This Isn't an E*otic Game? - Chapter 89: Lower Back Attack

Way, way, and very way before I was even born, my world was invaded. Actually, not just my world, my entire damn universe was overrun by another, led by a single race that called themselves the Eternals.And they were prepared. Very prepared. Every life we lost in the war against them was used by them. They didn’t just kill people, they captured their souls, forged them into Phantoms, and used the souls to twist beasts into Abominations. Our dead became their army.Three hundred years later, I was born. A guy with way too much energy. Sitting still? Impossible. Taking it slow? Not happening. I was always moving, always ready to burst into action. Then I awakened, and got a talent too.My Talent's Name Was Generator.Because of it I never ran out of energy. Ever. My muscles? Supercharged. My healing? Faster. My stamina? Please, I had no idea what being tired even felt like.So if the universe wanted to throw an endless war at me?Fine. I’d throw everything I had right back.I wasn’t born a hero. Never wanted to be one. But this war? It wasn’t just my universe’s fight anymore. It was mine. The Eternals made sure of that when they took my parents' souls.

Among the gods of the heavens, there was a famous laughing stock known throughout the three realms.Legend has it that eight hundred years ago, there was an ancient country within the Central Plains called Xian Le nation.The ancient nation of Xian Le had vast territory, abundant resources and content citizens. The country had four treasures: delicate beauties aplenty, thriving arts & literature, treasures of gold and jewels and last but not least, their renown Royal Highness the Crown Prince.This person, His Royal Highness the Crown Prince....you could say.... was a strange man.The Emperor and Empress considered him to be the apple of their eyes. They doted on him immensely and would often proudly proclaim: “In the future, my son will surely become a wise monarch, leaving a reputable impression for generations to come .”Yet, in the regards of what came with royalty, of riches, power and honor, the Crown Prince had no interest.What he was interested in, quoting the very words he often said to himself, was——“I want to save the common folks!”The young prince cultivated in earnest. During this time, two short stories became widely circulated. .The first story occurred when he was seventeen years old.That year, the nation of Xian Le held a magnificent Offering to the Gods parade.Although this tradition had already been abandoned for numerous centuries, through surviving ancient texts and verbal stories, one could imagine the grandeur of the event..Offering to the Gods day, Martial God Main Street.Both sides of the Main Street were overflowing with a sea of people. The aristocrats were seated on top of high buildings as they exchanged friendly chatter; while the imperial guards cleared the way with their impressive armours clinking. Young girls danced gracefully as their snow-white hands scattered flower petals like rain, filling the sky as far as the eye could see. It made people question whether the dancing maidens were more beautiful or the flowers themselves. Melodious notes sounded from within golden carriages and floated throughout the whole Imperial City. Behind honorable guards, sixteen white horses with golden bridles walked side-by-side as they pulled forward a magnificent platform.Located on top of the tall, magnificent platform was the focus of everyone’s attention, there stood the martial artist to perform a show to please the Gods.During the festive heavenly parade, the martial artist would adorn a golden mask, don splendid garments and wield a sword in one hand. He would perform the role of the first military deity in a millennium to have subdued demonic beasts——Martial God Heavenly Emperor Jun Wu.Being selected as the martial artist to perform such a show could be considered equivalent as to receiving the utmost honour, and thus the selection criteria was extremely strict. This year, the one who was chosen was none other than His Royal Highness the Crown Prince. The entire nation was convinced that he would surely be able to become the most marvellous martial artist to perform such a performance since the beginning of time.However, on that day, something unexpected occurred.During that time, the martial god on the magnificent stage was just about to land a killing blow on a demon.This was the most exciting scene, and thus the people on both sides of the Main Street were fired up with passion. The people on the city walls were also becoming more rowdy as they started outdoing each other in sticking their heads out to see, both struggling and shoving.Right at this moment, a young child fell from the top of the city gate tower.

Question: “When one summer day, you find a cucumber inexplicably appearing on the vagin of a beautiful woman in the living room, how should you save her?” “A. Pull it out” “B. Suck it out” “C.**********” Years later, when Li remembered this scene again, he hated himself for not choosing C... --------- “Yikes, what’s pressing against me?” Meng Lin instinctively exclaimed, immediately looked down, and upon seeing the alarming outline, she exclaimed in surprise, “Qianfan, why did you put your white cane inside your pants? Are you afraid someone will steal it? Let sister-in-law help you take it out!” With that said, Meng Lin reached out her hand… ------ “Sister-in-law, were you masturbating yourself?” Li Qianfan pretended to be shocked. “A cucumber has fallen inside my vagin, can you help me get it out?” No wonder his sister-in-law looked so thirsty; it was because she was often unsatisfied. “Sister-in-law, don’t cry, I’ll help you get it out right now!” After offering comfort, Li Qianfan placed his palm on Meng Lin’s thigh and began moving slowly towards the place where the cucumber was submerged……

I had finally done it—achieved the ultimate Paladin build. Maxed stats, impenetrable armor, and so many resistances that death itself had given up on me. I was an unkillable tank, an indomitable force. Nothing could stop me.And then my PC exploded.I died.Irony, thou art a cruel mistress.But instead of the afterlife, I woke up as my Paladin character… in the wrong freaking genre. Instead of castles and dungeons, there were people flying around on swords, shooting qi beams like fantasy laser guns.“This is definitely the wrong genre,” I muttered, watching a pompous young master sneer at me.“Kowtow, kiss my foot, and beg for forgiveness!” he declared.I looked at my imaginary maxed-out health bar, then at his flimsy silk robes.Oh, this was going to be fun.