"It’s... too much." He finally let a sliver of his true feelings out, his voice light and quivering.

He felt winded and untethered... as if someone had abruptly pulled his head out of the water, allowing him to drink in air for the first time in a while. Alas, he had gotten so used to the pressure underwater that breathing in air made him feel like he was going to fly away. Unable to meet He Juan’s eyes, he could only fix his stare on the fruit cake and the exquisite chocolate plaque that was still untouched. His words were getting increasingly jumbled. "I don’t know... I don’t know how I can repay you—"

"Xiao Ze." He Juan reached out across the table to hold his sweaty hand and it felt so warm, dry and powerful that Mu Yuze almost burst into tears. No one had ever held onto him with such strength before, as if they were certain that they wanted him to stay, that they did not mind what kind of a mess he was. No one, except He Juan.

"Mu Yuze, look at me, please?" he said gently in a firm command that brooked no refusal. And every inch of Mu Yuze’s body was screaming at him to obey, even though he knew how pathetic he must have looked right now.

He raised his head to meet He Juan’s eyes and oh, they were so gentle that he could almost feel himself drowning. There was also something else... something soft and tender that sent a painful twinge over his heart. He did not even realize that he had stopped breathing as he waited for He Juan’s words. 𝒇𝒓𝙚𝒆𝔀𝓮𝓫𝒏𝓸𝙫𝓮𝓵.𝓬𝙤𝙢

"I don’t like it," the man stated, almost harshly. It took Mu Yuze his all not to flinch when he heard that, to yank his hand out of He Juan’s grip and cradle it in front of his chest like he would a wounded kitten.

Panic rose sharply on his throat. W–What did He Juan not like? But of course, there were so many parts of Mu Yuze that were unlikeable. So it was very natural that He Juan started to get sick of him...

Mu Yuze could feel another panic attack pressing against his ribcage, quick and merciless. But then before it could spiral further, he heard He Juan continue, "I’ve tried to keep it to myself, but... I really don’t like it when you talk about yourself like that, Mu Yuze." A soft and helpless look crossed his features. "I don’t like it when you talk about yourself as if you don’t deserve someone to be kind to you... as if you’re always searching within yourself for a reason to be worthy."

He stretched out his other hand to wipe the dampness on the corner of Mu Yuze’s eyes away, and the gentle gesture was all it took to break Mu Yuze apart. "But I—" he choked, his throat closing up. He closed his eyes and tried again, "But it’s the truth..." he whispered, pain bleeding into his tone.

Was he worthy? Did he even deserve the kindness and attention of someone like He Juan? What had He Juan seen in him, to be exact? What if one day... what if he woke up one day and decided that Mu Yuze was not worth it anymore?

What should Mu Yuze do if he left and did not come back?

He was afraid. He was so afraid of losing this warmth and comfort that had fallen into his lap out of nowhere. More than that, he was terribly afraid of the monstrosity of his own emotions...

He Juan stared at him for one long moment, his gaze unreadable.

Mu Yuze felt his heart lurch with each passing second that was spent in the suffocating silence. He could not even begin to guess what He Juan was thinking; just the mere notion of it terrified him so. He tried to curl the hand in He Juan’s grip, trying to hide the fact that he was shaking all over.

"That’s it," He Juan suddenly announced and took back his hand, causing Mu Yuze to freeze for a split second. The warmth that engulfed his hand, the strength that anchored him to this place was no more and in its place was a rush of piercing coldness.

He raised his head sharply, eyes wide in dread and panic. He had no idea what he expected to find, but certainly not... this.

Not He Juan who had an almost carefree smile on his face, as if he had discarded the last sliver of hesitation and finally made up his mind on something. "I know you will not trust anything I say right now, so..." he tapped a finger on his smiling lips and gestured at the gift boxes scattered around them. "Each time I hear you talking about how you’re useless, unworthy, undeserving or anything similar, I’m going to buy you a gift. Twice... you have already done it twice in front of me, Mu Yuze. So that makes two additional gifts."

Mu Yuze gaped at him, "W–What are you—" What kind of nonsense was He Juan up to now?!

But He Juan was open to neither persuasion or coercion. There was a manic, almost crazed light in his eyes that Mu Yuze had never seen before. "That’s it, I have decided. The more you think that you don’t deserve it, the more I should bury you in it. I will do it until you don’t even dare to entertain such foolish thoughts anymore. Isn’t it the perfect method, Mu Yuze?" He flashed a sharp grin that bared all of his teeth, and Mu Yuze came to a sudden, terrifying realization that he... might have turned on some kind of switch in He Juan?

Oh. Oh no. He had totally overlooked one extremely crucial thing.

He Juan was an Alpha. Despite his gentle and refined demeanor, he was an Alpha through and through. Hell, he might even be a superior Alpha, if his crushing strength, the oppressive pressure he sometimes he exuded and his striking aura were any indication. And if there was one thing that every single Alpha despised – it was to have their words or authority questioned.

They would take it as a provocation and in a bid to prove the other person wrong, raise themselves to the challenge.

And Mu Yuze seemed to have accidentally done... exactly that?

He scrambled to salvage the situation. "Wait... wait a moment, I—"

"Too late." He Juan barked out a laugh and started to move the boxes away in lieu of cutting the cake. "Discussion closed. Let’s enjoy the cake, shall we?"

When Mu Yuze tried to appeal again, He Juan stuffed him a mouthful of cake and asked, smiling. "Is it delicious?"

Helpless, Mu Yuze chewed on the fluffy sponge cake and nodded. "...Mn."

He did not dare to say anything more for fear that He Juan would take it as a second challenge.

.

Of course, they could not finish the cake. Mu Yuze ate until his stomach bloated and he swore he could feel the thick cream sticking on the wall of his throat, but there was still more than a half remained.

When he was sprawled over the table trying to will his nausea to go away, He Juan asked in passing, "Should we share the cake with our neighbors tomorrow?"

As soon as Mu Yuze registered the question past his cake-drunk mania, a flash of possessiveness suddenly unfurled in his chest with an intensity that almost knocked him off guard. He straightened up and blurted out, "No."

He Juan raised a brow. "...No?"

"No," he said again, fiercer this time. It was his first birthday cake. His. So why should he share it with others? Even if it became moldy and smelly, he would still eat it bite by bite until everything went into his stomach! He pulled the cake to him and half-cradled it with his arms as if he could hide it from He Juan’s eyes this way. He hissed menacingly, "You must not give this to others."

Laughter bubbled out of He Juan’s throat, his tone mildly teasing. "Okay, okay, we won’t. It’s all yours."

Mu Yuze was torn between satisfaction of having the whole cake to himself and the urge to punch the grin off He Juan’s face.

It was not until later that night, when he lay on the bed and rewinded everything that had happened today that he realized, the reason why He Juan looked so ecstatic must be because... it was the first time Mu Yuze had staked a claim on something that was rightfully his.

It might be as simple and small as a birthday cake now, but it was more than enough to make He Juan so happy that he couldn’t stop humming as he helped Mu Yuze move all the gift boxes to his room.

He couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night after that.