest wish in my life is to be able to stand before the entire continent and roar, “Damn your ‘the whole continent knows’! This Sun Knight just doesn’t feel like smiling! I just don’t want to forgive these human trashes! I just want to pepper my sentences with ‘f***’!”

Unfortunately, even to this day, I continue to wear a smile as I say, “The benevolent God of Light will forgive your sins.”